Chapter 27

CHAPTER 27

Zinnia

Elswyth Beatrix Thornheart died at 2:48 a.m., surrounded by her loved ones on a crisp and cloudy winter's night.

Jasmine and I watched her soul rise from her body, and when Stanley greeted her, pulling her into his arms and holding her tight, she transformed, becoming the bold, stunningly beautiful young witch she had once been. Her hair, long and black, hung down her back as she smiled at him.

"She's with Stanley," I said to my aunt and cousins. "She's young again and so incredibly beautiful."

"They're walking away holding hands," Jasmine added with a shaky smile.

We'd spent the rest of the night preparing her body for the burial. We didn't like to wait to return our dead to the earth, to the mother. Everyone that could, made it to the funeral the following day. Nearly all our coven was there, and Connor arrived with a van full of witches from the Coven Elders' Assembly. Numerous council members and nearly everyone from Draven's pack as well as Bram's brothers and their aunt attended. The hounds arrived on their bikes, all dressed in black, and Ren's parents came too. Our cemetery was usually warded, but for today, we'd dropped it to allow everyone in to pay their respects. It was crowded, and the hounds and wolves had offered to make sure no one who shouldn't be there got in or took anything that they shouldn't.

People were still assholes, and the Thornheart cemetery was still one of the most coveted cemeteries in the city and farther afield.

Now, it was late evening, and everyone was gathered in the backyard at Daisy's house. There was a fire, and we were all eating, drinking, and sharing our memories of Else. It was hard to believe she was actually gone. It still didn't feel real.

And I felt so incredibly guilty because I couldn't stop thinking about Death and what happened in my dream just before Else died. Something was terribly wrong. That was no dream. It was him; he'd been with me.

But when I'd finally fallen back into bed in the early hours of the morning, he hadn't come back. I'd wanted to see him again, to talk to him, if he'd let me, but I hadn't dreamed at all. I had this sick, awful feeling inside me that I might never see him again—and I realized that wasn't something I could abide.

I didn't want to give him up, to never see him again, but I didn't want to leave my family either, especially now—and yeah, I sure as hell didn't want to die.

I glanced around the yard, and suddenly I found it hard to breathe. I needed to be alone, to think. I should say goodbye, but instead, I slipped away, down the side of the house, and broke into a run as soon as I reached the street, desperate to release the pressure building inside me, to burn off the awful feeling that wouldn't go away, screaming at me that something was wrong, that Death needed me, that I was making a mistake.

I made it back to Jasmine and Ren's place, but I couldn't bring myself to go inside. The house was empty, but I thought I'd lose my mind if I walked in there, if I went to my room and pretended that this was my life now, that I was fine and that never returning to Limbo was what I wanted. Instead, I sat beneath Jasmine's favorite tree. She loved this spot and sat here all the time. I rested my head against the rough trunk, listening to the insects and the rustle of the spruce trees.

My chest was hollow, so incredibly empty, as if some fundamental part of me had been scooped out, and the only way to feel whole again was to go back—to him. How could that be? How could I actually be considering giving it all up, every part of me, possibly my life, just to be with him again? I shoved my fingers in my hair.

"Do you love him?" Else's words filtered through my mind. "Okay, let me put it this way, pumpkin, if you dropped that brick wall you've built around yourself, if you forget the other consorts and the visions and the brother and Nox and the kid in stasis and all the other things, if you shove that all aside, and it's just you and him, do you think you could love him?"

I hadn't been able to answer her then, but it was obvious, wasn't it? Why else would I be torn over this? Why else would the pull to return to him be so strong?

Because I loved him.

So much that I was considering giving up everything—my life—to be with him again.

All of a sudden, holding myself up was too much. My body ached from crying the last two days, and emotionally I was drained. I lay on my side, my hand to the soft grass, and let the vibrations from the earth, from the mother, fill me, trying to let them restore me. Hemlock crawled out of his bag and curled up under my chin, and I closed my eyes, willing the darkness to come, to take me under as I let the exhaustion weigh down my limbs, my head, my stomach and chest, until I felt as if I were becoming one with the earth. I let it surround me in its familiar embrace and soothe the pain.

My eyes drifted closed.

I screamed as pain tore through me.

"That's it, love, push," Death said against my damp hair. "She's nearly here."

I bared down, squeezing his hand, and pushed again as another contraction gripped my rounded belly.

Death grinned, his eyes glistening as he reached between my legs. "One more, Aster."

I pushed hard, delivering our tiny daughter into the protection of her father's hands.

