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Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

Zinnia

We were finally on the last leg of the journey, and I gripped Zuri's reins as she galloped through the forest. She'd healed while we were gone, but Raze had been sticking close to his mate since Death called for them after we walked through the gateway back into Limbo.

He nudged her every now and again, making her move where he wanted her, to keep her from edging too far ahead or putting any kind of distance between them at all. Zuri would make this high noise and shake her head in frustration, overwhelmed by his dominance. I got how she was feeling; the last few days, Death hadn't left my side.

I glanced over at him. He'd invaded my life at fifteen years old, and had been completely unaware of how terrified I'd been of him or that the way he went about it had sent me down a dark path, driving me to go to extreme lengths to avoid him. I'd lost something precious as a consequence, far more than was fair, and that was before I'd been forced to leave my family and come here. After all of that, after all I'd lost, I never dreamed I'd actually like him. That I might actually enjoy his company—but I did.

The castle finally came into view, and Death galloped up to the stairs, his anticipation at seeing his brother awake for the first time in so many years palpable. He swung off Raze, and I eased off Zuri, stretching my aching body. Death had made good on his promise; he'd taken me at any opportunity, deeply and thoroughly, and there wasn't a moment, not since the first time we were together, that I hadn't felt him with me, inside me.

And I wanted him. Goddess, I wanted him all the damn time.

Shivering, I focused on taking off Zuri's girth strap and glanced up when the doors swung open and Somnus strode out. He should be frail from never moving, never eating, only sleeping, but he wasn't. He looked every bit the god he was.

Death grinned wide, taking the steps two at a time to greet him. I couldn't take my eyes off them as they embraced, as Death said something to him low. Their connection was obvious, the love between them unmissable.

When they released each other, Somnus looked over at me. I lifted a hand in greeting, feeling awkward, not wanting to intrude on their reunion, but I also kind of knew him as well. He'd been here the entire time I had, even if he'd been asleep. He smiled, but it was strained.

Death strode back to me. "Come and join us."

I shook my head. "You two have a lot to catch up on, right? Like thirteen years' worth of gossip to share. I'm going to take a bath, snuggle with Hemy, and have a nap. I'll join you afterward." Death had regained his control somewhat since losing it completely on the ship, but I could tell it was a battle. He didn't want to be angry, but it was still there.

"Okay, but don't stay away too long," he said and pressed a sweet kiss to my lips before he strode back to his brother, and they disappeared inside.

I'd said thanks to Zuri, and she and Raze had just trotted off when Egon hustled out, his horns glinting in the light. Hemlock was on his shoulder, and he squeaked, making excited noises when he saw me. I scooped him up and held him close. "I've missed you, my sweet baby." He wriggled and squeaked some more, trying to get as close as he could to me, and I giggled when he tickled my neck.

"Thank you for taking such good care of Hemy. He's happy, so I'm happy."

"No thanks necessary, I assure you." Egon took my bag. "I thought you might like a bath, my lady."

"Are you saying I stink, Egon?"

His lips twitched. "Never."

"Well, I do, and I'd love one."

"Good, because I've drawn one for you," he said.

We headed inside. "Have I ever told you that I love you?" I said and hooked my arm through his. "Because I do."

He didn't profess his love back to me, but I did see the corners of his lips curl up, and he patted my hand. "I am exceedingly glad you're home safe."

"You and me both. Were you bored without me?"

He made a rough sound that was absolutely a laugh. "Oh, most assuredly. The castle was a sad and lonely place without you stomping around and bickering with his lordship."

"Stomping? I do not stomp."

His lips twitched again. "Of course not."

"Or bicker."

"Never."

"Smart-ass."

"Possibly."

I laughed then, and it felt really good. "Just so you know, you're my favorite."

"Second favorite, surely," he said.

"Maybe."

The slight lip curl became a full, fang-flashing grin. The demon had not missed that something had changed between Death and me.

"Shut up," I said, then couldn't hold back my own grin, because I wasn't… unhappy. For the first time in all the months I'd been coming here, I wasn't desperately missing home. Yes, I was confused and scared of the things I was starting to feel, plus a whole lot of other things, but I wasn't unhappy. I thought I might actually be the opposite, which just made me all the more terrified.

We walked into my room, and Egon put my bag on the trunk at the end of the bed.

"Lyle made you a mug of your favorite tea. It's waiting for you by the tub. Would you like a light repast brought up?"

"No. Thanks, though, Egon. I'll wait for dinner. And I deeply appreciate the tea."

He smiled and dipped his head, then walked out, closing the door behind him. I sat on the edge of my bed, pulled off my boots with a sigh, and wiggled my toes while Hemy had the zoomies on the mattress around me. I undid my leather jacket and let it slide off my shoulders. Next, I shucked off the pants and let out another sigh of relief. Striding to the dresser, I pulled out some clean clothes, and my gaze caught on the knickknacks sitting on top.

