Chapter 12

Like the firstnight he slept there, Eridanys hadn't moved when Alba returned the following morning. That time, though, Alba didn't know if he was truly just resting, or something else. He didn't know much about medicine, only what he'd gleaned over the years from watching other people, just briefly touching the merrow's forehead to check for a fever. Only somewhat sure that the clammy chill against his palm was normal.

He nearly pinched one of Eridanys' eyes open to check for the glowing light in his pupils again, but stopped at the last second. Not sure he wanted to know. Not sure if he'd only imagined it the night before. Not sure of anything, except how he hated feeling so useless.

How many people had he visited with his mother around Welkin growing up, struck with a fever or some other ailment that she eased so easily with herbs or just friendly company? You can't rush someone into getting better, she used to say. Just like she would've said to him in that moment, as he stood over his silent companion like a looming reaper. The thought made him hurry back down the stairs as fast as his cane could take him.

A storm brewing on the horizon left the sky dark enough that Alba needed a candle to light his way around the kitchen. He double checked the latches on windows, doors, even the hatch in the storage room that had been admittedly silent since Eridanys made his promise to keep the hauntings away. He had never been so unsettled by the stillness, the silence as much as that stormy morning. Even with the wind howling outside, making the flutes sing wildly, Alba couldn't help but feel restless in the quiet.

He went about his chores despite the weather, nailing the shutters closed on the windows just in case, climbing the stairs to the top of the lighthouse to fasten the vents shut so rainwater wouldn't spill over the lantern, checking the cistern and scowling when he found a dead gull floating inside. Fishing it out, he stared at the waterlogged creature for a long time, at its legs that were a little too long, at the bulge in the side of its neck that puckered with what looked like a cluster of young barnacles beneath the feathers. He carried it to the edge of the rocks to throw into the sea rather than leaving it to rot in the grass, then dumped all the remaining chalk he had left into the cistern to clean the water meant for bathing and drinking and cooking.

He didn't want to think about it, didn't want to dwell on how a gull found its way through the metal grate into the basin in the first place. Didn't want to think about how something similar had been mentioned in the lighthouse log books by a previous wickie. Perhaps Eridanys could only keep the haunts out of the house.

Alba checked on the silent merrow often between chores, sometimes calling his name from the bottom of the stairs and listening for a reply, sometimes climbing up to the loft to see for himself. Eridanys' eyes never opened, he never moved from how Alba first set him down on the pillow. Alba had to constantly remind himself that a chest rising and falling with breath meant even a catatonic person was still alive; and if Eridanys really was just sleeping, if he really was resting, that would be best for whatever had happened. Surely.

Just like all the times Edythe had put Alba to bed promising he would feel better by morning. No matter what kind of pain he was in. Did she also pace back and forth on the other side of the door, stepping in and out, listening to his breathing, whispering his name, again and again and again until the sun went down? Alba hurried back down the stairs when he realized he was no different, acting so foolishly for someone he had no reason to worry about so much.

Unable to sleep himself,Alba searched high and low for things to keep him busy until the sun went down. Until he could trudge off to tend the lantern and have no excuse for checking on the merrow asleep in his bed.

He was in the process of sorting through the thin offering of books on the shelf in the sitting room, checking for mold and tossing away any speckled with black spots, when he swore he heard a sharp breath come from the loft. It made him stop, straining his ears to listen, before getting to his feet and grabbing his cane to hobble to the stairs. He didn't have to call out that time, heart thumping when he spotted the top of Eridanys' silver head where the man sat up in bed.

Hurrying up the stairs, Alba barely managed a relieved "It's about time!" when the merrow lunged at him, shoving him down so fast it knocked the cane from his hand and sent it tumbling down the steps.

"Hey—!" He attempted, grunting as Eridanys slammed him back against the floor, fists gripping the front of Alba's shirt with impossibly tight hands, white hair tumbling over the man's shoulders and forming a foggy curtain around them. Alba's ears rang, still trying to gather his bearings, all while Eridanys' demands repeated clearer in his mind?—

"What did you do to me!" He snarled, lifting and shoving Alba back against the floor once more. Alba clawed at his arms, fighting to find his mouth in all the confusion. "Tell me what you did to me before I rip your throat out!"

"Nothing!" Alba finally shouted back, managing to get a grip on Eridanys' arm with one hand, the other grabbing the front of the man's shirt to keep him pinned away. "I didn't—do shit to you, damnit! Get off me—before you break my leg again!"

He braced to be slammed back again, only cautiously opening his eyes when it didn't come. Eridanys still had him caged against the floor, unmoving, and while Alba expected anger on his face, fury that matched his voice—instead, the man's expression was tight with apprehension, with skepticism, eyes flickering over every inch of Alba in search of a lie. Wild confusion, like an animal waking in a trap and not knowing how to set itself free. But as the shock wore off, Alba saw past all of that, lurching upward suddenly and grabbing Eridanys' face as a surprise to both of them. Eridanys roughly shoved Alba back down with a hand on his chest, forcing the words from Alba's mouth:

"Your eyes are back to normal!" He exclaimed. Eridanys frowned in new confusion, furrowing his brows and shaking Alba by the front of his shirt as if he was talking nonsense. But Alba just threw his hand out again, grabbing a fistful of Eridanys' hair and forcing him to stay still so he could get a better look. That time, the merrow didn't snarl back in protest, just glared at Alba in annoyance.

