Chapter 35

CHAPTER 35

“ T hank you, again, for agreeing to accompany me, Lady Anne.”

Anne smiled reassuringly and nodded. “Of course, Your Grace. I did tell you I was happy to attend any event with you if you wished. In fact, you are doing me a favor by getting me out of the house. My brother has been rather irritable lately, and it has not been an enjoyable experience, sharing the same space with him.”

“Oh,” Juliet frowned. “Perhaps he is stressed by his work? I know that it seems to be what is keeping Hector away for such a prolonged time.”

“Perhaps. He has been rather secretive with his dealings lately. I think he merely does not want me to worry. He’s always liked shielding me from all his dire concerns,” Anne mused thoughtfully.

“See? Maybe that is all there is. Do not worry too much.”

Anne nodded again, just as the carriage came to a slow stop in front of the Crawford estate where the party they were attending would be hosted.

When Juliet had received the invitation, she had been reluctant to go to yet another event where she would be subjected to whispers and ridiculous rumors. But then she recalled that Anne had offered her company and resolved that she could endure it if she had someone along with her to keep her mind off the conversations centered around her.

The party was in the garden of the estate, and already the night was abuzz with happy, excitable conversations and lively music. The area was lit up by bright lanterns, and there were numerous tables around carrying refreshments and appetizers.

Anne quickly pointed out the host, a Baroness Crawford with loud boisterous laughter and glowing cheeks. The woman appeared to be having the best time surrounded by all her guests as she practically danced from one conversation to another.

Juliet knew that she would have to speak with her eventually, to at least thank her for the invitation, but Anne pulled her towards the assortment of treats, saying gently,

“You should eat something. You look nervous, and I’m sure a conversation might cause you to lose your appetite sooner or later.”

Juliet conceded in favor of the mini cakes which were some of the best she had ever tried, soon lost in their flavor as Anne supplied some gossip of her own.

The younger woman seemed well informed, just as she had been during her first visit to Islington Hall, pointing out who was doing what with covert ease.

“I heard that Lady Stevens has been calling on the physician far too much lately, over the most trifle matters. First it was a headache then a sore throat, and the further the days go by, the less serious her issues are. There are rumors that she might be sleeping with him!” she whispered.

“No! Is she not married?” Juliet gasped.

“She might as well not be, given how often her husband is away on business. His works always takes him as far as France, and it is widely known that she does not like to sleep alone. The doctor might only be her most recent fixation,” Anne mumbled as she lifted her glass to her lips.

“Well, that is just?—”

“Your Grace! How kind of you to make it!”

Juliet straightened her posture immediately, pulling on a smile she had long since learned to craft for the benefit of the person on the other end of it.

“Lady Crawford. Thank you for inviting me,” she said. “Your party has been a lovely time so far.”

“I’m glad you think so,” the Baroness smiled, looking pleased. “It took me ages to plan it, and I am determined to ensure that my guests have a swell time.”

“It is being had, My Lady,” Anne assured kindly.

“It might have been much better, had the Duchess of Islington failed to make an appearance.”

Juliet stiffened, turning to find that the voice sounded familiar because it belonged to a woman who seemed to have made it her personal duty to mock the Duchess. This was the third time Juliet had met her at an event, and much like this one, she seemed to be offended that Juliet had found no issue in showing her face in public.

“Lady Perrin. Good evening,” Juliet tried to sound amicable and welcoming whilst the Baroness glanced between them.

“Lady Perrin, that is a disrespectful claim to make. The Duchess hasn’t done anything to disrupt the evening in any way,” Lady Crawford stated with mild disapproval.

“Oh, but haven’t you noticed, Lady Crawford? A lot of people are uncomfortable being in her presence. Her reputation precedes her. Everyone knows she is merely here to ignore the fact that her marriage is falling apart, and she is the sole reason for that,” Lady Perrin smirked.

“With all due respect, Lady Perrin, perhaps you shouldn’t provide any statements on matters that do not concern you which you obviously have no factual information on. Whatever the Duke and Duchess feel is between them, and seeing as you are neither their spouse nor their child, it would be wise to refrain from saying things that might come back to bite you in the rear,” Anne politely said with an overly kind smile.

Lady Perrin’s lips twitched as she very clearly resisted the urge to frown.

“She has made it the ton’s business for lacking the decorum we expected from someone in her position,” she said, glaring at Anne before shifting her gaze back to Juliet. “It is important for one to be honest with themselves, Duchess . You know that you were an… unconventional choice for the title you hold. Which is why it did not take much for your husband to slip into old habits. He might’ve charmed you into believing that ‘ important work ’ has kept him away, but he is probably buried within the skirts of some woman because that way of life is easier for him than to accept that his wife is very likely going to one day lose her mind and then eventually, herself. Just like your mother .”

Despite the wave of hurt that assaulted her from the woman’s words, Juliet still tried to believe in her husband.

It was hard to forget their tumultuous beginning, but she did not want to hold it over them either. Both of them had such troubled pasts with pain evident in their words and actions, but neither of them had set out to deliberately harm the other.

