Chapter 11

11

K al scrubbed a hand over his mouth to hide what he feared was a doltish grin as he reread Ann’s short response for what must have been the twentieth time.

He felt like a fool standing here alone in a garden. But Ann had promised to come, and so he’d done as he’d promised and found a suitable place for the ensuing conversation.

He was close enough to the party that he could hear laughter and chatter, but separated by enough blasted flowers that he’d be suffering from hay fever for a week.

Worth it, though, if it meant he’d have a private conversation with Ann.

And when he spotted her, heading in his direction in a pale yellow gown that made her look like pure sunshine, all he could think was… worth it, indeed .

He’d suffer hay fever the rest of his life if it meant seeing her like this, a shy smile in place as she approached.

It might’ve been shy, but it was still a smile, and it gave him more hope than he had any right to. He gave a short bow. “Miss Truesdale.”

“It’s Ann, please.” She wasn’t quite meeting his gaze and the flush in her cheeks was both pretty and endearing. “I’m still not used to being referred to as Miss Truesdale.”

He nodded. “Miss Ann then.”

“No, just…Ann.” Here her cheeks flamed even pinker, and he had to fight the urge to reach for her and hold her close.

She shifted and her words came so slowly he knew she must have practiced. “I believe after…everything, you should just call me Ann.”

“Very well. You may call me John.”

Her startled gaze flew up to meet his. “Oh, but…must I?”

He frowned. “Pardon?”

“It’s only that…” She heaved a loud sigh. “I’ve only just mastered Lord Kalvin .”

His lips twitched. “I see.”

She turned her head slightly, her expression wary. “Are you laughing at me?”

“No, just appreciating your forthright nature.”

She bit her lip, her gaze sliding away as if she wasn’t quite sure if she believed him. It was the truth though. Of all the men and women of his acquaintance, no one spoke to him like Ann did.

“How about Kal?” he offered. “That’s what my friends call me.”

She wet her lips, and he tried not to notice. He was doing his best not to frighten her. And considering his mere presence seemed to cause her alarm, he suspected leering at her lips would not help matters.

“Kal,” she repeated softly.

And blast if his heart didn’t give a loud whomp in response.

She tilted her head to the side. “Are we friends then?”

It took him a moment to make the connection. That’s what my friends call me . Now it was his turn to shift uncomfortably. “I’m not terribly skilled at making friends. But I’d like to be.”

She nodded and her smile made his pulse race. “I’d like that as well.”

He wanted more. So much more. But he would happily take the status of friend as a start. And, as a friend, he really ought to stop staring like he was. But he couldn’t seem to stop drinking her in, filing away every detail of her appearance.

She was really quite stunning, and he had no idea why it had taken him so long to notice. Nor, for that matter, how all the eligible men of society weren’t falling at her feet.

He cleared his throat and gestured to the tall lattice covered in vines to his right. “Shall we?”

She pressed her lips together, but he was fairly certain he heard a soft giggle as she nodded and followed him until they were standing on either side of the thing.

“Better?” he asked.

“Yes. Thank you.”

He allowed himself a small smile since there was no chance the ivy would mistake it for amusement at her expense.

“Well, then,” he started. “I should like to apologize?—”

“No.” She spoke loudly, startling a bird out of a branch nearby.

“No?” he echoed.

“Please don’t. I do not need an apology. And if you apologize then I shall have to apologize, and I’m afraid there will be no end to it.”

“An endless circle of blame,” he said.

“Exactly.”

He thought that over. “I don’t see why you would apologize.”

She was quiet and he did not push the matter.

“I quite agree with you,” he said. “No more apologies. We have little time before one of our absences is noticed and I’m afraid I am too curious for my own good.”

He thought perhaps he’d have to spell it out, but her light laughter filled the air between them, easing something tight in his chest and making his lips curve up once more.

“Dottie is my cousin,” she said.

“Ah. And what foul deed did this cousin do?”

“What she always does…” There was laughter in her tone as well as dry humor that he adored. “She took pity on me.”

He frowned. “She what?”

Her sigh was soft and sweet. “I adore my cousin, but she’s always seen me as…as a project, I suppose.”

He opened his mouth to say, I see or something of the sort. But he found himself too bewildered. “A project.”

“Mmm.” She hesitated, and somehow he knew to be patient. “I am not…er, that is…” She took a deep breath and let it out with a loud whoosh. “That is not how you see me, is it? That is…Did you k-kiss me because?—”

“No!” He fairly shouted it, and they both went quiet, waiting to see if anyone would come running. In a calmer, quieter voice, he added, “No, Ann. I did not kiss you out of…”

“Charity?” she supplied.

“Certainly not.”

“Then…why?”

“ Why ?” His heart sputtered and faltered. So forthright. So genuine. So…Ann. “Because—” He wanted to be just as honest, just as forthright. And so he settled on, “Because I wanted to.”

She was quiet for so long he itched to crane his neck around to see her expression. But to his surprise, he didn’t have to. Her head poked around the edge of the lattice, her eyes bright. “Truly?”

“Truly.”

Her cheeks flushed again, but her gaze held his. And that right there…

That was a triumph. His heart ached as she looked straight at him. Then her brows drew together slightly causing a line above her nose. “Did you mean it then when you said that you…admire me?”

His lips curved up on one side. She had no idea. “Very much.”