"Thank god," Alba groaned, keeping his grip on Eridanys' hair but slumping back to the floor with a sharp laugh of relief. "I had no idea what I was gonna do if you were gonna be like that forever. Damn you!" He tugged on Eridanys' hair again, glaring at him, summoning a muted growl from the merrow in response. "What the hell were you thinking, starin' into the light like that! I've heard of men boilin' alive while even farther back! What in god's name were you thinkin'!"

Eridanys grabbed Alba's wrist before it could yank his hair again, but his eyes remained forward, boring into Alba as deep as the light had glowed in the depths of his own. Searching him, as if still convinced Alba was hiding something. Like he was trying to decide whether or not to answer—though the longer it took, the more Alba suspected even Eridanys didn't know what had happened to him.

Something about the rotating light was mesmerizing, Alba knew that much and would admit. The first time he tended to a lighthouse at sixteen, even he'd been prone to staring into its glow, especially after long stints without any sleep to keep his mind sharp. Perhaps Eridanys simply never had the wherewithal to know the dangers of letting it burrow into his vision and lay hooks in his bones.

"I dreamed the entire time." Eridanys surprised Alba instead, voice flat, low, like he didn't realize he spoke. Alba raised his eyebrows in question, finally pulling his wrist from Eridanys' grasp. Eridanys continued looking straight at him, a thousand miles away. "It took me back there, to that place where I… I thought all of this had been a dream, my finally coming back here… Boiled Neptune, what a relief, even to wake up to your ugly face…"

Alba scowled, finally sitting up and pushing Eridanys away. He almost said something equally insulting, but the words caught when he saw how Eridanys' hands over his knees trembled. Despite it, the man's expression hardened back to the same icy blades Alba had come to know, and Alba could only roll his eyes and turn away. He used the nearby bed to pull himself up, sitting on the edge of it.

"Can you still see?" he asked next, waving a hand in front of Eridanys' face. "If not, that's fine, I can help?—"

"I'm fine," Eridanys growled, turning away and getting back to his feet. He brushed himself off, running fingers through his tousled hair before rubbing palms into his eyes. "I said I'm fine! Stop looking at me like that. I don't know what sort of dark magic that was, but I never needed your help, and I certainly don't need it now."

"You most certainly did need my help, and I gave it to you freely," Alba snapped back before considering if it was worth it. Eridanys sneered, tearing his fingers through a tangle in his hair with clearly growing agitation.

"And what do you want in return, then? Since humans always demand repayment."

Alba frowned, then scoffed, then shook his head. He got to his feet.

"A ‘thank you' would've been nice, but I see even that might be too much for a miserable creature like you. But you know what? The disdain you hold for the thought of me helpin' you is sweet. The next time you do somethin' stupid and need me to hold your hand and walk you out, I'll even do it again. Bastard."

He attempted to limp by, but Eridanys' hand lashed out, grabbing Alba's arm hard enough that Alba hissed.

"I do not take kindly to being baited," he growled. "Tell me what you want in exchange. I will not owe a debt to the likes of you."

Alba stared at him in disbelief, before yanking himself free and hobbling to the stairs.

"Pull your head out of your ass. That's enough for me."

"My head is nowhere near my ass!" Eridanys shouted back, but Alba was already making his way down the stairs, searching for where his cane had landed at the bottom.

Eridanys followed close behind, enough that he stepped on the back of Alba's heel, making Alba trip. He would have crashed to the floor below had a pale arm not lashed out at the last moment, hooking around Alba's waist and yanking him back upright again.

Breathless, Alba's heart pounded, muscles flooding with adrenaline as even that brief sensation of falling made memories rush past his eyes. Wavering at the top of a cold mast, beat by the wind and then a strong wave. Losing his grip, nothing to grapple for as gravity hooked into his ankles and tugged.

He clawed at Eridanys' arm, clinging to reality, before jerking away and hurrying to the bottom of the stairs where there was no more risk of falling at all. Eridanys watched him without another word, though Alba barely noticed. Avoiding eye-contact as he reached for his cane, hating how his hand shook, voice following suit despite his best attempts to keep the growing discomfort at bay.

"If—if you're feelin' as fine as you say, I have some other things you can do f-for me before I have to tend to the light. Or you can fuck off and leave me alone, if you like that better. I don't need your help either, y'know?—"

"Then why ask?—"

"Because I can't stand someone like you!" Alba shouted, finally spinning back to look at him. "Because you insist on stayin' in this house with me! And sleepin' in my bed! And gettin' in the way! If you can't even sacrifice a ‘thank you' for how I kept an eye on you, then you can fuck off from the rest of what I've let you have! Either earn your keep or get out!"

Eridanys glared at him, muscle twitching in his jaw, tendons flexing in his neck.

"I could have let you fall," he said. "Just now. You would have broken your neck had I not caught you."

"Yeah," Alba answered. He said nothing else, leaving out the door for the fresh air. Tainting it with the acrid taste of cigarettes, three in a row as he leaned against the wall, letting those words echo in his head as he beat back whatever it was that made his whole body shake.

Considering all the things he could have snapped back in return, all the ways he could have killed Eridanys himself the night before, choosing instead to baby him—Alba learned his lesson to never do such a thing for anyone ever again.