I picked up a silver thimble; it was worn inside, with tiny dents from needles pressing against the tip. Someone had used it regularly. Without realizing I was doing it, my hand went to the center of my chest, rubbing at the ache that came out of nowhere. That seemed to be happening a lot. Some of the pieces on the dresser and around the room had to be ancient, and some were probably just a century or two old. There were things all over this room, little oddities, keepsakes—a random book still open face down on the table by the chair next to the window, a delicate bedside clock inlaid with jewels, small dried-up pots of paints, and several paintings of the view from the window or the garden that were executed with passion and pleasure, but even I could see they were by someone who only painted as a hobby.

Only now, right in this moment, did I realize what they were.

They were small pieces of the females who had come before me. Each of Death's consorts had left something of themselves in this bedroom.

One day soon, would all that remained of me in this castle be some trinket left behind?

More than likely.

No, I wasn't going to just give up. I wasn't going to let someone end my life, or whatever had happened to the females before me, without a fight, but I had accepted that death could be the eventual outcome of this journey fate had sent me on, whether I liked it or not.

* * *

"How are you enjoying Limbo?" Somnus asked as he tore another strip of meat from the bone he was holding.

Somnus had been quiet, distracted, and his leg jiggled almost nonstop. He hadn't said much since I sat, instead choosing to devour everything on the table like a man who hadn't taken a bite in thirteen years.

"Does anyone really enjoy Limbo?" I said, grinning as I cut off a small piece of carrot and handed it to Hemy, who was perched on my shoulder.

Somnus glanced at Death, not looking amused by my little joke in the slightest. "A person can enjoy any location as long as they are in close proximity to those they love."

He was also protective of his brother.

"Yes, that's true. It's hard being away from my family a month at a time. I have a younger sister—"

"Who is newly mated, yes? She does not need you to be there for her like she used to," Somnus said. "I understand the hardship of being absent from the lives of my family, of being parted from them, but sometimes, we need to do what's best for ourselves as well as others."

I stared at him, surprised that when he did finally choose to speak, it was to essentially scold me for not being excited enough about being here with his brother. "That's true. When did you last do something for yourself, Somnus? As I understand it, you've spent centuries— longer?—trapped in the Dream Realm to protect your sister. No, I still don't fully understand all the ins and outs of your situation…" I glanced at Death. "Because no one will tell me, but you're not really practicing what you preach." Was that a dickish thing to say? Probably, but I wasn't a fan of being judged by someone who knew nothing about me.

He blinked over at me several times. "I am immortal. I have been alive since almost the dawn of time and will continue to live when we reach the end. I have many lifetimes ahead of me. My time with Marigold in the Dream Realm is but a blip in my lifetime. Best you consider the situation you find yourself in closely, or you will end up—"

"Somnus," Death growled.

He froze, then blew out a breath and slumped back in his seat. "Apologies, both of you. I'm not… I'm not myself. I'm anxious to get back to Marigold."

"It must be hard being away from her," I said.

"It is. Thankfully, I have a… a friend, Pascal, who can check in on her from time to time." His gaze went to Death. "I trust him with my life," he added, reassuring his brother.

"Are you sure, Som?" Death asked, looking tense.

"I've never been more sure of anything."

Death held his brother's stare, then nodded.

I took a sip of my wine. "So, how do you know so much about me and my sister?" I asked Somnus.

He looked up from loading his plate with more mashed potatoes. "I have access to every living being in every realm in existence. Dreams, nightmares—they come to everyone. I was searching for you, and then one night, there you were."

I turned to Death. "How does it work? How did you reach me in my dream that first time?"

Hemy pushed closer to me when he sensed my emotions shift, my little familiar trying to comfort me. That time of my life was not something I liked to look back on. Death was studying me in that way of his, like he could sense it as well and was trying to reach inside me and learn my secrets.

He had his elbows on the table, his hands linked together in front of him. Darkness swirled in his eyes. "If I sleep beside Som, as long as we're touching, I can tap into his powers, and he can point me in the right direction."

I looked away, down at my food, when Somnus asked him a question, changing the subject. But I couldn't shake the memories of that time, of what happened next. The night the God of Death came to me—a terrified kid, only fifteen years old—in my dreams and told me I belonged to him.

How I'd struggled to stay awake afterward so he couldn't reach me again. I'd taken potions to keep myself awake until I was delirious and desperate. Until I'd finally learned of a demon who could help me. Then I'd made a choice in fear and delirium that ended in me losing something precious, something that I could never get back and could never be undone.

I stumbled to the demon's door and knocked.

His name was Fluke, and it had taken me three days to find him. Three days of drinking coffee, of using forbidden potions and elixirs to fight off sleep. If my family knew I'd come here, they'd be furious, but this demon was my only chance. "You said on the phone you can help me?"

