Chapter Seventeen

Freddy

L izzie's words had frozen the air in his lungs.

She was cursed.

More than that, she had cursed herself .

Because of him.

"I was going to marry Prince Frederick."

Lizzie seemed to have said all that she needed to in order to settle down and sleep, which was good, because Freddy didn't think he could have formed a coherent word if he tried. Lizzie's revelation was a knife in his chest, a punch to his gut that left him gasping for breath as he stared up at the ceiling.

He was the reason she was cursed.

He tried to find the bright spot, tried to look for another possible answer. Maybe Lizzie didn't realize exactly what she was doing. Maybe it was a curse gone wrong. Maybe she had acted out of fear. Maybe the curse could be broken. Maybe…

No. Lizzie had said that she wanted the curse. She knew what it did, and she didn't want it to be broken…which meant she probably knew how and opted to keep it instead.

And she had acted out of fear, if the thought of marrying him was what had prompted her to curse herself.

Despite all their years of friendship, she would rather be cursed than with him.

Freddy wasn't blind. He had known for years now that she didn't love him. But like a naive puppy, he had assumed that he would be able to win her over eventually if he just kept loving her.

It was different knowing that Lizzie didn't want to love him, that she had gone to such extreme lengths to avoid the possibility of loving him.

She didn't want to love him. She didn't want to marry him.

Freddy couldn't find the bright spot in that.

Freddy's smiles were strained the next day, though he tried to put up a bright front for Lizzie.

She doesn't know that her words destroyed me; she thinks it was Kai the wandering minstrel she was talking to, not Freddy, the prince she rejected twice. I know I need to tell her, but what's the point? She'll just reject me a third time.

He had enough coins saved up to hire horses for the rest of the journey. They traveled in silence most days, as neither of them were inclined to start up conversations about anything other than necessary details. He caught her watching him sometimes with a slight frown on her face, and he tried to meet her with a smile, but it never lasted long.

The nights grew warm as they neared Kysta, which he was grateful for as he slept under the stars. Even if Lizzie had offered the tent again, Freddy wasn't sure he could share it. It hurt too much to be so close to her, to know that all of the love he felt for her would never be returned.

"Kai?"

Lizzie's quiet voice interrupted his gloomy thoughts as he stared into their campfire. She sat across from him, tossing an uneaten apple from hand to hand.

She always used to fidget with her hands when she's nervous.

The thought caught his attention, and he straightened. "What's wrong?"

"I was going to ask you the same thing." A small frown line appeared between her eyes. "You seem…different."

Guilt twisted in his stomach. He had never intended for her to get caught in the crossfire of his emotions.

This is why I smile all the time, Shea. So that the people around me aren't weighed down and affected by my problems.

Even if Lizzie is the problem in this case.

"I'm sorry." He tried to smile at her.

She tilted her head. "Why are you doing that?"

"Doing what?"

"Trying to smile when you don't feel happy."

"So that you can feel happy."

"Why does that matter?"

Freddy scratched at his head through his hat. Despite the warmer weather, he kept the knit cap on his head to hide the blonde roots that were growing in. His beard was dark enough naturally that the new growth wasn't as noticeable, but his hair would have been a dead giveaway. "Because I don't want my emotions to make you feel bad."

Lizzie was quiet for a moment. Now that he knew about her curse, her cold, analytical way of speaking and thinking about the world made so much more sense. He found it interesting how much of her personality remained, even without her emotions. Her curiosity, for one, and her desire to problem-solve. Even now, she seemed to be turning his words over in her mind, looking at them from every angle.

And this is why I will never stop loving her. Because even without that part of herself, she's still just so…Lizzie.

"I'm cursed."

He closed his eyes and sighed. "I know, Eliza."

"So you know that I'm not bothered by emotions."

There was a slight hitch in her voice as she spoke, a tell that he recognized from childhood that meant she was concealing part of the truth. Combined with her fidgeting from earlier, a rogue spark of hope flared to life in his chest.

Maybe the curse isn't as all-encompassing as she made it seem.

He cleared his throat. "That's what you say."

She tossed the apple back and forth a few times. "If that is the case, then why are you trying to shield me from your negative feelings?"

Freddy paused. "I don't know. I suppose because I just do it for everyone."

"Why?"

"I want people to be happy, and I don't want my negative emotions to be the reason they aren't."

"That's not a very fair exchange." Lizzie raised her eyebrows.

His face wrinkled in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"If you give only smiles, you only share a part of yourself with your friends. They, on the other hand, share both their smiles and their pain. They receive a part in exchange for a whole."

"But I don't want them to be sad."

"You must have very weak friends, if a little bit of your sadness can ruin their whole day. Do you think your friends are weak?"

A thoughtful frown tugged at his mouth. "No, I don't."

"I'm not weak, either." She nodded at him, then stared into the fire as she bit into the apple.

"No, you're not," he whispered to himself.

Lizzie has always been strong. She was strong enough to survive Alfred, strong enough to make it all the way to Norditch on her own, and strong enough to take marriage to a stranger completely in stride.

And I think she's stronger than this curse.

The Kystan shore was a sight for sore eyes. Though Freddy had found beauty in the icy fields of Norditch and the green, blooming forests of Anura and Nedra, the bright blue sky dotted with fluffy clouds and the wide expanse of cerulean water called to his soul. He longed to walk on the soft sand of the beaches and wade into the cool waves, but first there was the matter of finding his housing.

Lizzie had withdrawn a little more the closer they came to Kysta, and though Freddy longed to throw his hot, scratchy hat to the wind and tell her everything, he waited. The last week of travel had provided him ample time for soul-searching, and he had come to some very clear revelations.

He also had a plan.

The sun beat down on his shoulder through his shirt. He was still dressed for the north, and beads of sweat started dripping down his back as they walked through the familiar streets of Mereton, the capital city. He smiled as he walked, trying to appear as casual as possible, though he knew from the many double-takes and long stares that it would be long before word of their arrival traveled through the city. He might still be unrecognizable in his disguise, but Lizzie was not.

For better or worse, every resident of Kysta knew Lizzie's face almost as well as they knew their own queen. Seeing her in Mereton was not unusual; what was unusual was seeing her in dirty, ragged clothes in the company of a bearded beggar.

If she noticed the attention, she seemed unbothered by it. She walked with a graceful poise, despite the sad state of her clothes, and her expression betrayed nothing.

"Where are we going?"

Freddy shielded his eyes with his hands as he peered through the buildings in an attempt to get a glimpse of the palace. He had written ahead at one of their last stops, explaining his situation to Hadrian and giving him instructions to secure temporary housing with Mrs. Pearce. Their ship captain, being aware of his identity, had delivered her response when they arrived at the dock. The housekeeper had offered her own small cottage, which was separated from the palace by a small, rocky inlet. It was just far enough away to afford Lizzie privacy, should she wish, but close enough that he could easily travel back and forth for business.

"Home first, because I think we both deserve a long bath, and then I'm off to perform. Do you want me to arrange for a meeting with Mrs. Pearce tonight, or would you rather wait for tomorrow?"

She was quiet for a moment, and he could see the briefest flash of sadness in her eyes. "I can wait for tomorrow."