Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

T here's a man screaming for help in the corridor outside my room. Sitting up in my big girl bed, I clutch my doll as my eyes dart to my bedroom door. I shouldn't go out there. I should stay in my bed, like a good princess. The bells above the castle begin to ring, and I know them well. There is an intruder in the castle. The man screams in pain again and my body shivers. I've never heard someone scream like that before. Although his shouts are too far away for me to understand what he is saying, my feet itch to move.

Stay in bed, Mae. Mother and Father wouldn't like it if I got out of my bed at night.

For once my thoughts do not stop me from crawling out of my bed. I wince as my feet touch the cold stone ground and grab the lantern from my nightstand. Its glow lights my way as I walk over to the door and pull it open. I expect to see the back of my guard, but there is no one outside. Flames flicker from the oil lamps hanging on the walls stretching at either side before me. They grow brighter towards the end of the corridor where a man screams on the floor. My guard stands over him with his enormous sword slammed right through his stomach. I shudder and feel a little sick at the sight of so much blood. There is so much of it that it pools around the man like a puddle, glistening under the firelight like the sun against black water. I instinctively step back, my heart racing so fast I can hear it in my ears. It doesn't block out the man's cries though, or his pleas for mercy. My guard growls at him.

"Th-the princess...I only wanted to ta-k-ke her, so they would listen to me! I wouldn't — have — hurt her!"

"You are a traitor to your kingdom," my guard snarls at him, and then he slams his heavy boot against the man's head. The man screams even louder. He is so thin that I can see all his bones poking through his rags. Who is this man? Why did he want to take me? As a princess I've always known there are people out there who want to hurt me, so it doesn't make sense why this man wouldn't. A cough escapes his mouth, blood spraying across the stone as he chokes out a reply.

"Her parents are evil — monsters — but they might… have listened… if I got their princess." He starts to cry as more blood pools out from him. "They took my whole family! They threw them into the mines like they were animals for my brother-in-law's crime. They even took my baby girl. She was only two weeks old!" He coughs again, louder and wetter than the one before as his breathing begins to slow. "I thought if I… took the princess… they would let me trade… and maybe let me… see her… my little Marissa…"

He goes still as death greets him and I'm frozen to the spot. He's dead. He's dead. I repeat the words over in my head, completely shocked and unable to move. My guard kicks the man's body to the side and pulls out the sword impaling him. Everything rushes back to me then as the bells suddenly go silent. I shut my room door and run back to my bed, burying my face into my pillow. My cries are smothered but no less painful as the name Marissa etches itself into my mind like a scar carving through my flesh.

The man had just wanted to see his baby.

His little Marissa.

My chest heaves when I wake, breathless and sweaty, and stare up at the unfamiliar ceilings. The quilts around me are too heavy, smelling like strange flowers, and they are suffocating me as I push them off and crawl back to the headboard, hugging my legs close to my chest. What was that dream? Was it real? I don't remember, if it was. Mines? What was the man even talking about? I'm sure he was just another assassin sent to kill me as a child. He wasn't the first, and had I still lived in that castle, he wouldn't have been the last.

I focus on my breathing and try to slow it down as I stare around the room. I feel as trapped in this room as I did in that nightmare. I'm not sure what has kept me going until now. With free reign of this palace, it would have been easy to join my parents and at long last be at peace with them. I could have drowned myself in that lake had I wanted to. I had enough time before Noble came and the whole thing with the frost dragon happened. There are plenty of stairways I could have thrown myself down, and I've lost count of the number of windows that don't have bars on them that I could have jumped from. I simply… haven't, but now I really wish I had. From tomorrow my life as I know it will be over. I might never get the chance to see Loch again. I'll be married to the very king who has haunted my nightmares since I was a child.

My hands clutch the sheets and I close my eyes. The ritual and marriage will begin tomorrow morning, if it isn't morning already. I should appreciate this bed because I doubt, I'll even be in this bed at all tomorrow night. I'll be in his bed, where he'll force me to do whatever he wants to get an heir. It's not like he wants to do this either. The king hates me as much as I hate him, and lust will always pale in the shadow of hatred.

I lurch out of the bed and run to the door, grabbing the cold metal handle. It clicks open and my legs are running before my mind has caught up. Freedom . I need to be free again and this might be my last chance. My breaths come in pants as I sprint down endless corridors, through the archways and doors. I'm surprised to see no guards, no one watching me pass them. It's like I'm merely a shadow, a ghost of the girl held captive upstairs.