Juliet wished to trust in the Hector that had held her as she told him about her mother, the Hector who had wanted to enact revenge on her behalf, and the Hector that had stood between her and her father and protected her from even more pain at his hands.

She had seen tenderness in his eyes and felt how much he cared for her when he held her close. She understood how much he also wished for peace between them in the thoughtful ways he spoke to her. It filled her with a sense of belonging and stability and provided her mind and soul with a degree of safety she never imagined she would ever be granted.

And she loved him all the more for it.

A gasp left her lips as her words rolled around in her mind.

“Your Grace?” Anne whispered softly in concern.

Juliet blinked down at her friend, coming to a conclusion quickly.

“We need to leave,” she said, putting the treats in her hands down.

“Yes, that is a fine idea?—”

“Oh, be quiet, Lady Perrin. Everyone knows that your husband is on the verge of bankruptcy due to his gambling habits, and you were caught by your cook in the arms of your gardener. Do not pretend to be a saint when there is visible proof of your own misdeeds,” Anne hissed at the vile woman, turning to the hostess with a pleasant smile. “Thank you for having us, Lady Crawford.”

Then she quickly tugged Juliet away.

The Duchess was proud of her friend and thankful for her company.

“I am sorry,” she apologized once they were in the carriage. “I just…I felt unwell all of a sudden. I want to go home and rest.”

“Do not apologize, Your Grace. I would have pulled you away from that hateful wench if you hadn’t wanted to leave first. Please do not mind anything she said,” Anne reassured kindly.

Juliet had the carriage stop by Anne’s home first, telling her friend that they would certainly see each other later on and thanking her once more for her company that evening. Then the journey to Islington Hall began, and Juliet allowed her mind to explore her sudden discovery.

“Love?” Juliet whispered to herself, terrified by the very idea.

She craved his attention, his affection and his love. Her mother used to sing her songs about the wonders of love, used to brush her hair and whisper tales of how much she loved her father, how their love had brought Juliet to them, and how their love had only grown bigger because they now also shared it with their daughter.

Juliet used to want that and the magic and wonder that came along with it. After her father had left her at St. Catherine’s, she had been forced to see herself as undeserving of such a fantastical thing.

Now, she had a husband whom she loved.

He was all she could think about after she arrived at their home, and she began to get ready for bed. Still, he remained on her mind as she crawled beneath her cold sheets, missing his warmth more than ever.

“Oh, Hector,” she whispered into the darkness, her hands clasped together in prayer. “Please come home to me soon.”

The very next morning, it seemed as though her nighttime prayer had been heard. Leila came to rouse her from sleep with urgency in her voice.

“Your Grace,” the maid said quickly, standing over Juliet with one hand poised over her arm as though she was preparing to shake her. “I greatly apologize, but you must wake up right away.”

Juliet murmured, burrowing deeper into her blankets. She vaguely knew that it must be late in the morning if not already noon. She had recently developed a knack for staying up at night, frantic with worry about her husband, only to eventually fall asleep just as the sun began to break over the horizon.

“Your Grace, please!” Leila quietly hissed, finally letting her hand drop onto Juliet’s arm to shake her gently.

Juliet’s eyes cracked open slightly. She was quite displeased to have her fitfully earned rest snatched away from her.

“What is it, Leila? Why have you …”

“The Duke, Your Grace,” the maid said breathlessly. “He has returned.”

Hector rifled through the drawers of his desk, looking for the documents he had been sure would be there as he fought the urge to seek what he truly wanted.

Who he truly wanted.

He had not intended to stay very long, no more than one day, but with every passing second he spent within the walls of his home, the more he craved to crawl into Juliet’s arms and remain there for as long as he could.

Hector had been partially successful in keeping himself distracted by overshadowing his thoughts of Juliet with his tasks and duties. However, his nights alone left him tormented with the discomfort of not knowing how she was feeling and faring.

He knew that returning home after weeks away would be challenging because he would not arrive with good news. He had barely managed to buy himself and his businesses some time in order to prove himself and had not been completely successful in erasing his associates’ doubts.

With things still as dire as they had been when he initially left on his business trip, he felt that he could not face Juliet with his full plate of failures and needed to get away from her as quickly as possible.

He should have known that she would never stand for that.

“Hector,” she stormed into his study, breathless.

Slowly, Hector raised his head, his heart sinking at the sight of her.

She looked ever so lovely, even though she was still in her nightgown with only a dressing gown providing her with a semblance of modesty.

Her beautiful hair glowed in his sunlit office, and her flushed cheeks made him ache to pull her into his arms and kiss her.

Instead, he curled his fists and nodded in an awkward, jerky motion.

“Juliet. Good morning,” he said quietly.

“You have returned,” she gasped, staring at him in awe.

“Only for a little while,” Hector admitted, straightening himself up.

“A little…you wish to leave again soon?” Juliet questioned.

“Yes. I still have much to deal with.”

He wanted to say he was sorry, but he felt his apology would sound hollow and held his tongue.

Apologizing would do no good if I was unable to guarantee that things would be better in the future.

