CHAPTER 4

Shinji

Shinji woke up with a familiar weight in his chest, the kind that always came on his birthday. He stared at the ceiling, trying not to let the feeling settle in. Winter was his favorite season, but his birthday? That was something else. Too many bad memories clung to it, making the day feel more like a chore than a celebration.

This year, though, it was different because he was spending it with Teruo. For once, all that dread didn’t feel as suffocating as opposed to other years when it would stick to Shinji like glue for the entire week. Teruo had put so much effort into making these days feel incredibly special.

Speaking of Teruo…

Shinji looked at the empty spot beside him. The sheets were wrinkled and pulled toward the edges where their hands had clutched them in the heat of last night’s sex. His lips curved in a big smile and he reached for Teruo’s pillow, his fingertips brushing the fabric. His mind drifted to their date at Shibuya Sky, to the warmth of Teruo’s hands, to his handsome face full of joy, the way his eyes lit up when he smiled, and how easy it felt to forget everything else when they were together.

A dreamy sigh escaped Shinji, and he closed his eyes for a moment, laying his head on Teruo’s pillow. These days were the happiest he’d been in a long while. Shinji’s chest tightened, thinking back at all the times no one cared—not even himself—and realized he was lucky to be with Teruo.

A faint noise echoed from downstairs, and Shinji patted the bed to find his pajama pants. He plucked them from underneath the duvet and put them on, then slid out of bed. He made his way downstairs, the sound of clinking dishes and soft movement drawing him toward the kitchen. He rubbed at his eyes, still groggy from sleep, but the smile on his face hadn’t faded. He saw the Santa hat on the backseat of the sofa and he put it on his head, then picked up the reindeer headband, too, grinning to himself.

As he reached the kitchen doorway, he froze, his breath catching at the sight. Teruo was at the counter, in a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt, a dishcloth thrown onto his back, and his hair shining under the light filtering through the window, a few locks falling on his forehead. He was hunched sideways, his brows furrowed in concentration as he carefully spread whipped cream over what could only be a shortcake. A mixing bowl sat nearby, along with the ingredients, and another bowl full of strawberries was next to the sink.

Teruo straightened, grunted something to himself as he eyed the cake, then neatly corrected whatever imperfections he had noticed. But there were no imperfections because everything about this was beyond perfect.

Shinji leaned against the doorway, taking in the whole picture, his heart thumping in his chest. Teruo had already done so much and now was making a birthday cake simply because he wanted to.

Just then, Teruo glanced over his shoulder and his eyes widened before his mouth softened into a smile. “Ah, you woke up too early,” he said. “I was planning for it to be a surprise.” He gestured to the unfinished cake. “Happy birthday!”

Shinji shook his head, his throat tight as he stepped into the kitchen. “You didn’t have to…” He remembered Teruo said he’d bake a cake, but Shinji didn’t think he’d actually do it.

Teruo turned fully and wiped his hands on the dishcloth. “You just turned thirty. You deserve to celebrate.”

Shinji swallowed hard, words failing him for a moment as he looked at Teruo, at the cake, then back at Teruo. Finally, he stepped closer, reaching out to wrap Teruo in his arms and hold him tight.

“Thank you,” Shinji said, his voice barely a whisper. He couldn’t say more, otherwise he’d probably choke on his own words and make a fool of himself.

Teruo pressed a kiss on Shinji’s neck. “It also doubles as a late Christmas cake,” Teruo added, “since I didn’t order one.”

Shinji’s lips quirked. “What a hard-working cake!” He leaned in and kissed Teruo’s mouth. “It’s perfect. Thank you for making this day special.” Maybe he could let himself enjoy his birthday for once, let Teruo pamper him. Maybe he could learn to celebrate his birthday again after thirty years of avoiding it.

His hands found their way to Teruo’s hips, and he gently steered him toward the table to sit on the edge. The headband still hung awkwardly in his hand, so Shinji placed it on the table, then wrapped Teruo back in his arms. Teruo rested his head against Shinji’s chest, his cheek warm, and his rough stubble sending a shiver down Shinji’s spine. His fingers threaded through Teruo’s hair, and he gently caressed it. A soft moan escaped Teruo, his palms skimming over Shinji’s bare skin, from his lower back and up toward his shoulder blades.