"She's here," he said, wrapping her in the blanket I'd made for her.

He lifted her, placing her on my chest, and I held her carefully as tears of happiness, of contentment and love, filled me. "You're finally here." I kissed her. "Hello, Marigold."

I jolted awake, blinking into the darkness. I didn't move, barely breathed.

"What if they're not visions? What if they're something else?"

Again, Else's words filled my head, and the truth filled my heart.

They weren't visions—they were memories. When I dreamed of them, of the others, I was watching, but now when I dreamed of Aster, I wasn't just looking through her eyes; I was her.

As soon as the realization hit me, waves of energy crashed through my body. I cried out as my back arched, bowing against the strength of it.

"Zinnia!"

Jasmine's voice was muffled, drowned out as it all came back. Right from the beginning. In the night sky beside Death, Nox taking him away from me, turning him into flesh and blood. Missing him so much, my light began to dim. Finally being plucked from the sky, Nox standing over me, blood rushing through newly created veins.

Being reunited with Death. I'd been wearing the black gown, the fabric like fine cobwebs and made from night and shadows—the one Death ripped from me when he saw it. Nox had used it to hurt him, to taunt him. And it had, because my soul was connected to his, was created to be at his side.

I saw it all. Me, Death, and Marigold, how happy the three of us were together—but then something happened to me after her birth. I'd been afraid all the time, so very fragile. Nox reached out to me; she was in my ear, in my head, twisting my fragile mind, making me believe Death would hurt our daughter, hurt me.

I'd taken Marigold, and I'd run. Nox's demons had promised to take me to her, but it was only Marigold that Nox wanted. She'd been there the day at the cliffs. She ordered her demons to snatch Marigold from my back. She ordered them to push me over.

Oh goddess, I'd left him. Nox had somehow poisoned my mind, and I'd run from him.

I'd left Death.

I'd taken his daughter, and we'd left him all alone.

Death had raged at me, had been so full of anger toward me, because I'd left him in my first life, and he'd been protective to the point of controlling because he was terrified Nox and her demons would get to me again.

And he was furious because I didn't remember any of it—because I didn't remember him.

My soul had come back, over and over and over—but Death had never opened himself up again. My mind continued to feed me visions, so many all at once. I was staring through their eyes, the females that came after, the females I'd seen in my visions, their lives—their deaths.

In all of them, Death was in his cloak, drowning in darkness and rage, and in all the visions, the females housing my soul cringed away from him.

He never let me back into his heart or his bed—not until now.

Not until he found me.

Because Death was mine.

This time, it wasn't just reincarnation; this was rebirth. I'd been given another chance to get it all back, to get the love of my life back, to get my daughter back. Oh goddess, I wanted them back.

Death had been mine almost since the beginning of time. He looked at me, touched me, spoke to me like he knew me, because he did. He'd shown me the cave, the tree house, places we'd spent time loving each other, because he wanted me to remember. He raged at me, sometimes hated me, because I looked at him like a monster, like a stranger, the way I had after I'd given birth to Marigold, after Nox had poisoned my mind, when we'd been everything to each other. Everything.

The world around me rushed back into focus. I was in my room, and Ren was laying me on my bed. Jasmine was leaning over me, eyes wide with fear.

"I'm not hurt," I said and pushed myself up. My heart ached, the feeling of loss unbearable. I missed my consort; I ached for him, and I ached for my child, locked in Death's temple, frozen in time. No, I hadn't birthed her—Aster had— but I was Aster . I was his Stella. We were one and the same. I flew out of bed.

"Zinnia? What's going on?"

I loved my sister, and she loved me, but she didn't need me, not anymore. She had Ren now, and as much as leaving her killed me, Death needed me; our daughter needed me. I forced myself to slow down, and I took her face in my hands. "There is so much I want to tell you, but it's… so big, too big. I don't know how. All I can say is, Death loves me so much, Jazzy, and I love him. We belong together. I have to go, and I don't know what happens next, but I might not be able to—"

"Don't say it." She gripped me tight. "I don't want you to leave." Tears welled in her eyes.

I swiped them away. "You're so strong, Jaz. You don't need me anymore." I glanced up at Ren. "You have your own family now."

"I'll always need you," she choked.

"And I'll always need you, and I promise, I'll find a way to reach you. I promise, but my family is waiting for me, and I have to go."

She wrapped her arms around me tight, and I clung to her, pouring a lifetime of love into my baby sister—a lifetime that I might have to miss. "Love you, Jazzy."

"Love you too, Zinny."

