Chapter Thirteen

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

From the Kitchen of Verbena Fullbright

In my kitchen, if I'm using a toothpick to test a cake for doneness, I want to see a few moist crumbs clinging to it. A dry, clean toothpick means the cake is overdone. There's a fine line between being too early and too late, but all it takes is a little practice to find the sweet spot.

Addie

"May I offer you a seat?"

I startled at the sound of the voice so close to my ear. At the way my body reacted to it, even after all these years. Sawyer . I pulled myself together and faced him.

He had two camp chairs slung over his shoulder, and before I could even tell him yes or no, he took one out of its fabric sleeve and set it to rights on the patch of grass that served as a scenic overlook for the starlight field.

It was fully dark and the starlight above was putting on a show tonight, twinkling like a million diamonds in the sky. But the starlight below was even more mesmerizing. The aurora glowed full-force tonight, the blue, gold, green, and silver swaying in a slow, captivating rhythm.

Somewhere in the light was Aunt Bean and Tessa Jane. I'd lost sight of them shortly after they stepped onto the starwalk, but I could easily picture Aunt Bean's smile as she soaked in the beauty around her.

"Thanks," I said to him, not too proud to accept the seat. I was likely going to be here awhile longer.

When Sawyer had approached, I'd been standing, my arms crossed tight, my backside soaked because I'd underestimated how the moisture, left over from the snow, would leach through the blanket I'd brought to sit on.

Behind me, solar path lights illuminated the perimeter of the parking lot, which was near to full. Watching over the crowds that visited the site was the work of four attendants. Throughout the night they manned the parking lot, guided people along starwalk, and regaled tourists with the story of the fallen star.

Before me, colorful waves of light shimmered. I'd seen this starlight hundreds of times. Thousands, even. Yet it was still as wondrous as the first time I'd laid eyes on it. There was something about it that filled the heart, the soul. Something soothing, peaceful.

It was hard to believe that its clarity could ever lead someone astray.

But I knew it had.

Sawyer set up the other chair next to mine, keeping a good foot between us, and sat, stretching his legs out.

Under any other circumstances, his nearness would've sent my stress levels through the roof, but I was full of starlight- and kitten-induced endorphins. Truly, if kitten therapy wasn't a thing, it should be. I'd named the kitten I was caring for Stella, and I was already in love.

It had taken approximately two minutes before deciding to adopt her, but common sense kicked in soon after. Kittens were a big commitment, and I needed to be sure, absolutely sure, before jumping in. Especially since I'd never had a pet of my own before.

I looked to my left, toward Bean's farmhouse. Warm light glowed in the windows, cozy and inviting. Since Henrietta had been to see the starlight recently, she had volunteered to stay behind to keep an eye on all the animals. And again, I wondered if she was giving me space to get used to her presence. Which I appreciated. The weekend had been overwhelming to say the least.

Eventually, my gaze wandered to Sawyer's cabin, only a short distance from the farmhouse, along the tree line. I could see only the porch light on.

"Is Luna here?" I asked, suddenly worried she was going to pop out of the starlight and bombard me with questions about Ree.

"She has play practice until eight." He checked his watch. "She has a ride home, but I'll need to leave soon to meet her at the cabin."

Because it was impossible not to notice how handsome he looked in the glow of the starlight, I forced myself to glance away. "You're not working, are you?"

It didn't seem like it. Plus, I didn't think he worked nights anymore.

He said, "The starlings raised a ruckus about an hour ago, so I drove over to investigate."

The starlings were the best security guards around, hands down.

"Did you find anything?"

"What I found was Bones Ryerson running for his life." He chuckled, and the laugh wrapped around me like a hug from an old friend. "The starlings had put a mighty scare into him. He all but jumped into my moving truck and bawled like a baby, telling me how he'd been looking for diamonds after hearing Winchester talking about them. I carried him home, told him next time I'd turn him in for trespassing. He won't be back. The starlings make quite an impression when they're protecting the land. All the same, I thought I'd stick around for a while just in case someone else came along with the same idea. Then I saw you."

