Chapter 9

T here was no longer any denying the inevitable. It seemed all of her prayers, even her bargaining with God had not succeeded. Elizabeth owned she did no one any favours by clinging to the vain hope her Janey would ever leave the bed alive .

Before they entered the bedchamber, Mr Jones had prepared the three for what they would see. Jane's pallor was almost grey. To Elizabeth, however, it was not so great of a variance to what she had seen before her flight away from her parents, but for the Gardiners whose previous memories of their niece had been of Jane in the bloom of health, it was a shock of enormous proportions.

Madeline covered her mouth to stifle the cry which wanted to escape her lips. Gardiner lost some of his colour. Regardless of Mr Jones's words of preparation, nothing had made him ready to see his eldest niece in this condition. Elizabeth replaced the maid at Jane's side and began to apply cooling water with one of the cloths in the basin on the small, tall table next to the bed. Madeline took a seat on the other side of the bed opposite while Gardiner sat close to Elizabeth.

As Mr Jones had said she would, Jane woke about a half hour after the Gardiners and Elizabeth sat beside her. "Water," Jane croaked, barely above a whisper.

Madeline waved, telling the maid to remain in her seat. Then she assisted Lizzy in bringing Jane into a sitting position. Elizabeth brought the water to her sister's lips and slowly and gently allowed the cool liquid to drip into Jane's mouth, drop by drop. It took some minutes but Jane drained the glass. Elizabeth signalled to the maid who came and placed more pillows behind her sister's back, and then she and her aunt slowly allowed Jane to lie back against them. Gardiner stood next to his niece in case his assistance was required.

"Thank…you…Lizzy," Jane managed. She needed to take a breath between words. It was then she saw who was on her other side. "Aunt Maddie!" Knowing her aunt would not be here without her uncle; Jane turned her head to the other side of the bed. Her dulled eyes almost brightened some when she saw the uncle she and Lizzy loved so dearly. "Uncle. Thank you…both for…coming."

"Did you think we would not come when we heard how sick you are?" Gardiner asked, his voice thick with emotion.

Jane looked at the faces of three of the people who she loved most in the world. She saw the truth in their looks of sorrow without them saying a word. "I will…not recover, will…I?" It was a statement more than a question.

"I should have done more to stop you," Elizabeth wailed. "I am so very sorry, Janey. Mr Jones does not think you will survive another night like you suffered during the previous one. I do not want you to go!"

As weak as she was, Jane reached out and took her younger sister's hand. "Lizzy, we all…go when…He calls us…home. It seems…it is…my turn. It…was my choice…to ride…here. Do…not blame…Mama…and Papa, I…could have…refused."

Elizabeth wanted to let Jane know how much she held their parents liable for what was happening and what was to come, but she would not burden her sister with her thoughts and feelings. She knew not how much longer Janey had before she was called home, so it was better not to waste that precious time on recriminations. There would be more than enough time for that afterwards. She decided she would not lie to her sister and promise something she was certain she would not be able to stand by, so she would not speak about the fault she assigned to her parents and try to experience as many minutes with Jane while she was still with them.

"The cousins?" Jane enquired.

"They are here," Madeline responded. "The children are with the governess and nurse in a parlour downstairs. If you want to say goodbye…" Madeline's breath caught as she fought to hold back a sob, "…I think Lilly and Eddy are old enough to come see you."