The darkness is my friend as I run through the maze of corridors until I come to a dead end and a single, massive stained red glass door. My heart is beating so fast as I walk to the door and touch the handle, letting it swing open. My bare feet make prints on the shiny floor as I step inside and let the door shut right behind me. A ballroom. At least, it was probably one, a grand ballroom at that, before time and neglect got its hands upon it. Now the shiny tiles are cracked, and the beautiful tapestries that line each wall telling a story, are dusty and withered, and parts of the cloth ripped and torn in places. Moonlight shines in from the domed ceiling, but a lot of the glass is fractured, threatening to fall down on me. Do it, end this for me. Of course, they don't, and only the wind whistles through him in answer to my thoughts. Even the wind sounds as lonely as I feel on the inside.

There's a giant chandelier hanging from the tallest part of the room, which must hold a thousand red diamonds, sparkling bright in silver moonlight, making this room surprisingly bright. The beauty of it distracts me. It distracts me from the nightmare that can't be real; distracts me from memories threatening to swallow me whole and from everything that I need distracting from before the sun rises tomorrow.

Breathless, I push away from the door and walk over into the centre of the room. I spin around in circles, my head tilted to the ceiling, and let the moonlight bathe me. When I pull my gaze back down again, my eyes fall upon mirrors tucked between each of the old tapestries. I stop spinning and look at my reflection trying desperately hard to claw through the thick layers of dust.

I can only blink as one of the mirrors moves to the side. I assume maybe it's an animal hiding in the shadows of the ballroom, but then Erax steps out, and my whole-body freezes. He lets the mirror door swing back and close firmly in place behind him. It must have been some kind of secret passageway.

"Why are you not in your room, Mist?"

That nickname again. I clench my hands into fists and watch him lean against the mirror. For once he is in casual clothes, which I have never seen him wear. Silky black shirt under a darker thick cloak, and soft dark grey trousers that hang low on his hips. Definitely not something I pictured him wearing. His dark hair is also unusually messy as if he just climbed out of his bed to chase me. I wouldn't put it past him. He'd probably enjoy the chase.

"Another secret part of this castle?" I ask, clearing my throat.

"There are tunnels everywhere. My grandfather was very keen that we could escape in the event of an attack." Like my parents didn't manage to do, he doesn't say, but the unspoken words are loud between us. His eyes widen slightly as they slowly roll down my body, making me hyper aware of any inch of my skin showing. My gold gown covers me from the neck down, but it stops at my upper thighs. "You should be in your room resting."

He looks away from me and the heat I feel with his look goes with him.

"Why are you here? Is following princesses through castles a night job for you?" He chuckles low, blinking at me in surprise. I stop him before he can lie. "Let me guess, you have guards following me, told not to be seen—they were, by the way, every time. Not very good at hiding with all that armour on. You forget I grew up with guards following me. And nuns." I cross my arms. "The guards told you I tried to escape?"

His eyes reveal nothing. "Perhaps."

Huffing under my breath, I walk over to one of the tapestries for a much-needed distraction. It's a farmer's village, nothing more than fields and cows, the odd chicken. There's a blue light in the sky shining down on them and it could be moonlight, but it's almost too blue, with not a drop of silver. I can't see what is above the light. That part is damaged. Deliberately, by the looks of it. I feel Erax's eyes on me as I walk to the next one, briefly passing the mirror, catching his green eyes in it. Even the flash of his eyes makes my heart race, but I put it down to anger and go to the next tapestry. This one shows a castle built over farmlands and there are very clearly dragons flying in the sky above them. A black fire grows in the distance.

"Who made these? What history is this?"

I don't recall seeing any of it.

Erax's voice is gruff when he replies. "I am not aware. No one alive is for that matter. Some parts of the castle were here before we built on it. My grandfather picked this area and only he would know that answer." He glances around. "This is one of the older rooms. It needs renovating, but there hasn't been time." The next tapestries are even more confusing than the last. The farms are gone, and there are countless castles, guarded tall towers, and so many dragons that they fill the sky like a storm. They are all different colours, some that I've not seen before in the books I've read or the dragons I've seen fly the skies with their riders. The small black fire that had lurked in the distance now spreads over some of the grasslands.

"Why are you trying to run away from me?" The king's voice creeps over me like an unbidden caress. "Did you think I would let you go?"

"I wasn't running away," I snap at him. "I'm well aware the only way to escape you is death."

I don't tell him all of the truth—the nightmare, the feeling of being trapped that sent me running from my room. He would just laugh. I walk past the mirror to the next tapestry, my traitorous eyes looking for him. My skin pebbles when I notice he's only a few steps away from me, almost like he's hunting me. I never even heard him move. I gulp as I look at the fourth tapestry. The dragons are burning the castle to ash. There's fire everywhere, this time flickering up in shades of red, orange, blue and green until it looks like a rainbow. The black flames are still there but they're not as strong in this one. The middle and top of the tapestry are torn. I can only see bits of this story. When I walk to the next part all the way past the mirror, curious about what happens next, I almost jump when I realise, he's right behind me. He's much closer now.

