Chapter 22

22

W hat the fuck was wrong with me?

All of those lectures and pep talks I gave myself on not being weak and protecting myself? A complete waste of time, apparently, seeing how I turned into a pile of salivating goo at the mere sight of Jack with his shirt off. I was ready to climb that man like a freaking beanstalk. Thank gods he not only put a stop to it but gave me an out while he was at it.

Even if it was bullshit.

While it’s true that vampire venom can send the person bitten into a lust spiral—werewolves especially—what Jack seemed to be forgetting was that I’m not just any run-of-the-mill werewolf. I’m an alpha. And alphas don’t lose their cool just because some vamp injects them with a little liquid aphrodisiac.

Nope. My response was a hundred percent me, and that right there was the root of the problem: Jack made me lose control. And I refused to let that happen, because the fallout when things ultimately went south wouldn’t be pretty. Forget the months of wallowing. I’d been pathetic, sure, but at least I wasn’t hurting anyone. But then the pain had turned into something deeper, something harder. I’d lashed out—I’d hurt Lyall , for fuck’s sake. The sweetest, gentlest person in the gods-damned forest. I’d been an absolute mess, and I’d dragged my entire pack along with me. And when my head finally cleared enough to take a closer look at my life, I hadn’t liked what I saw.

I may never be an angel, but I know I can do better.

I am doing better.

I just need to keep my head screwed on tight, which means not screwing Jack. No matter how much I may want to.

“Here we go.”

I pushed the door to the foyer open and did a quick check for Gregar. His lumbering form had moved to the other side of the massive hall, so instead of my usual dash and go technique, this time I applied a bit more stealth while slinking onto the landing. Jack ghosted my shoulder, his breath skimming my curls while we tiptoed down the steps. We made it halfway to the next landing before the shadow giant’s head turned, its jaw hinging open as a deep, guttural moan shook the floor beneath our feet.

Time to run.

Thank gods Jack had fed, because I sure as hell didn’t fancy getting anywhere near that black hole of a mouth. Glittering teeth flashed inside its maw while it slunk across the marble floor, but Jack and I were oiled lightning, covering the short distance remaining and stumbling through the door well in advance of the giants’ swiping claws before slamming it shut.

“Please tell me Veloria’s Blessing is closer than I think it is,” I said, shuddering at the memory of gnashing teeth as long as my legs.

Jack grimaced. “It’s really not.”

“Shit.”

“Yep.”

Less than a hundred feet away, the door to Jack’s cabin opened and Calum’s head poked out, with Tenebris appearing close behind. I lifted my chin toward the two of them. “I can’t bring him with us. He’ll never make it.”

“Who, Tentacles?” Jack eyed Tenebris with disdain. “I take it he doesn’t have any hidden powers then?”

“He used to,” I admitted, watching my best friend run a hand through his suspiciously-tousled black hair. What exactly were he and Calum up to while we were gone? “Not so much anymore.”

“That’s unfortunate.”

“Trust me, it’s not. Tenebris and power are not a good mix. He did some… questionable things.” I crossed my arms, the weight of Jack’s gaze pricking the side of my face. “ We did some questionable things.”

When he didn’t say anything, I glanced in his direction.

He arched his brow. “So you’ve mentioned.”

My fingers dug into my biceps as my hands clenched. “But were you listening?”

“Oh, I’m listening. And what I’m hearing is someone trying their absolute hardest to push me away.”

“That’s not?—”

“There’s a flaw in your plan, though.” Jack’s calloused fingers wrapped around the back of my neck, thumb brushing the place his lips had so recently been.

I fought to keep my voice steady. “There is no plan.”

“The problem is,” he continued, ignoring my feeble protests, “you think I’m someone who can be scared off by, what? The fact that you’ve done bad things? The amount of people you’ve been with?” His hand slid up along my jaw, gently tipping my face until I had no choice but to meet his gaze. “Mariana, I have been trapped in this curse-riddled castle for ten years, and not a day has gone by that I didn’t think of you. I know the sheer agony of being torn apart from you, so if you think for one second that I’m going to judge you for doing whatever you had to do to fill that gaping hole where our love used to be, you’ve got another thing coming. Because I don’t care if you razed half the forest or took your entire fucking pack to bed. I will always want you.”

My legs were trembling. Literally trembling. I forced a shaky laugh. “Please. If you wanted me so badly, you would have taken me when you had the chance. But you didn’t, because you’re a good guy. And good guys don’t stay with women like me. Not for the long run, anyway.”

You’ll leave. When I free us from this castle and you see your future sprawling before you, you’ll realize I’m not what you need and leave. And I’ll be ruined all over again.

Jack’s eyes narrowed, his thumb gliding over my skin until it was pressed against my lower lip. “If that’s the case”—his grip tightened while he leaned down, closing what little distance remained between us—“then I guess I’ll just have to be a bad guy.”

“You…” Oh gods, I couldn’t think, couldn’t move. All I could do was hold my breath when his head dipped even farther, his lips achingly close to mine.

“What’s going on here?”

Tenebris’s amused voice cut through my daze, and I wrenched myself free of Jack’s hold. “Nothing’s going on.” I took a step back, praying a little space would dampen the intensity of Jack’s gaze. It didn’t, although I swore the corner of his mouth twitched upward. I turned, focusing on Tenebris and Calum, both of whom looked far too entertained. “We were just coming to find you and go over the plan. Jack’s harp friend gave us a lead.”

Tenebris’s eyes crinkled, a cheeky smirk spreading across his face. “That’s great. ’Cause for a minute there it looked like the two of you were on the verge of sucking face, which would be awkward seeing as how we’re together. Isn’t that right, sweetheart?”

I narrowed my eyes on my so-called friend. “That’s right.”

“We’ll go ahead and grab you something eat. You guys must be famished,” Calum interjected, slapping his hand on Tenebris’s shoulder and dragging him backward. “Be right back.”

“Hear that, Mari? We’ll be right back, so try to keep it in your—oof!” Tenebris grunted as Calum’s elbow hit his side, and I shot my pack mate a grateful look while he hauled the mischievous bastard back to the shelter.

“Tell me again how he’s your lover,” Jack remarked, crossing his arms over his chest with a smug look when I swung my glare at him.

“He’s easygoing,” I snapped back. “Unlike someone else I know.”

“If you’re referring to me, you’re right. If you were still mine, there’s no way in hell I’d be laughing if I caught some guy with his hands all over you. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’d wanna rip those fucking hands right off.” He nodded toward Tenebris and Calum’s retreating figures, his gaze never wavering from mine. “You really think I’m gonna believe he’s the one holding you at night?”

“It doesn’t matter what you believe,” I retorted. “Because he is.”

“Bullshit.”

“It’s true.”

“Bull. Shit.”

Gods damn, why did he have to be so freaking stubborn? A growl of frustration rumbled through my chest as I threw my hands into the air. “You know what? Fine. You win. Tenebris and I haven’t been together for almost two years. In fact, I haven’t been with anyone for almost two years. I’m just a dried- up, wannabe hermit who hasn’t felt even the tiniest bit of desire since Tenebris’s curse stopped affecting the forest.” Or I hadn’t, anyway, until seeing Jack. But there was no way I was going to admit that out loud. I stuck my chin out. “Happy now?”

A soft smile settled on Jack’s face, and he brushed his knuckles against my cheek. “Not quite, but I’m getting there.” He dropped his hand, and I had to force myself not to reach for it. His gaze was already far too knowing as he turned toward the cabin. “Come on. Let’s go make some plans.”