Jane nodded her desire to see the two older Gardiner children. Gardiner squeezed his niece's hand and then rather than send a servant, he decided to go and bring his eldest daughter and son to the suite.

~~~~~~~/~~~~~~~

As Bennet would have expected she would, his wife had wailed and lamented for the whole of the three miles back to Longbourn. Unlike his wife, who was making this all about herself, he felt the crushing weight of the guilt engendered by his inaction and capitulation to his wife's whim, which would cost Jane her life.

Thankfully when they arrived home, Fanny made for her chambers to take herself to her bed, all the while complaining of her palpitations, flutterings, tremblings, and spasms. Only once the door to his wife's chamber had been closed, was her whinging no longer audible to Bennet. It was not many minutes before Mrs Hill was summoned to bring the salts to her mistress.

Facing the three youngest girls, who had said nary a word between them since they had seen Jane, was not what he desired to do—if ever he craved losing himself in the world of a book with a glass of good port on hand, it was at this moment—but he knew he could not leave them without a word. Hence he followed them into the drawing room.

"Papa," Lydia began. Bennet did not miss that her cheeks were tear stained. The Lydia before him was a big departure from the brash, selfish, spoilt girl. "Is…is Janey really going to die?"

"It seems so," Bennet confirmed. "She is very, very sick and although we will not be able to see it now, or possibly for some time to come, her suffering will end."

"But why?" Mary cried. "Why has God not answered any of my prayers? Why would he take one as good, gentle, godly, and kind as Jane from us?" Mary paused while she wiped her eyes. "It has been my belief that as long as I am faithful to His commandments and the Bible, my prayers would be answered."

"It is a hard reality to accept," Bennet replied, "but we can never know His plan. Also, we cannot bargain with Him. If it has been decided it is our Jane's time, then there is nothing us mere mortals can do about it. Who knows, in future times they may find a cure to pneumonia and many other maladies, but in the world as it is today, there is no way to make Jane better."

"If this is happening to Jane who is such a good person, what chance do any of us have?" Kitty enquired as she cried quietly. "We…I should have listened to her when she tried to teach us the correct way to comport ourselves as gentleladies. But I was too busy having my fun to pay attention to her teachings, and now I will never have that chance!"

"Is it true Mama sent Jane to Netherfield Park on Nellie while knowing it was to rain?" Lydia wondered.

Bennet knew this was time for brutal honesty. "Your mother did so, yes, but it is not her fault, but mine." Three pairs of wet eyes stared at Bennet pleading for an explanation. "I could have overridden your mother's command. For the sake of my peace and quiet, I did not." Bennet allowed his words to percolate. Then he continued. "Even though it has been proved to be the worst thing we have ever done, neither your mother nor I wished for Jane to be caught in the rain. Your mother thought she would arrive at Netherfield Park before the rain, and I hoped it would be so."

"But you both allowed her to go, and no matter your intentions, it will cost Jane her life," Mary pointed out. "Did Lizzy know all of this?" Bennet nodded. "It is little wonder she ran out of the suite when we arrived. She was obviously not ready to face you and Mama."

"I believe you are accurate in what you say," Bennet acknowledged. Although she had not been willing to face them on this day, Bennet was certain that was a temporary state of affairs. Lizzy would not shy away from a confrontation and he had no doubt one was coming, and his second daughter's wrath would be great. If only Jane had not been so diffident and had listened to Lizzy when she had been urged to refuse to go on Nellie. He was well aware his last thought had been an obfuscation. The blame was his and he would have it.

"How long will we have to mourn?" Lydia asked as her desire to see the officers reasserted itself once again. "The regiment is only here until the spring…"

"You DARE think of officers when your sister lies on her deathbed?" Bennet thundered causing all three of his daughters to shrink back, none more so than the youngest. "You will be in deep mourning for three months complete, followed by three more of half mourning. There will be no more officers! Kitty and Lydia you are back in. I will not allow you out again until you show me you have matured, can think rationally, and behave as a lady!" Seeing the shocked faces of the two youngest, Bennet added. "Mayhap by the time Lydia is twenty I will take you both to a review."

Lydia stood and ran out of the drawing room, crying in earnest. The slam of her bedchamber door was heard soon enough. Kitty remained in her place. "I have not been a bad girl, Papa," Kitty claimed.

"I dare say you have not," Bennet admitted, "however, until you can show me that you have become your own person and do not follow Lydia any longer, you will remain in. As the older, you should be setting the example for your younger sister, not the other way around." It may be shocking to his family, but the days of his not taking his family in hand were forever behind him.

~~~~~~~/~~~~~~~

"As much as I realise the pain Miss Bennet's family, especially Miss Elizabeth, will feel at her passing, I know I will never get over the regret I was not able to propose to her and have her as my wife," Bingley rued. "Given what her family will go through, is that selfish of me?"

"I do not believe so. You love her, and you sensed she reciprocates your feelings, so the emotions you are experiencing are right and just," Darcy opined. "I too have a selfish desire, but I know it is neither the time nor the place for it now." Seeing his friend's quizzical look, Darcy explained, "I know Miss Elizabeth heard my vile words at the assembly, and I have hinted around the fact I am sorry for uttering them, but I am yet to make my amends directly to her."

"I believe Miss Elizabeth will not find an apology at this time, or any time, selfish on your part," Bingley mused. "Have you decided to pursue her?"

"Yes, I think I have, although I am not so selfish as to think to approach her before her mourning period, half mourning as well, has passed," Darcy revealed. "The apology needs to be made regardless of my hope she will look upon my suit with favour. Based on what she told me about her criteria to marry, she is one of the few women in England who would refuse me if I do not meet her standards for a future husband." Darcy cogitated for a moment. "I have a suggestion and it may sound like it is being made by an insane man."

"Go ahead," Bingley returned.

"Propose to Miss Bennet." Seeing the outraged look on Bingley's countenance, Darcy proceeded. "Yes, you will not be able to marry her, but she will pass from this world into God's kingdom knowing she had your love. It may be very comforting to her."

Now it was Bingley's turn to think deeply. As he did with any business proposition, he looked at the issue from all sides. His scowl changed to an upturn of his lips as he reached his conclusion. "By Jove, I think you may be onto something." Bingley sprang out of his chair. "Let us go and see if Miss Bennet is awake, and if so, you can deliver your apology to Miss Elizabeth."