They stayed like this for a long time, just enjoying each other’s presence. Shinji realized that nothing else mattered. Only this moment, right here, right now. He let himself get lost in the sensation of holding Teruo—his warmth, his strong body, the cake’s sugary scent clinging to him, the steady breath ghosting Shinji’s skin. Teruo was single-handedly healing many years of bitterness.

Teruo shifted his head and pressed a kiss to Shinji’s sternum, then looked up, his face bright and smiling. Shinji looked at him, drinking in the sight. He pressed a gentle thumb on the little creases between Teruo’s brows, etched by the near-constant scowling at work. Shinji let out a quiet laugh and Teruo looked at him curiously.

“Do I have something on my face?” Teruo asked.

“On the contrary, you don’t. That’s why it’s funny.”

Teruo narrowed his eyes, looking more confused. “What don’t I have?”

“Your usual scowl. You’ve been in a very bright mood. Once in a while, you should come to work smiling like this. You’ll keep everybody on their toes because they won’t know what’s going on with you.”

Teruo broke into laughter. “They’ll think I’m a clone and the real me was kidnapped. Don’t think the superintendent will send anyone to save me. He’ll be celebrating.”

Shinji snorted, then pressed a kiss to Teruo’s mouth, soft and lingering, tugging on his lower lip. “Well, I like that I get to see this side of you. And so often, too.”

“This house is my comfort zone,” Teruo said. “It’s where I can be myself without worrying about judgment. But the one thing that was missing for me was sharing that feeling with someone who accepted me, scowling and all.” He settled his palm against Shinji’s chest. “You’re that someone. That’s why I’m in such a good mood.”

Shinji smiled, his heart beating fast. “You’re a romantic.”

“I have my moments.” Teruo grinned. “Now give me another one of your sweet kisses.”

With no hesitation, Shinji leaned in, his lips finding Teruo’s in a soft kiss. The slight roughness of Teruo’s stubble made him moan, and he tilted his head, his tongue sliding against Teruo’s. His breath caught as Teruo’s hands tightened on his hips, pulling him closer, and alternating between kissing Shinji harder and tugging slowly at his lips. It was incredibly tender and hot at the same time.

When they drew back, both had huge smiles on their faces.

“Wanna decorate the cake?” Teruo asked.

“Yes! But I hope you bought enough strawberries because I’m going to steal a few.”

Teruo placed a kiss on his cheek. “I bought an extra box because I know you’re a strawberry thief.”

Shinji grinned, reaching for the bowl of strawberries. “Guilty as charged.” He plucked one from the pile, holding it up triumphantly, then took a slow bite, enjoying the way Teruo stared at his lips. “Delicious,” Shinji said.

“Oh yeah…” Teruo agreed, still looking at Shinji’s mouth.

Getting another strawberry, Shinji held it up to Teruo, and he ate it out of Shinji’s hand, letting his lips brush by Shinji’s fingers. Then he kissed the tip of Shinji’s finger and sucked on it, making Shinji shiver and blush. He pulled Shinji’s digit out of his mouth with a pop and grinned, then gave the Santa hat’s pom a flick and it wobbled back and forth, softly brushing by Shinji’s cheek.

“You’re a gorgeous Santa,” Teruo said, playing with the pom.

Shinji picked up the reindeer headband that he’d abandoned on the table and put it on Teruo’s head. “And you’re a gorgeous reindeer.” He fixed Teruo’s hair around the headband and gave him another kiss.

They reluctantly pulled from each other because the cake was still waiting to be decorated. Teruo took a piping bag, placed whipped cream inside and made swirls along the top of the cake. Shinji chose strawberries that were roughly the same size and arranged them in a circle in the middle.

“I want a little bit of powdered sugar on them,” Shinji said.