I looked at Ren again over her shoulder, and he nodded. He had this. He had her. I didn't need to worry; he would always have her back.

I pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I need to pack."

"Okay." She smiled shakily. "But before you leave, I have something for you. Something you need to take home with you."

Half an hour later, I was watching Jasmine's car drive away and walking into Oldwood Forest. "Stay hidden," I said to Hemy.

I wasn't sure if Death's protection would still work, so I gripped my knife tight. I heard demons, saw several, but they didn't see me. Either he was expecting me, or he was hoping I'd come. I let that fill me with hope; I needed it, especially after our last encounter in my dreams.

When I walked into the clearing, a demon was sitting there, leaning against a tree near the pile of rocks and boulders that would form the gateway to Limbo. He was playing with his phone, snickering at whatever he was doing.

He didn't look up, didn't see me. With Death's protection surrounding me still, I should be able to walk right up, open it, and walk through, and he wouldn't be any the wiser. I'd seen demons here before—this wasn't unusual—but still I approached cautiously, watching him closely.

The demon, apart from the greenish tinge to his skin, looked fairly humanoid. He tapped something out on his phone with a grin. Still, he gave no sign that he saw me at all. He couldn't; Death had made sure of it. I don't know why I was feeling so anxious. Maybe because I was so close to being back with Death and Marigold that I was terrified something would go wrong.

I made a slice in my palm and lifted my hand to drip my blood onto the rocks and boulders that would form the gateway.

One moment, the demon was by the tree; the next, he'd grabbed my wrist and shoved something cold and hard onto one of my fingers. My blood hit the boulders a moment later, and I yelled the words to open the gate as I swiped my blade at him.

He released my wrist and shoved my hand away, backing up with a smirk. "A gift from Nox."

The gateway opened behind me as I looked down at the tarnished gold band now on my hand and watched in horror as it turned liquid and swirled around my finger, sinking into my flesh, into bone. I screamed as pain shot up my arm.

"Have fun," the demon said before he slammed his foot into my stomach, pushing me through the gateway.

I fell through, hitting the path hard. Cold immediately seeped into me, through me. I lay there, looking around. Something wasn't right. The forest smelled dank, like decay; the air was heavy with it. Mossy strands hung from the trees, and the feeling of dread and sorrow was so thick, it took everything in me not to curl in a ball and give in to it, to sob from the hopelessness that sank deeper inside me. This was what I felt when I first met Death; this was what radiated from him and twisted inside me when I'd first come here. For months, I'd felt this—but somehow, it was worse now, so much worse.

Get up. He needs you.

It physically hurt to move, but somehow, I pulled myself off the ground and got to my feet. Scanning the area, I realized this wasn't the path I usually walked along. This wasn't the way back to Death. I was somewhere else. In Limbo, but somewhere I'd never been before.

My finger throbbed, blood oozing from around the dull gold embedded in my flesh. Shaking out my hand, I grabbed my hunting knife from the ground beside me. Nox, the evil bitch, was the reason I died the first time. She'd stolen our daughter, and then her demons had killed me on her order. I forced myself to walk. Whatever she had in store for me, I would not let her win, not this time. The path ahead seemed endless, and I walked faster, faster, then broke into a run.

I ran and ran for so long, my legs were close to giving out, but I never got anywhere. The same trees, the same path—it all remained the same. I was getting nowhere. Panting, I stopped, looking around me.

Death always warned me to stay on the skull path. Nox wanted me to stray from it. She wasn't giving me any other choice. The goddess was dangerous, especially when she felt threatened, which meant I was close. I was close to breaking whatever curse she had on Death, and she wanted me gone for good.

Well, she wasn't going to win. I would not die, not this time, and I wouldn't abandon Death, not ever again.

Gripping my knife tight, I did the only thing I could. I stepped off the path—

And into a cottage.

The forest was gone, and I was in a room… filled with dolls.

Stumbling back, I knocked one off the shelf. What the actual fuck was this? Everything was pink and frilly, and there were dolls, weird leather-looking dolls, in different colored, lacy dresses covering every surface. Hemy wriggled against me through the bag. "Don't move. Stay where you are until I tell you to come out," I whispered.

He stilled immediately, doing as I said.

The door opened, and a man walked in. He was huge, dressed in dirty jeans and a grungy navy-and-black flannel shirt like a lumberjack. His gaze sliced to me, eyes widening.

I held up my hands. "I'm sorry. I'm not sure how I got here—"

"Who are you? Why are you with my babies?" he said, eyeing me suspiciously. "You can't have them," he yelled. "You can't have them!"