I glanced at him, then quickly away. I zipped my coat up to my neck and tucked my chin into it. I told myself not to think about the sound of his voice when he'd said then I saw you . The warmth. The, oh lord , the tenderness.

"I came with Tessa Jane and Aunt Bean. They're in there somewhere."

A waist-high rope fence was strung around the edge of the crater—not because there was a steep drop-off but more to keep things orderly. The starwalk had one entrance and one exit and sat low to the ground, supported by cement piers instead of footings that would've had to have been drilled. Along the wooden walkway, rope guardrails prevented people from venturing into the crater. Most respected the rules. The ones that didn't were either escorted away by the attendants or the starlings. One was much more preferable than the other.

He smiled. "Knowing Miss Verbena, she'll be in there awhile."

The starwalk usually took only ten to fifteen minutes to complete start to finish. But with Aunt Bean's mobility issues these days, plus the way she dawdled when surrounded by the light, it would probably take her a half hour or so, maybe more, to walk end to end.

"At least it's a nice night," I said.

"That it is."

I wanted to say so much more. To ask about Luna. And him. And his family. But I didn't want to risk opening old wounds or letting Ree's secret slip.

Because the longer I sat here with him, the more tension built. I practiced my box breathing. He'd be leaving soon. It was fine. I was fine. I could keep a secret for a few more minutes.

"Heard you've got a couple of new furry family members," Sawyer finally said.

"We're just fostering."

He laughed.

The whole town probably knew by now how Ty had pulled a fast one on Tessa Jane and me. I grinned as I pictured the fluffy bundle of joy waiting for me at home as I said, "It's like Ty had Tessa Jane and me under a spell."

"I get it. He's why we have a teddy bear hamster named Melon."

"A hamster ?"

He shook his head. "Long story."

I wanted to say I had time to hear it, but I didn't exactly want him to stay.

The silence yawned and stretched between us, growing loud and uncomfortable.

A few minutes had passed when he nodded toward the glowing aurora. "You didn't want to walk with Miss Verbena and Tessa Jane? No need for clarity of mind, of heart?" he asked as though he was one of the attendants and I was a tourist.

I was starting to regret accepting the seat. "You know how I've always felt about the starlight."

"I also know people change. I thought time might've given you another perspective on the starlight, other than your mama's."

Even though he spoke with no hint of judgment, I sensed there was more to the statement than he let on. Our conversation had veered into dangerous territory. I tugged my sleeves down over my hands.

I wanted to tell him it wasn't only my mama's perspective—that I'd learned the lesson for myself. Thanks to Ree.

In my head, I heard her telling me, "Luna is Ace's baby, Addie."

In a flash, I was back in the Coosa County hospital, sitting at her bedside. Luna was only an hour old and had been taken by nurses to the special care nursery for some extra suctioning of her tiny lungs. At that point in time, Ree and Ace had been officially broken up for almost a year, but I knew she'd had trouble staying away from him completely, even though he'd been a mess of drugs and anger. She finally quit him cold turkey right before senior homecoming and had enlisted Sawyer to take her to the dance as a ruse to keep Ace away.

After the dance, they kept up the pretend relationship.

But while that phony relationship might've protected Ree from Ace, it had broken something between Sawyer and me.

I couldn't bear seeing them together, even pretending, so I had distanced myself, only hanging out with them every once in a while instead of all the time. I threw myself into working at the bakery, into schoolwork, into anything that would help me ignore my broken heart.

Somewhere along the line, their sham of a relationship had become real, which came to light not long after Christmas that year when Ace had tragically overdosed. At his funeral, Ree had sobbed so hard, she'd made herself so sick she had to be carried off to the urgent care. That was where she found out she was expecting. Everyone assumed, even me, that it was Sawyer's baby.