“Will it again be for so long? You were gone for weeks, Hector. I barely heard from you during that time. I did not know if you were well or if you were even still alive, and I did not like not knowing. It did not feel fair to me, sitting here helplessly, unsure of what you were doing and why you were not writing to me as you’d promised you would.”

Hector forced the air out from his lungs in a slow exhale, doing his best to curb his impression that her tone was accusatory in nature.

“I told you I had much work that needed to be done. I barely had time …”

“To busy to even write to me? Hector, I felt so alone. I had to attend events and functions on my own, and people said so many horrid things to me about our marriage, about our future. I really needed you by my side, but you couldn’t even be bothered to write to me. You just…left me here to deal with it all by myself.”

Hector tried not to snap, resisting the rush of irritation flooding his veins because he knew it would not help either of them. Still, he couldn’t ignore the bitterness rising in his throat as he thought of all the days and nights he had spent attempting to overcome his monstrous financial hurdle.

“I am trying, Juliet. My work is essential, and I am doing everything that I can to provide for our future. I do not understand why you have a problem with my methods.”

“You claim it is for our future, yet I am excluded from knowing what it is you are doing. You tell me nothing, you travel, you barely write to me. Yet you claim your actions are for our collective benefit. Please pardon me if I doubt that is the case, Hector.”

“Why do you doubt it?” Hector snapped as his heart sank.

“I believe that you are doing everything in your power to keep a wall between us. At the start of our marriage, I did not understand what you were doing. Now, you are still doing whatever you wish and are pretending it is for my benefit!”

Hector felt as though the floor had fallen out from under him.

He had been doing his best to protect them both from the consequences of his business deals falling through, and yet, she still believed he did not want her when the reality was that he wanted her more than anything but felt he was undeserving of her as he always had.

“You know that is untrue. I really was far too occupied to reach out.”

“Far too occupied? Hector, please . It is quite clear that you have chosen to focus on work in order to once again keep me at arm’s length.”

The bitterness within him rose even higher and mingled with the jealousy he had tried to repress.

“Keep you at arm’s length? You have taken to meeting another man in our home! I know of Lord Somerton’s visits and how he fawned over you, expressing his concern over your situation. If our marriage truly meant everything to you, you would not be sitting for hours on end in his company reveling in his attention!”

Juliet looked offended, throwing her hands up in an exasperated manner.

“Lord Somerton and his sister came by multiple times, offering their company and friendship in your absence. They are the only acquaintances I have, the only ones who are not bound to me by service, who were kind enough to visit and enquire about my well-being. You did not even pretend to care when you sent word to the housekeeper asking about the state of the household. You did not bother to inquire if I was all right, despite the fact that I kept insisting that we were fine to strangers I didn’t care about. Even though you left me, I believed that you would return, and we could still…”

Her words tapered off into a tired sigh, and her shoulders dropped, causing something unsettling to unfurl within Hector.

He could see Juliet pause to think. He had watched her enough times to recognize what she looked like when she was about to decide and steeled himself as his lips parted.

“I am tired,” Juliet admitted softly, eyes downcast. “I have been tired since the very first day I arrived in London. I have been pulled every which way, and I am quite exhausted by it all. I have lost too much of myself and accepted all sorts of uncomfortable situations, and now, I no longer recognize who I am. I wish to return to St. Catherine’s, Hector. Unlike here, I am needed there. I want to help the girls as much as possible and gain some clarity about what my future should hold while I’m there. With luck, my absence shall also be a benefit your work.”

Something broke within Hector and consumed his heart with pain.

She intends to leave me?

His instincts screamed at him to forbid it, to refuse her the way he had done in the past. He wanted to give in to the voice in his head that told him to confine her to a room if she tried to leave.

But he was tired too. All his running around, scrambling to keep a goddess he knew he was unworthy of, had drained him immensely.

And so, Hector sighed, and his shoulders dropped in defeat as he conceded.

“All right. If…if that is what you wish. Perhaps some time apart might do us some good.”

Juliet raised her head, held it high for a moment, and then nodded curtly. She turned and left the study without saying another word.

Protests welled up and clawed at Hector’s insides, demanding that he stop this foolishness, begging him to stand against such an idea.

But his body remained planted in place, intent on carrying on with his stubbornness.

Juliet managed to contain herself until she reached her room. As the door closed behind her she burst into tears, sinking to the floor with a shattered heart. She’d had so many hopes and dreams for them. She had believed that he would come to feel for her as strongly as she had grown to feel for him.

However, when she had decided in a moment of weakness to expose a part of her heart, he had dismissed her feelings. He had paid no attention to the loneliness she had endured and had refused to see that she had been absolutely terrified of being left alone once again.

There was and will always be someone or something more important than me. I am doomed to be no one’s priority.

Her father had chosen himself over her and now her husband had picked his work over her.

With a sigh, Juliet stood, wiped away her tears and reached for the servant’s bell.

Leila walked into Juliet’s chamber, immediately worried as she took in the distress on Juliet’s face.

“Your Grace? Are you all right …”

Juliet cut her off with a quick shake of her head. It took her a moment to find enough stability in her voice, but when she did, she spoke quietly, feeling more certain of her decision with every word.

“I need you to help me pack. I must leave Islington Hall for a little while.”