Her brows furrowed even more. “B-because I…I’ve overcome hardship.” She flinched as she added, “Or, am trying to overcome it, rather.”

“Yes,” he said again. “I also admire your forthright nature, and I appreciate that you don’t seem to have any agendas or artifice. It’s…refreshing.”

She still had an air of disbelief about her that he despised. Was it really so difficult for her to believe that a man might have feelings for her?

“You’re also beautiful,” he added.

Her cheeks turned an alarming shade of red. Perhaps he shouldn’t have mentioned that part.

But her eyes were bright as she gave him that shy smile again. “Thank you.”

Still, he got the sense that she still didn’t believe him. That was intolerable. He took a step closer, oddly heartened when she didn’t back away.

“Ever since I found that notebook, I’ve been…paying attention.” He held her gaze. “I’ve seen your kindness and your generosity with your friends, I’ve overheard your wit, and have watched you stay in the shadows so that others may enjoy the light.”

Her eyes widened, and oh how he wished he could tug her out from behind that lattice and pull her into his arms.

He swallowed hard. “You seem content to let everyone overlook you, and I find I do not want to be like everyone else in that regard. In that way, everyone else is a fool.”

“I…” She nibbled on her lip with a frown. “I don’t know what to say.”

He let out a huff of amusement. “That’s fine. It would seem that love has made me talkative enough for both of us.”

Her eyes were wide as saucers now, and he realized a beat too late what he’d just said.

Love.

He loved her.

This much he’d already come to understand. But he truly hadn’t meant to tell her that. Blast, that hadn’t been part of his plan.

He couldn’t say he regretted it though.

He arched a brow. “Have I frightened you?”

She shook her head, but she was still half hiding behind the lattice, and her knuckles were white where she gripped its edge.

“I like seeing your face,” he said.

Apparently, he really was taking a cue from Ann with her forthright statements. And to his delight, her face lit with a smile. “I like seeing your face as well.”

He nodded, pretending to think that over as he tried—and no doubt failed—to hide how much he loved to hear that. “So, am I a little less terrifying then?”

“A little.” There was a teasing glint in her eyes.

“I see.” His lips twitched but he donned a thoughtful tone again as he rocked back on his heels. “And is it because I behaved like a fool, because I kissed you, or because I’ve just admitted that I’m in love with you?”

“Mmm.” She narrowed her eyes as she mimicked his thoughtful expression. “A little of each, I’d say.”

He burst out in a laugh that surprised him as well as her. He wasn’t sure when he’d last laughed like that, but he found he rather adored the sweet smile she wore as she watched him.

“Ann?” a voice called.

They both turned toward the garden’s entry where someone had called for her.

“I’ll be right there!” Ann turned to face him, and…was she just as loath to walk away, or was that just wishful thinking again?

With a muttered comment he couldn’t make out, she began to dig into pockets he hadn’t realized were there in her gown. “How useful,” he said.

“Aren’t they, though?” She cast him a wry smile. “Unless one’s pockets are too shallow and one’s notebook falls out. Then…not so useful.”

“Indeed.”

She grinned and held a piece of parchment in his direction. “For you.”

He took it readily.

“It did not seem fair that I’m the only one allowed to prepare for a conversation. These are my questions for you.”

He found himself fighting a smile. “How thoughtful. Thank you.”

She dipped her head and started to turn away.

“Ann…”

She stopped and looked up at him.

“I thought you should know…” He was oddly tongue-tied now that she was staring at him so expectantly.

I just thought you should know…what? That I love you? He’d already told her that, in so many words. That you’re beautiful? Again, he’d made it clear he found her attractive.

He hadn’t thought this through. But he couldn’t watch her walk away without saying…something. Something to let her know just how serious he was.

“I’ve never had to fight for anything before…” he started slowly.

She frowned. “I don’t believe that’s true.”

He arched his brows in surprise, and then waited for her to continue.

Her cheeks turned a pretty shade of pink but her gaze never left his. “It’s just…I don’t…I c-can’t imagine one inherits a title such as yours without some challenges.”

He tipped his head back as he turned over her words, and then lifted a shoulder. “Challenges, yes. I’ve had to earn respect, which was not always easy.” He chose his words carefully. “I learned to garner some fear, I suppose, as fear equals power...”

She looked a little confused by that, and he loved her all the more for that confusion. There was something so incredibly pure about this young lady. She was such a curious mix of pragmatic yet optimistic, brave yet fragile. And it would be his greatest privilege to be the man who protected her, encouraged her, and stood by her side as she showed the world just how strong she could be.

She nibbled on her lower lip and then prompted him. “That could be considered fighting for something, could it not?”

He shook his head. “I’ve faced challenges, yes, but I’ve never had to fight for something that I want. I’ve merely had to prove myself.”

“There’s a difference,” she said.

He nodded. “Yes. From the start I’ve admired you for the fact that you are willing to fight every day for a right the rest of us take for granted.”

Despite her name being called again, neither of them moved, though the silence grew strained and taut. If they were caught alone here, it could cause her trouble. Not so much for him as he had every intention of marrying her. But she ought to have a say in the matter.

So he glanced over her shoulder to ensure no one was heading their way before meeting her gaze and adding, “I just want you to know that I will gladly fight for you.”

Her eyes widened. “P-pardon?”

“I mean to fight for you.” He leaned down, needing her to see how serious he was. “And this is me…throwing my hat in the ring.”