Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19

WREN

The darkness wasn’t quite complete. That was the one thing saving her, the sprinkling of lights and soft glows that spread out before her. But the tunnels were long and winding, and the caverns Wren entered vast. Her footsteps echoed around her. Even her breath seemed to haunt her.

What makes you think you can do this?

The voice came out of nowhere, and something slid around her ankles, almost tripping her. Just a shadow. Or shadow kin.

They were here then. Of course they were. And so was the spirit of the Nox.

Of course it was. It had been waiting for her.

The names for the different caves lingered in her memory.

The deepest dark, the emptiness, the longing and the despair.

The first one opened out above her, like a cathedral to the darkness. The light in the rock face glittered coldly, no longer a comfort.

In the centre, where the path dipped down, it was lightless. The deepest darkness she had ever seen.

Wren stopped, her chest tightening.

Well, little vestige? There was almost a laugh in the voice of the Nox which teased the back of her mind. Not a pleasant laugh either.

But Wren couldn’t move. She wrapped her arms around her body, holding herself tight as if she might have to stop herself falling to pieces, and forced herself to breathe.

Balance, Hestia had told her. It was all about balance. That was the secret to magic. Or at least to dealing with the power of the Nox. When it came to the Aurum, Wren had no idea. The only way she had been able to channel the light was to push away the darkness, or to lose herself to it completely. And it hurt. Every time.

Except…she paused. Back in Pelias, when Finn had put the bracelet on her, with the Aurum running wild, devouring Elodie, it had reached out to her and tried to fill her.

Each of the powers sought to control, to dominate those who would serve it. They expected devotion, and obedience in all things.

I’ve never been good at obedience, she thought, and that dark laugh rippled around her again.

You’ll learn…

That almost sounded like Leander. She felt her whole body recoil.

The Nox was playing with her now, tormenting her. If she couldn’t go any further there was no way she could find Finn and rescue him. They’d say she rejected him and who knew what Leander would do with him then? No, she had to go on.

Balance. Like making her way along the edge of a cliff, or the blade of a knife. What had Elodie said about the queens of Asteroth? Some old saying about walking a knife’s edge in order to rule. That was balance as well. Push darkness away to let in the light. It worked both ways.

The deepest dark was just the first step. She took it, forcing herself onwards. The deepest dark closed around her and all the little stars of light went out.

Wren kept walking, slowly, one step at a time. She couldn’t see anything now, only feel her way in the darkness, listening to each footfall on the cold stone. But nothing blocked her path, nothing hindered her.

She just had to keep going.

Abruptly the shadows peeled back in front of her once more. It felt like pressing on the edge of a bubble and then passing through. Deep in her chest there was a painful tug as if something hooked inside her for a moment, holding onto her, and was dragged out. It left a hollow behind, a void.

But a glow of faint light started up again before her, leading her onwards. It was the same blue as the eyes of shadow kin, aglow from within, and it ringed a tunnel entrance.

I can do this, Wren told herself, almost dizzy with relief at having passed through the first cave. She drew in another breath and stepped into the cave known as the emptiness.

That small space inside her, that void she had felt, suddenly exploded in her chest. It surged through her, making her drop to her knees in shock. It was everywhere, in her mind, in her heart, even in her soul, hollowing her out and showing her…

There was nothing. She was nothing. She was a creature formed from darkness and created with the sole purpose of preserving its power on this earth. And now she was in its place of power, daring to defy it, to walk through its chambers and think herself…what? Autonomous?

No. She was nothing. She was just a shell waiting for the Nox to fill her. She had no power of her own, no purpose of her own, nothing. She had come here as she’d always been fated to come here and she should just fall to the ground and let it take her. She should just give up and…

Wren sucked in a breath, painful and wretched. Blood trickled from her nose in a hot wet line. Her blood. Real blood. She could taste its coppery tang on her lips.

‘I’m…I’m not your thing,’ she said and her voice rasped against her tight throat as she forced out the words. ‘I’m real. I’m my own person.’

Laughter rang around her this time, bouncing off the walls and ceiling of the cavern, and the emptiness shook with its mirth.

This was worse than she had imagined. The Nox had always been a distant thing, trapped in a far-off realm beyond her world. But now…now, here, it was real and dangerous. It could win this. She realised now that she was not necessarily going to walk out of this as she was.

They had known, Oriole and Hestia. They had warned her…

Tears stung Wren’s eyes. The sisterhood had sent her in here knowing she would fail. Of course they had. For all their pretty words, they wanted the Nox back as much as any other Ilanthian.

‘Oh Elodie,’ she whispered. ‘What am I going to do?’

Her voice echoed back to her, twisted into something pathetic and plaintive, cut with sobs.

She was helpless, worthless, nothing. She had been created rather than born. She had been made for a purpose which had nothing to do with her desires and needs.

Another voice came to mind. She didn’t know how but it was Roland, the soft baritone of his voice which rippled over her senses.

Elodie said that the Nox formed you based on her dreams, her wishes, on what the two of us once had. It reached into her heart and took what it found there. So I am your father in every way that counts. Just as she is your mother. Always remember that.

Those words…those precious words he had said to her in the chamber of the Aurum when she had almost lost hope. That acceptance. That love…

My little bird, Elodie had called her, and never in the mocking way Leander had used those words after he had plucked them from her mind and manipulated them to taunt her. No, Elodie said them with love. And she always had done.

The emptiness pushed in on Wren again, trying to force her submission. It would hollow her out and make her ready for the Nox. That was what it was trying to do, but she couldn’t let it succeed. She wouldn’t. There was more to her than a shell, a vessel. She was the woman Elodie had made, the woman Roland saw, and that was who she wanted to be.

The woman Finn loved. Who loved him in return.

She drew in a breath and power filled her. Not a power from beyond, or scraped from the remains of the shadows. Her own power. Bright and terrible.

She threw back her head and screamed defiance.

The magic of the emptiness recoiled and the cave system shook as if an earthquake tore through it. Wren forced herself back onto her feet and staggered onwards. It hurt. Everything hurt, but she had to do it.

The next cave loomed over her. It wasn’t as large as the last two, but the moment she entered, she felt its touch. And with it came a new kind of need. What was empty was replaced with a hunger, a terrible, desperate want. It almost brought her to her knees again.

In the soft firelight glow ahead, she saw a figure, a man. Just standing there, waiting for her.

Finn.