"Why were you running from me, Mist?"

I freeze, like a deer caught by a dragon swooping down over the forest. His deep, seductive voice all but breathes down my neck, sending shivers up my spine. "Wouldn't you like to know? Then you could use my weakness against me."

Turning around, I face him. I need to face him, to remember who he is and what he did. I lift my head as I do, making sure to look straight into his green eyes that are flickering to gold around the edges. He steps into my space and pushes me against the mirror with his huge body, and I gasp.

"You are going to be my wife. Mine."

"I'm well aware," I breathe out. "Now let me go."

I'm barely able to get the words past my lips as I shove my hands into his chest. Erax grabs and holds them prisoner above my head, forcing my body to arch against his. We fit so perfectly together, and I hate it. I hate the way he looks at me. I hate the way my body responds to that look. I especially hate the way my pulse quickens when we're close like this. I just hate Erax so much. His name is another I will never forget. I have burned it too deeply into my memory.

"I wasn't finished, Mist. You are going to my bride and anything that scares you is my weakness too."

I want to laugh at him. You scare me. Spending the rest of my life with the man who killed my parents and then stole my kingdom from me scares me.

"We will be married in title and nothing else," I say. "I don't love you. I will never love you." I peel my lips back in disgust, sneering at him. "You're a monster."

He laughs once, leaning into me, our lips only a breath away. "Have you ever been touched by a monster, Mist?"

My fast breathing causes my chest to brush against his and my nipples peak with the movement. It's anger, not arousal, I tell myself over and over like I can make it come true. I'm just so angry with him. Beyond angry. I want to hurt him like he hurt me.

He leans farther down, and when our eyes finally meet, his irises have bled away into pure gold. With him so close I can't pull away. I can't even breathe without his scent filling my lungs. I hate how nice he smells too. Fire and roses is fast becoming a scent I search for in every room. I add his scent to my list of all the things I hate about Erax.

"If anyone has touched you, they are already dead. Tell me."

"No," I angrily growl at him.

He only leans more into me, our bodies completely flush. I can feel his hard cock pressing into my stomach, and heat builds between my thighs. I clench them to stop it, but nothing works. I don't understand why this is happening. Of all the betrayals I've faced in my lifetime my body was never one of them. Why is it set on betraying me like this?

Why am I responding to Erax like he's my lover and not an enemy?

"What about with a man?" His voice is just above a whisper as he runs his fingers down the side of my throat. He pauses over my pulse and watches it flutter against him. "Answer me, Mist."

I twist and try to pull away again. He tightens his grip.

"I may not have done anything before," I gasp out, hating the moan that wants to build in the back of my throat, "but I've seen enough."

The priestesses weren't all virgins, and more than once I walked in on things I wish I hadn't seen. Priestess Gabriella was the worst of them. It was another way for her to humiliate me.

His lips tilt at the side, and there's a hint of amusement lacing his eyes that are turning back to green again. "So, the nuns were naughty, were they?" His fingers drift over my collar bones to the middle of my chest. They trail down until they reach the valley between my breasts, and his throat jerks as he looks at me, taking my body in. "I bet you used to spy on them."

I gasp when he touches my nipple and a bolt of pleasure shoots through me. Horrified by my reaction, I try to pull away again.

Erax digs his nails into my wrist, his gaze darkening. "Don't start acting shy with me now, princess. I'm going to be inside a lot more of you than just your head starting from tomorrow." He slips a hand under my nightgown and slides it up my thigh. "Tell me the truth, Mist. Did you enjoy watching the nuns fuck each other? Did it make you wet…" He cups my sex and begins to tease me, his eyes never leaving my own. "...like you are now?"

I dip my head back and let out a moan. Gods, it's been so long since I let myself feel pleasure like this. I can't even remember the last time. Whatever he's doing feels much better than I used to do. Another moan escapes me. It's the sound of my moaning that seems to break me free of his spell and I open my eyes, reality dawning on me again.

" Let me go—now !"

To my surprise, he does. Erax drops my hand and takes a step back from me, his eyes crossed over his chest. He watches me for far too long before saying anything.

"I don't plan on hurting you, Mist. It doesn't really do anything for me. I want you to know that before tomorrow comes. Even if you drive me fucking insane, even if we are enemies that will never understand each other, or ever want to—I will keep you safe and never let anyone hurt you. You are my queen, and my protection is forever yours. Even if you don't want it."