Thus agreed, the two men left the study.

~~~~~~~/~~~~~~~

The maid answered a knock on the bedchamber door which led into the private sitting room. After a hushed conversation, she came and addressed Miss Elizabeth. "It be Mr Darcy an' Mr Bingley, Miss. The first gent ask to talk to you, an' the master want to speak to Miss Bennet."

Her three family members looked to Jane. "Hang…propriety," Jane managed. There was a ghost of a smile on Jane's pallid face.

The Gardiners would take this time to go downstairs to speak to Lilly and Eddy who had been visibly upset when they had come to say their goodbyes to their eldest cousin. They related their intention to Lizzy and left through the door from the bedchamber into the hallway.

"Gladys, will you join me in the sitting room?" Elizabeth requested. Propriety was no longer a factor for Jane, but it was for her.

"Aye, Miss Lizzy," the maid agreed.

Elizabeth stepped into the sitting room, the maid following her. "You may go in, Mr Bingley. Jane is awake, and given the sad circumstances, you may close the door all the way. "

Bingley gave a bow, made his way into the sickroom, and pushed the door closed.

"You asked to see me, Mr Darcy?" Elizabeth questioned.

"Thank you for your indulgence. It is doubly appreciated at a time of sorrow like this." Elizabeth felt tears prick her eyes when he alluded to Janey's pending death. "It may be selfish of me, but I wanted to make sure I say what I omitted to say when we spoke at Haye Park," Darcy explained. The way she cocked her head and arched an eyebrow pulled him to her, but he restrained himself. "I never apologised for the unconscionable words I said within your hearing at the assembly."

"It is not needed, Mr Darcy. Ever since I have come to know you somewhat, I have understood your regret over your intemperate words, and as we have discussed, they were not aimed at me," Elizabeth replied.

"My honour demands no less than a direct and personally delivered apology. Hence, Miss Elizabeth, I beg your pardon for the insulting words I dared to utter at the assembly past, which were the farthest thing from the truth. Even though the words were not directed at you, not only were they rude and out of line, but were patently false. Your looks lack for nothing and that same night, I learnt why you and others sit out. I throw myself on your mercy."

"If it makes you feel better, you are pardoned without any reservations," Elizabeth granted. "Now if you will excuse me, I must return to my sister's side."

"If you would, allow Bingley the time he needs," Darcy suggested. "May I ask why you do not follow Mr Jones's advice and have a rest and try to close your eyes for a while?"

"Jane will soon begin her eternal slumber; I will consider resting once Janey no longer needs me."

Darcy bowed to Miss Elizabeth and said not another word on the subject.

~~~~~~~/~~~~~~ ~

Bingley had to school his features when he saw Miss Bennet propped up by the pillows in her bed. The covers were pulled to just below her neck. He quickly learnt he had not disguise the look on his face fast enough.

"Do I…look so…very bad?" Jane teased.

"You will always be an angel to me." Bingley paused. "Please allow me to beg your pardon for the behaviour and actions of my younger sister which, I am sure, made your illness worse."

"I do not…hold you…responsible…for the…actions of…another," Jane insisted.

He went down onto one knee next to the bed and took the hand closest to him on his own. It was warm and clammy, but Bingley cared not. "Miss Bennet, I find that I have fallen deeply in love with you, and with your permission, I would like to do now what I would have soon enough had you not been taken ill." She nodded her agreement. "Jane Bennet, you will own a piece of my heart for eternity, and I will never forget you. Had I asked under different circumstances, would you have agreed to be my wife?"

"Yes, Charles, yes…I most certainly…would have…said yes," Jane declared.

"In that case, will you now agree to become engaged to me?" Bingley requested. All Jane could do was nod weakly.

Bingley stood and with her permission, he bussed her lips with his own. Jane closed her eyes to savour the brief sensation. ‘ At least I will not leave the mortal world not having been loved or kissed by a man I adore, ' Jane thought.

The hacking cough began again. With a tear in his eye, Bingley stood back. "Goodbye, my one and only angel," he managed before Miss Elizabeth and the maid rushed back into the chamber.

~~~~~~~/~~~~~~ ~

That night, sensing she would not see another, Jane refused the sleeping draft as her fever began to climb once again. "Lizzy," Jane croaked before the fever made her insensible.

With tears in her eyes, Elizabeth looked at her sister. "Yes, Janey."

"Need your…promise," Jane forced out.

"Anything for you, Janey," Elizabeth replied as the tears fell faster.

"Swear…to me…you will…live…after…I am…gone."

"I will not harm myself?"

"Not that… Do not…close your…heart…to love! Live! Now…vow."

Elizabeth would have been lying had she said she was surprised Jane was worrying about her when her own life was ebbing away. "After I have mourned you, I give you my word, Janey, I will be open to love again."

"Not…mourn…me for…ever, less…than one…year. Swear!"

"You have my word of honour," Elizabeth promised. At least Jane had not made her promise she would not be angry at those who caused the fast approaching tragedy.

Jane closed her eyes as her fever began to rage again, and the more it did, the harder it seemed to be for Jane to breathe. Just before midnight the Gardiners came and said their final goodbyes. Not long after the day became the eighteenth of October, Jones sent the maid from the room, and then he slipped out. There was nothing more he could do, and he wanted Miss Lizzy to be alone with her beloved sister at the end.

There was no missing Janey's laboured breaths were getting further and further apart. Elizabeth leaned forward and kissed Jane's burning forehead. "You do not need to hold on for me any longer. It is time for your suffering to end, go be with God," Elizabeth managed to say aloud as the tears ran from her eyes in rivers.

Jane must have heard her because a look of peace came over her face, and her chest stopped rising and falling. She was still. Jane was dead.