“Sure.” Teruo found the packet of sugar and spread it gently through a sieve. Afterwards, he added sugar pearls inside the circle of strawberries and made another whipped cream swirl. He finished it with a chocolate topper and a little artificial holly. “Do you like it?” Teruo stared at Shinji, slightly alarmed, like he was about to be graded for his skills.

“It’s amazing.” Shinji smiled, wrapping his arms around Teruo’s waist. “Thank you. I almost feel bad to eat it. Almost.” He licked his lips.

“Well, we’ll leave it in the fridge for a little while, and eat breakfast instead.”

“Aren’t we gonna be rebellious and eat cake for breakfast?”

“If you want, but it might be better to eat it after an actual breakfast.”

Shinji grabbed a spoon and ate a mouthful of leftover whipped cream. “I don’t care. The dessert police can arrest me.”

Teruo gave his ass a playful spank. “Don’t tempt me.” He grabbed Shinji’s hips, pulled him close, and tilted him back slightly as he captured Shinji’s lips in an open-mouthed kiss.

Shinji moaned, his hands gripping Teruo’s t-shirt, and he parted his lips, feeling a rush of heat as Teruo’s tongue teased him. The sweetness of strawberries lingered on Teruo’s mouth and Shinji held him tighter, melting into his embrace. Teruo’s palms splayed across Shinji’s back, anchoring him as Teruo tilted him further and deepened the kiss. Their breaths mingled, ragged and warm, and Teruo’s lips traveled down Shinji’s throat and Teruo kissed along his collarbone before pulling away, and giving him one final smooch.

Shinji clung to him as he straightened himself. “Give me a second,” Shinji murmured. “I need to recover from that kiss.”

A smug grin stretched on Teruo’s face and he ran his palms across the bare skin of Shinji’s back, sending a warm thrill down his spine.

“So, cake for breakfast or…?” Teruo trailed off, waiting.

“I wish, but my stomach’s a traitor.” Shinji patted his belly. “I guess I’ll make a sacrifice and eat a normal breakfast, then the cake.”

“Quite the sacrifice.” Teruo chuckled.

Once the cake was refrigerated and breakfast cooked, they took the plates to set them up on the kotatsu table. Just as they stepped out of the kitchen, Mochi jumped from the Christmas tree, bringing it down with her. She ran up to the wall shelves and settled there, pretending like she hadn’t done anything.

“Ah, second time today,” Teruo said. “What do you have against the tree?” he scolded Mochi, but all she gave back was an innocent look.

He placed the plates atop the table and pushed the tree back up, some globes falling out and rolling on the floor. Dango quickly grabbed one and pawed it, sending it to the other side of the living room.

“We might have to pack it up,” Teruo said. “Otherwise, we’ll be cleaning ornaments until summer.”

“I want to keep it for a little longer.” Shinji stared at the tree. Even if Christmas had passed, he wasn’t sure he was ready to pack it up just yet. “Let me search the internet for some ways to protect it.”

“Doubtful that’s possible against Mochi.” Teruo shook his head as he started eating. “She’s half as tall as the tree.”

Shinji put the phone on the table, scrolling with one hand, and eating with the other. “How about cat repellent? You spray it on the tree and because they hate the smell—”

“Doesn’t work. Already tried it on some decorations I placed around the house when I first moved here. They still kicked everything down, no fucks given.”

Shinji went back to the list. “What about a cage? Not sure from where we’re gonna get one, though.”

Teruo’s brows furrowed. “I don’t want to put a cage around it. It ruins the aesthetic.”

Shinji grinned. “You gotta let me record you and then play it out to people without context.”

“You are naughty.” A little snicker left Teruo’s lips, then he nodded down toward the phone. “Anything else besides the cage?”

“Yes. Do you have any heavy things in the house? Besides the ‘sturdy’ stand we bought.”

“Well…” He chewed the inside of his cheek, thinking for a bit. “We could use the bags of sand I bought a long time ago for some repairs, which I never did.” Then he glanced up at Mochi, who was perched on the shelf, her fluffy tail hanging down, swaying slightly. “What do you say, Mochi?”

