Chapter 22

CHAPTER 22

Zinnia

Home: Week One

As soon as I walked into the clubhouse, I was handed a drink. A moment later, the music was turned up, and my cousins swooped in, pulling me in for a round of tight hugs while Hemy got pats and treats and kisses.

My cousins had made sure I was walking into a party when I stepped into the room with Jazzy and Ren, and I needed that—anything to help me stop thinking about Death and what he'd said to me.

To stop me from focusing on the awful feeling of dread inside me that I couldn't shake.

Everyone was here—all my cousins and their mates, Asher and a few more wolves from Draven's pack, and all Bram's brothers—and just for tonight, I was choosing oblivion with people I cared about. I'd think about the choice I had to make tomorrow or the next day. I had four weeks to think about it, four weeks away from Death and the choice he'd thrown at me before I left.

A full lunar month without his mood swings and demands, his unpredictable rages and unexplainable, hurtful anger.

Twenty-eight days without his growls or his kisses, without the feel of his arms around me or the devastating, swoony, and heart-stopping things he said to me, taking me by surprise.

I was jostled from the thoughts flying about my head by a pair of massive arms coming around me and lifting me off my feet before I was engulfed in the kind of hug that had the power to take all your worries away, at least for a little while. "Fucking good to see you, Zinny," Relic said against my ear, holding me tight.

His heat seeped through me, and I hugged him back just as fiercely. "You too, my friend."

He finally put me down, and I looked up into his handsome face. "You wanna get shit-faced?"

He grinned, flashing those white teeth and fangs. "I don't get shit-faced, babe. Male as big as me, packing this much muscle, impossible." He flexed and winked, and I burst out laughing. "But more than happy to drink you under the table, lightweight."

"We'll see who the lightweight is." I gave him a shove toward one of the standing tables where Magnolia and Bram had wandered over to.

I curled my arm around Mags's neck when I reached her and planted a kiss on her cheek. "You wanna try my new potion?" she said, sliding over a shot glass full of something purple.

"How fast will it get me wasted?"

She winked. "Let's start with this one and see how we go."

I downed the sweet-tasting potion, and a moment later, I was hit with a wave of euphoria. Whatever was in Mags's potion had my serotonin levels shooting through the roof. "Another!" I cried.

Then Jazzy was there, and Rose and Willow and Iris, and we were dancing—well, Iris was more swaying with how heavily pregnant she was. Relic took my hand, spinning me around, and we were all laughing and singing. I sank into it, letting Mags's potion do its thing—letting it take me out of my own head, just for a little while.

* * *

I let my head slide across the back of the couch and land on Relic's shoulder. "I think I'm all partied out."

"Like I said, lightweight," he muttered and wrapped his arm around me. "You have a good night, babe?"

The party was still going, but it'd thinned out. Wills had gone downstairs to be with Warrick and Vi. Rose and Ronan and Iris and Draven had left a little while ago, and Mags and Bram were sitting on the opposite couch talking in that way couples obsessed with each other did, as if there were no one else in the room, while Jazzy was on Ren's knee on a chair beside us, making out.

"I had a great night. Being with all my favorite people, it's hard not to." I rested my hand on his stomach and tilted my head back to look at him. "Thanks for hanging with me tonight," I said and yawned. I was still feeling the effects of the potion and the beers, and my eyelids drooped.

Blue eyes filled my mind, wild and glowing, and I jolted awake.

Relic frowned. "Okay?"

I blinked up at him. "I think I drifted off for a second."

He grinned, flashing his killer dimples. "I'll be your pillow anytime."

"You're too charming for your own good, and the biggest flirt I've ever met." I huffed out a laugh.

"It's a skill I've perfected over the multiple centuries of my existence. It's a gift," he said, dropping his voice so it was low and growly.

"Relic, you seriously are a handsome devil, but that growly, dirty thing you're doing, as hot as it is, won't work on me," I said with a smirk. He wasn't being serious; he just was the flirtiest bastard I'd ever met.

"Baby, I gotta try. I've been angling for a feisty little witch of my own for a few years now, but I'm starting to think I've lost my touch 'cause every one of your cousins, your sister, and now you have flat-out rejected me," he said, that handsome-as-sin grin still on his face.

"You have no trouble picking up females."

"This is true, but I did think, just for a moment there, when we hung out in my room that time, that you might have actually considered taking me up on my offer of a night you'd never forget," he said, looking cocky as hell.