His queen. Something about hearing those words makes the bond between us so final. So real. I pull away from the mirror, my legs shaking. However, as I take a step forward, my gown catches on the edge of the mirror, a single shard that must have broken on the corner, and I don't realise it's tearing until it's too late. Until the cool air caresses the skin on my back.

I immediately turn to face Erax, hoping he didn't see. I know by the look on his face that he saw my scars. There was no way he couldn't have caught a glimpse of them. My whole-body tenses as he walks over. It is the first time I have ever seen his face pale. Yet there is a silent rage about him those bubbles beneath the surface. I can see it in his eyes, in the way he's walking towards me. He stops in front of me and reaches out a hand. I immediately flinch and cover my head with my arms, an instinctive reaction I haven't felt since leaving the convent. When nothing happens, I lower my arms, surprised to find him staring down at me in surprise. His eyes have turned gold again, but for the first time ever, red specks flicker in them.

He drops his hand back by his side. "Show me."

Even though the command is quiet, the distinct harshness in his voice makes me shiver. His entire demeanour has changed. This isn't the Erax who tried seducing me a few moments ago. This is a king commanding me to obey him. And yet still I do not move. I can't. Because I don't want him to see. I don't want anyone to see what they did to me. The moment I show someone my scars it makes what happened to me real, and I don't want what they did to me to be real. I just want to forget about it all.

"Maelena…" He whispers my name so softly it's like a plea. "Turn. Around."

Despite the warning laced in his voice, I shake my head. "I can't."

Please don't make me do this.

Even if I did want to show him, I'm completely frozen to the spot, barely able to breathe let alone move my legs. Erax steps behind me. In one swift motion, he tears off the rest of my gown and lets it flutter to the ground next to me. For a painfully long moment, Erax says nothing. He just looks, and then he feels, touching, ever so gently, the scars on my back. My breath hitches with panic. I have never let anyone touch my back like this before. Not even Lochlan.

Erax moves his hand over my back slowly, tracing every scar as if mapping them out in his memory. I wince when he finds the most recent ones. Although they have mostly healed, the scars from my last night at the convent are still a little tender. A deep growl rumbles in his chest behind me.

"Who did this to you?" His voice is dangerously low and close, so close that his breath touches my neck and cheek. "Who the fuck did this to you? Tell me now!"

Tears slip from my lashes as my body trembles beneath his hand. "You know who did it."

You all knew—even the gods. Everyone chose to turn a blind eye to it. Even the gods when I begged them to stop it. To help me.

As if Erax would give a shit about my scars anyway. They are just reminders of what he put me through. Because if he hadn't taken everything away from me, none of this would have happened, and my back would remain scarless. Instead, I carry them because of his doing, and he has the audacity to act like he cares? To pretend to feel sorry for me?

My tears turn into tears of rage. I wipe them with the side of my hand and glare up at him. "The priestesses told me how they were ordered to keep me in line, how you told them to do everything in their power to turn me into your perfect little princess bride. The punishments they gave me once a month, they were part of their so-called training "—I spit the last word out— "but I'm sorry you find my scars hideous to look at. The sisters healed what they could, of course, but I was told I only needed to lie on my back to please you, so you wouldn't see or care. As long as I could still open my legs for you, that was all that mattered."

I can barely see him through the tears rushing down my face when I open my eyes again. I don't bother wiping the tears away. He needs to see them. He needs to know.

"Who did this, Maelena?"

I turn around to face him and instil as much hatred as I can into my voice. "You did. Every scar, bruise and bone they broke in my body was carried out under your orders. Or so they said." He stares at my chest as if his eyes haven't moved since I turned around, as if he's still looking at the scars on my back. "If you think those are bad, they are nothing like the mental scars they gave me. Those will never heal. Sister Gabriella made sure of that."

Finally, he lifts his eyes to meet my gaze. They're almost completely red now and his pupils have narrowed, reminding me of a serpent. A dragon. He suddenly whips his cloak off and drapes it over my shoulders. I leave his cloak on, knowing it's better than walking half naked back through the palace. Something heavy lies in the inner cloak pocket, and I pull it out, surprised to find my dagger survived. My father's crest is gone and has been replaced with a gold dragon, but the blade is still sharp and just as red. Erax must have had it mended.

Why would he fix a weapon that was used to try to kill him?

I look up to find him opening the mirror door again. The fact he's leaving after all I just said makes me want to throw my dagger at him. Maybe I'll have better luck from this angle. Maybe it will just satisfy me. Both outcomes are tempting.

"There are guards outside who will take you back," Erax growls.

He slams the door behind him, and I can only stare at my reflection as a horrible thought occurs to me. Why don't I feel relieved now that Erax is gone?