Tears pooled in my eyes as I had said to her, "Does Sawyer know?"

"Don't go worrying about him." She then winced and rubbed her temples. She'd been fighting a headache since she went into labor. It had been a long, rough delivery. When she had asked me to be there for the birth, I'd been surprised, but I couldn't say no. I still loved her, even though it hurt to be around her and Sawyer.

"How can you say that, Ree? He's down the hall outside the nursery right this minute, proud as a peacock, telling people he's her daddy."

"He is her daddy. At least as far as I'm concerned. And as far as the starlight is, too."

"What do you mean, the starlight?"

"I did a starwalk when I found out I was carrying Luna. I had so many decisions, choices weighing on my heart. I came out of there knowing Sawyer was my answer. No matter what happens between us, he'll be good to her."

My voice cracked. "Why're you telling me this?"

It felt like she'd staked a claim on him, when one wasn't really needed. As much as it hurt, I'd already stepped aside, which was why I hadn't known she'd reconnected with Ace at some point.

"I just," she sniffled, "it's just that I was looking at her, all pink and beautiful with that headful of dark hair and adorable widow's peak, and I started thinking about Ace. I was overcome with a need for you to know who she is, who she came from, even if we don't ever talk about it again."

"But Ree, you know how hard it is for me to keep secrets."

She sat up and her eyes went wide as she grabbed my arm. "You cannot tell anyone, Addie! Nobody! We have to protect her from the Buckleys. I will not let them hurt my baby. She needs to be raised by people who will love her, cherish her. This is how we do it."

Tears ran down my face as I thought about what Ace had done to Ree. I didn't want his daddy or his younger brother to even look at that baby.

My throat was so tight with emotion that all I could do was nod.

I would keep this secret if it killed me.

Ree leaned back against the pillows. "It'll be Sawyer's name on her birth certificate, too. He's been so good ab—" The word broke off as she suddenly gasped for air. Her hands flew to her chest. Panic flared in her brown eyes. Alarms started blaring from the machinery at her bedside.

Within seconds the room flooded with nurses, then doctors. I'd been pushed into the hallway, out of the way as they fought to stabilize her, to save her life. Minutes turned to hours. Hours to days. Then she was gone, never having regained consciousness after suffering an amniotic fluid embolism.

A hand on my arm shook me out of my memories.

Sawyer said, "You okay there?"

My heart raced. The ethereal starlight blurred from the tears in my eyes. "Actually, no. Can you tell Aunt Bean and Tessa Jane I went home? I'm not feeling well."

With that, I stood and started jogging, then running, toward the farmhouse, pretending not to hear Sawyer's voice as he called after me.

The next afternoon, as I hurried out of the big red barn, I said, "I'll be back soon."

"Don't go getting lost," Delilah called after me, as if she knew I didn't want to come back.

Tuesdays were a catch-up, catch-all kind of day that set the tone for the whole week. And it seemed this week was destined to be a hot mess.

Pinky's X-rays had revealed that her wrist was broken, so she wouldn't be able to work for the next six weeks. One of the refrigerators stopped cooling. A grounded electrical outlet kept tripping. I'd dropped a jar of sprinkles on the floor, scattering glass and a rainbow of color. Aunt Bean had taken Ernie's wishes to heart and had asked Luna Gray if she might be interested in sweeping up the barn kitchen every now and again after school, and she'd jumped at the chance. She'd texted Bean earlier that she had time today. Which meant she'd be arriving soon.

And if all that wasn't enough, in a long conversation she'd taken outside, Aunt Bean had spoken with her doctor about the echocardiogram results. For all that talking, however, when she came back in, she'd only said that he was calling her in a new prescription and wanted her to have a cardiac MRI before he gave an official diagnosis.

My stomach had knotted and hadn't eased up since. She most definitely was not telling us everything. Probably so we wouldn't worry. Which only worried me more .