He was right. Who wouldn't consider it? A sound like a roar filled my head, and I jolted, sucking in a sharp breath. What the hell was that?

I shook it off and gave Relic a little shove. "Possibly," I said and rolled my eyes. "Just for a moment."

It was after my first month with Death; he'd ignored me, except for when he watched me, freaking me the hell out.

Before Death's bargain, I'd been working, using my powers to help people by speaking with their loved ones who'd crossed over, helping lost souls move on, or vanquishing evil ones. I'd felt lost while I was away that first month, disconnected from who I was, confused. Relic had been there, just doing what he did, being the truly awesome male that he was.

"I knew it." He winked. "If you ever change your mind, baby, you know where to find me."

I chuckled and shook my head. He'd offered me an escape from the pain I was feeling. No bullshit or pretense that it would be more than a good time. He'd offered me a night of orgasms and, because it was Relic, no doubt some laughter as well. I'd wanted to go to his room with him when he'd asked, and I had, but we'd ended up talking, and I'd fallen asleep on his bed. I'd woken in the night, Relic beside me. He'd been awake, chest bare and hard as hell behind his worn jeans. I'd been about to roll toward him, but a voice in my head, Death's voice calling me his, roaring it in my mind, had stopped me.

It was like Death had been there.

And a moment ago, he'd been here as well, hadn't he? He'd been in my head, looking through my eyes right at Relic. He had to be with Somnus, and as soon as I'd drifted off, even though it was just for a split second, he'd had an opening.

"You okay, Zinny?" Relic asked, tucking my hair behind my ear.

I sat up straighter, shaking off the tiredness. "Ah… yeah. All good." Relic didn't want me, and I didn't want him, not now. That night in his room, I thought he must have been feeling as lost as me. "She's out there, you know? I know she is. She's waiting, Relic. You just have to find her."

His cocky grin slipped, the look in his eyes flattening. I had no idea how much he felt. Lucifer created the hounds and gave them the ability to feel lust, anger, and loyalty, but the rest didn't come easy. Relic was second-gen, though, still hundreds of years old, but not as old as Warrick and not directly created by Lucifer. I'd never asked, and he'd never said what his emotional range was. Some of the others faked it, but I didn't think that's what Relic was doing. He felt more than them; I was sure of it. Maybe not as much as us mortals, but definitely more.

"You know I love making a female feel good, babe, but sometimes, all I'm fucking after is a simple touch, a hug, you know? That's all. As for a mate, I'm good. I have brothers who've been waiting a fuck of a lot longer than me. They should be first," he said, and it was as serious as I'd ever heard him. "It wouldn't be right."

Hounds were extremely tactile, craved touch, and loved hugs, and what he'd just said broke my heart a little. "That's not how this works, and if you need a hug, I'm here… well, when I am here. But if she's out there, you'll find each other. Whose turn it is or if we're ready has nothing to do with it. The fates do whatever the hell they like." I knew that better than most. I gave his big, rough-skinned hand a squeeze and stood.

"The fates are evil bitches," he said and took a sip of his beer.

Or maybe they were the only ones who actually knew what was good for us, and we needed to just stop fighting it and give in.

* * *

It was late when we got back to Jazzy and Ren's place. They'd gone straight to bed, and I'd popped earplugs in when sounds started drifting down the hall that I sure as hell did not want to hear.

I'd also had plenty of opportunities to tell Jazzy or one of my cousins what Death had said to me before I'd left Limbo, but I hadn't.

"But I'm begging you… choose me over everything and everyone, over a life with them, over the possibility of death here with me."

"Choose me."

I squeezed my eyes closed and curled my fingers into fists. Why the hell had he said that? We could have carried on as we were for just a little longer. Now he was going to force my hand. He was going to make me choose. I wasn't in love with him—but I felt something. There was this pull inside me, distant but strong. Incredibly strong. Not love—it couldn't be—but something… something else. And even if what I felt for him did run deeper, even if I was falling for him, how could I choose him? How could I leave behind my sister? My family? I couldn't. Goddess, this hurt. I hated him for doing this to me, and I hated myself for even feeling the slightest bit conflicted about this. The answer should be easy. He forced me into a bargain I didn't want. He'd taken me away from everyone I loved.

This should be easy.

Then why the hell wasn't it?