The demon's muddy yellow eyes looked me up and down. "You are Death's consort?"

"That's what he says." The demon was old, powerful. He'd been around so long, his skin looked thin and almost translucent. His eyes were cloudy, and the fangs that curved around his chin had blackened. If I weren't so exhausted and scared, I would've probably peed myself. But what waited for me in my dreams, my future, if the demon couldn't help me was far worse.

"What's your fee?" I asked, my words sounding slurred from exhaustion and the potions still in my system.

He opened his door wider. "Come in and we can make a deal."

I needed to get this done quickly. Mom was gone again, and Jaz had been staying with a friend. I hated being away from her for more than a couple of days. I followed him in, and he led me to a tall bench, motioning to it. I sat, and he walked to a shelf and pulled down a small bottle. The liquid inside was black or maybe deep red, it was hard to tell in the shadowed room.

"This is the blood of the goddess Nox. She is the night and Death's mother. This cost me deeply to acquire, and if you want my help, you must be prepared to pay a great price."

"Whatever it is, I'll pay it."

"Then lie on the bench and lift up your shirt," he said as he closed the space between us, excitement dancing in his eyes.

"What are you going to do?"

"Take something you do not need. Now do it, or leave and await your fate."

I would never leave Jazzy. She needed me. And I would never belong to Death, and I sure as hell would never love that monster. I had no choice but to do as the demon asked. I lay on the bench and lifted my shirt. He stalked over and kneeled on the floor beside me.

"Once I take payment, I will mark you with the blood of Nox. Only her blood has the power to conceal you, and the only way for Death to find you will be if you cut the markings from your skin, do you understand?"

I nodded, my heart racing wildly in my chest.

Pulling up his sleeves, he rubbed his hands together, his translucent skin glowing the faster he rubbed. Then he pressed one to my bare stomach, pushing and grinding his palm. I screamed and thrashed, but leather binds snapped up like snakes and wrapped around my arms and legs, holding me down. White-hot agony burned through me as his hand pushed through, disappearing inside me. Shadows danced at the edges of my vision—and then the pain was too much. Everything went dark.

When I woke again, only a few candles flickered around the room. I looked down at myself. My stomach looked as if nothing had happened, as if the demon hadn't shoved his hand through my skin and into my body. My forearm stung, and I lifted it. There was a small tattoo-like marking there.

"You're awake finally," the demon said, and I quickly sat up, almost unbalancing and falling.

I looked back down at the tattoo. "What did you do?"

"The deal is done. You are now concealed from Death for all eternity."

I struggled to my feet. My stomach ached, and I felt weird. "What did you take from me?"

He motioned to a jar on a table beside me. Something fleshy floated in pink-tinged liquid. "I've given you your life back. That is a powerful thing and requires something equally as powerful as payment. I restored your life, and now you will never be able to create it. I took your womb, child."

"Zinnia?"

Death's voice pulled me from the horror of that memory, one I chose not to revisit, ever, but tonight, for some reason, I hadn't been able to shake it off.

"Where did you go just now?" he asked, studying me closely.

I forced a smile. "Sorry, I must've zoned out. Tired, I guess. I didn't sleep earlier like I'd planned to." I was trying to hide how that memory affected me, but Hemlock was totally giving me away. He was pressed into me, nuzzling my jaw, pouring as much love and comfort into me as his little soul had to give.

"Egon," Somnus called. "Bring the ambrosia, my man. My brother and I have much to discuss."

I smiled at him. "Looks like you're in for a big night. I'm going to head up to bed." I stood, but Death grabbed my hand, stopping me from walking past.

"Are you well?" His gaze moved over my face again. "You seem unsettled."

"I'm fine," I lied. "I just need a good night's sleep, that's all."

"And you'll be in my bed while you do it. Tonight and every night from now on. When I come up later, that's where I expect to find you."

"How very presumptuous of you," I said, raising a brow.

"This was inevitable. If you try to defy me, I will come for you and put you where you belong," he said, and darkness flashed through his eyes again.

This side of him hadn't been present as much, not after we left the ship and headed for home. I recognized it for what it was now—fear that I would reject him, deny him. He chose force, to bend me to his will, rather than ask and risk me saying no. That was something we were going to have to talk about, but I was too tired right then, and we had an audience.

So instead of giving him the attitude he expected before he inevitably made me do what he wanted, I decided to skip that part and, instead, cupped the side of his face, then leaned in close. His eyes widened, and I relished his surprise. It wasn't often I got one over on this powerful male. "All you had to do was ask, my lord," I said and pressed a soft kiss to his perfectly formed lips.

He made a delicious gruff sound as I straightened and walked away.

"Night, Somnus," I called.

"Good night, Zinnia," he called back, sounding a lot cheerier than before.

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