By three thirty, I felt like I was about to suffocate. When I heard the dogs barking in the backyard, I decided they were the perfect excuse to get some fresh air. An added bonus would be escaping before Luna arrived. A bright side.

She was expected to arrive at four, and I knew I couldn't avoid her forever, but I hoped Bean would have her so busy when I got back that she wouldn't have time to pepper me with questions about Ree.

I wasn't sure I could handle it emotionally. Everything I'd tamped down for the last twelve years was threatening to erupt like a volcano of grief, its lava a fiery flow of anguish and sorrow.

Last night was the first time I'd let myself fully re-live what had happened in the hospital with Ree, and it had left me shaken and vulnerable to memories I'd locked away long ago. Thoughts of her had been intruding all day, making my stomach ache, my chest tighten, my eyes fill with tears. It had been like working alongside a ghost who kept popping up and shouting, "Boo!" in my ear just to see me come undone.

Which she would find hilarious. She loved making a surprise appearance.

Hambone and Pepper trotted ahead of me as we walked through the woods. The Sassafras Creek was full, the water rushing along contentedly. Every so often I'd catch a glimpse of early blooming yarrow, which offered a cheerful flash of color as I led the dogs down a well-worn deer path toward the water, letting them splash and play for a few minutes before moving on. I hadn't set out with a destination in mind, but five minutes into the walk, I realized exactly where I was headed.

At a fork in the path, I steered the dogs down a short trail that led to a small cemetery, tucked into a sunny meadow bordered by a mountain laurel hedge. In a few months the evergreen shrubs would be covered in pink flowers, and I wondered if I would still be here in Starlight when they bloomed.

Today especially, I itched to go back to Birmingham, to my old, lonely life. There, it was easier, so much easier, to keep secrets buried.

But at the same time, the thought of leaving about tore me in two. I adored being here with Aunt Bean and Tessa Jane and the Sugarbirds. It felt like this was where I belonged. But I'd rather sacrifice my happiness than destroy Luna's and Sawyer's by blurting out the truth of her parentage.

The fallout of that situation would be devastating, as I imagined Luna being taken away from him, away from the only home she'd ever known. I hurt just thinking about it—I couldn't imagine what a separation would do to her. To him. And then there was Sawyer. He'd rearranged his whole life, abandoned all his dreams, to be her father. How would he react, knowing she wasn't his? Would he be mad at Ree? I couldn't bear the thought. Especially without Ree here to defend herself.

With a shake of my head, I banished the thoughts. I was thinking too hard about something that was not going to happen. Because I was keeping Ree's secret safe and sound.

I drew in a deep breath, held it, and slowly let it out as I walked along rows of headstones, toward one on the far side of the cemetery, thinking for the millionth time that Ree would hate that she was buried here.

I'd lost count of how many times she'd said, "I can't wait to get out of here, move to New York City, become a somebody."

In her bedroom in the doublewide she shared with her granny, she'd tacked pieces of cardboard to the wall to create as a vision board, adding new sections as her hopes and dreams expanded. Every time I visited, there were more pictures—usually ones ripped straight out of library magazines. Skyscrapers and fancy dresses and Broadway billboards. Expensive apartments, champagne flutes, limousines.

"You're already a somebody," I'd always say to her.

She'd laugh and jump to her feet, tossing her head back and throwing her arms wide as if embracing an audience. "No, somebody famous! Beloved by all."

After she'd died, I'd begged her granny to let me scatter Ree's ashes in New York City, sprinkling them here and there and everywhere I could. I'd wanted to take her where she most wanted to go—to make sure her dreams came true, even in a small, bittersweet way. But her brokenhearted granny had overridden my pleas, insisting Ree stay right here in Starlight near her, and I had no recourse but to accept the decision since I wasn't family and had no official say-so.

The dogs stretched their leashes to explore as I stepped up to her headstone, pulled in a deep breath. Reeanna Finn Oakes .