She tilted her head, her yellow eyes staring at them.

“I think she’ll take it as a challenge,” Shinji said.

“She takes everything as a challenge.” Teruo shook his head.

After breakfast, they carried the incredibly heavy sand bags and placed them on top of the tree stand, molding them around it. Mochi jumped down from her spot and approached, pawing gently at the bags and sniffing. She decided she wasn’t in the mood for a challenge right now and lied down, her back to one bag, and stretched.

“Typical,” Teruo said.

“I think she’ll make more attempts.”

“Oh, she will. She’s just waiting for us to leave the room and then will enter destruction-mode.” Teruo crouched and smiled at her. “You are naughty, but very cute.”

Shinji bit his lip and quietly watched while Teruo caressed Mochi with one hand and Dango with the other. When he first met Teruo, he wouldn’t have guessed Teruo was a big softie under all that grumpiness. Although Teruo vehemently denied it, under his gruff exterior, he was incredibly gentle.

“Everything okay?” Teruo asked, and Shinji realized he’d been staring.

“I was enjoying the view.”

A blush spread on Teruo’s cheeks and he stood, pressing a kiss on Shinji’s cheek. “Wanna devour that cake?” Teruo asked.

“Yes!” Shinji rushed to the kitchen, Teruo trailing behind him, laughing softly.

While Teruo brought out plates and cutlery, Shinji pulled the cake out and he couldn’t help but smile wide again, his chest swelling with happiness. They returned to the kotatsu which had been taken over by Mochi and Dango, who were curled underneath, leaving only one part empty, so Shinji and Teruo huddled together. It was even better like this, the blanket over their legs, their knees brushing and the warmth of the kotatsu spreading through them.

Shinji picked up the knife and carefully cut two neat slices, revealing the layers of strawberry hidden underneath. He placed a slice on Teruo’s plate, and one on his own, then quickly took the first bite because he was too excited to wait anymore.

“This is incredible,” Shinji mumbled with his mouth full. It was soft and sweet, the cream melting on his tongue, and the juicy taste of the strawberries balanced everything perfectly. He mumbled again, but the words were unclear as he shoved another bite in his mouth.

Teruo let out a quiet laugh. “I’m glad you like it.”

“Mmh.” Was all Shinji could say back.

He scooped up another piece and held it out to Teruo, who leaned in, his lips closing around the offered bite. He gave a nod of approval, smiling. Then he mirrored Shinji and lifted a piece of cake to Shinji’s mouth, which he ate greedily. His eyes lingered on Teruo and he reached for Teruo’s hand where it rested on the table and squeezed it.

When he finished chewing, he leaned forward, closing the distance between them, his lips brushing against Teruo’s in a soft kiss. Teruo kissed him back, the trace of strawberries and cream still clinging to him.

“You taste good,” Shinji said.

“So do you.” Teruo cupped the nape of his neck, his thumb gently tracing over Shinji’s cheek. “Happy birthday. I wanted it to be special.” His voice was low and warm.

“It’s more than special. It’s perfect,” Shinji said, his voice thick. “Thank you for doing all of this for me.”

Teruo flushed, his lips curving into a smile. “I hope I didn’t overwhelm you. I know you—”

“I was wrong,” Shinji said. “I’m just not used to celebrating, that’s all. This is the best birthday I’ve ever had. If… if you don’t mind, can we do this again next year?”

“We’ll do it every year. This and more.” Teruo kissed him again. “I promise.”

After second helpings of cake, they managed to make space underneath the kotatsu to stretch their legs and lie down underneath the blanket, cocooned in its warmth. Shinji rested on his side against Teruo, an arm draped across Teruo’s chest. He felt Teruo’s lips pressing a kiss on top of his head and the stroke of Teruo’s fingers combing through his hair.

A quiet sigh of contentment escaped Shinji as he nestled even closer. In Teruo’s arms, Shinji felt whole in a way he never had before and he hadn’t even realized how broken his heart was until Teruo gently put every piece back together. It was a feeling Shinji never wanted to let go of.