I ran my fingers over the word etched into the stone under her name, a request of mine her granny had allowed. Beloved .

Hambone wandered over to me, nudging my hand. I patted his silky head, trying to assure him that I was okay. "I just miss her," I told him.

I would've sworn there was understanding in his eyes, before his head came up suddenly and he stiffened. Pepper started barking happily, jumping around.

I turned and saw a young girl striding down the grassy aisle toward me. Luna.

I don't know why I'd expected her to get a ride to the big red barn. Of course she had walked—the distance was so short from her home, the path cutting straight through the cemetery. I could've kicked myself.

She wore cuffed jeans, a dark T-shirt with a white flower printed on it, an unbuttoned flannel shacket, and a giant smile.

Ree's smile.

My knees went a bit weak at the sight of it—sheer happiness at seeing a little of my friend once again.

"Howdy, Miss Addie!" Luna said cheerfully, making it clear she knew exactly who I was and saving me the misery of having to make proper introductions. Undoubtedly she'd seen the pictures of me that Bean had scattered around the farmhouse.

"Hi, Luna," I said, forcing a smile as my heart jackhammered in my chest.

Both Pepper and Hambone wiggled with happiness as she came near enough to pat them. She dropped to her knees and let the dogs slobber her face with kisses. "I've missed you, too!" she said to them, giving both their heads noisy kisses.

"You know Pepper?" I asked.

Luna looked at me, her blue eyes shining. "I've had to drag Hambone back from Dare's house a time or two for Miss Ernie. He likes Pepper. Hambone, I mean. Well, Dare does, too." She laughed, the sound as bright as the stars in the sky.

Ree's laugh.

I breathed deeply and fought tears all the while wanting to make Luna laugh again, simply so I could hear a sound I'd long forgotten. No, not forgotten. Blocked .

I started counting headstones. "That makes sense."

"I heard you rescued Pepper in the storm." Sun glinted off her braided raven hair, revealing a natural blueish undertone as she gently cupped the dog's face in her hands. She used a funny, singsong voice to say, "That must've been sooooo scary for you."

Pepper's tail couldn't possibly wag any harder.

And I couldn't hold back a smile.

Luna also had Ree's big personality.

"And Dare, too, probably," she added. "He loves Pepper more than anything. Well, maybe not more than Petal." She wrinkled her nose as if giving the statement more thought, then shrugged her slim shoulders and stood up. "I went by Miss Verbena's house to see you the other day."

I feigned surprise as my pulse pounded in my ears. "Oh really?"

"But you weren't home."

I brushed a bug off my sleeve. "It's been a busy week."

"I never thought to look for you here. Were you visiting Mom?"

My throat was so tight I couldn't get a word out, so I nodded.

"I do that sometimes, too. Are you going back to Miss Verbena's now? I can walk with you."

I tried to think of a way to get out of it, but she had such hope in her eyes, I couldn't bring myself to let her down. I nodded again.

She held out her hand. "I can take one of the leashes."

I gave her Hambone's and we started back toward the woods, the dogs leading the way.

"Hey, Miss Addie, can I ask you something?"

I clutched my star necklace. "Sure," I squeaked.

"Can you do the Poppy Kay voice for me? I just love it. You're so great in that show. Did Miss Verbena tell you I want to be an actress one day?" She skipped every few steps as she walked, like her energy couldn't be held back any longer. "Did you know I'm in a play? I'm Frog in Alice in Wonderland ." She ribbitted . "It's not a big part, but that's okay. Oh! I heard you got a kitten from Mister Ty. Can I hold it later on, after I'm done helping Miss Verbena? And oh! Did you know…"

We walked through the woods toward the barn, the sound of the creek a backdrop to Luna's steady voice. I'd been so nervous about being able to hide the truth around her. Now I started to wonder if I'd been worried for nothing. Because it seemed Luna was perfectly happy to be the one doing all the talking.