24. Kushiel

Kushiel could have transported them back to land rather easily, but he hadn't. He felt a bit guilty about it, but he'd been enjoying the afternoon too much with Cassius. Plus, it wasn't like they could accomplish anything on land that they couldn't accomplish on the yacht.

They'd chatted about possible places Mammon might have hidden the souls, pondering how exactly Mammon had even turned them into ghosts. It seemed beyond a demon's power, and they had no answers as to how he'd done it.

Cass had used the galley to cook them something for a late lunch, or perhaps an early dinner by the time they ate. They'd also done plenty of snuggling, and Kushiel had just enjoyed being with Cassius.

Kushiel hadn't had a lot of moments where he was comfortable just being himself, but Cass was constantly telling him how beautiful he was or how brightly he shone, despite the fact that he was literally gray. Kushiel thought it had probably been centuries since he had been comfortable in his original form, yet Cass gave that back to him.

They were sitting in the saloon on the couch, the sea breeze blowing in through the open doors, comfortably stuffed from dinner. Kushiel knew they probably had another half hour before they ended up back at the dock and were back to lost soul hunting. Cass was snuggled up next to him, and they were sitting in easy silence, content to be together. Kushiel couldn't help feeling a little guilty, though. Cassius was always saying nice things to him, yet he didn't really reciprocate. He realized he had been doing a poor job of appreciating his human.

Kushiel cleared his throat, then said, "I want you to know how much I appreciate you, Cass. I probably haven't said it enough, but I'm so thankful for your help and for you just being you. You say nice things to me all the time, and I realized I probably don't tell you often enough how much I like that. And I probably don't tell you nice things in return enough either."

Cass looked at him, smiling. "Thank you, K. I know you appreciate me, even if you don't say it all the time. I know you appreciate how I make you feel from your responses. I love seeing that sexy blush on you."

Kushiel couldn't help blushing at being called sexy.

Cass laughed. "See? I know you like it when I say nice things to you. And I'll keep on saying nice things to you, because I mean every single one of them. You are too good, K, and I know you would literally give me anything I asked for and do anything for me."

Kushiel nodded his head. "I would. Without question."

"But that's just the thing. I love you, K. I don't want to be just another person who takes from you. I want to be the person who gives back to you. It makes me happy to make you feel good. I feel appreciated every time you blush or smile or give yourself over to pleasure," Cass explained.

Kushiel didn't know how to respond to that statement. It was his purpose in life to give of himself. Cass grabbed both his hands, turning to face him on the couch and looking into his eyes.

"You are worth so much, Kushiel. You are all the things I've said—bright, beautiful, shining, and giving. You are more than I deserve," Cass declared.

"No, Cass," Kushiel cut in. "That's not true. You're perfect in every way, and it's me who doesn't deserve you."

Cass laughed. "We could argue about this all day, and maybe that's why we deserve each other."

Cass leaned forward to kiss him, and Kushiel lost himself in the warmth and softness of Cass's lips. When Cass pulled back, he reached up and put a hand on Kushiel's cheek.

"You know, don't you?" Cass asked.

Kushiel wasn't sure what he meant. "That you love me?" he guessed. "I love you, too, Cass, with all that I am. I mean that."

Cass smoothed his hair back, letting it fall through his fingers and then reaching up to do it again. Kushiel closed his eyes, loving the feel of Cass's hand running over his head.

"I know you do, K. I know that because I can feel it. Can you feel the ties between us?" Cass murmured.

Kushiel's eyes shot open. "Ties between us?" he asked.

"Yes, K. I can see ties that bind, like the ones between Mike and Ari," Cass said.

Kushiel's mouth opened, but no sound came out. Was Cass saying what Kushiel thought he was saying? He couldn't help it; tears came to his eyes. He didn't even know why he was suddenly crying. He was just so completely overwhelmed. He felt like his chest was about to burst open, and he was afraid that he was dreaming.

Cass put his hands on Kushiel's face, gently wiping away the tears that had fallen.

"I love you, and you love me, and we have an eternity together, K. It's ok," Cass reassured him.

Kushiel felt like a fool. Cass was trying to tell him wonderful news and his human probably thought he was sad. He just couldn't process what Cass was saying.

"Cass, I can't… Are you sure? Are you really sure? Because I'm just an angel, and only demons have gotten—" Kushiel cut himself off, like speaking the word might jinx it.

Maybe that wasn't even what Cass meant. Maybe he was misunderstanding this whole conversation. His heart plummeted for a moment, and he felt like he might be physically ill, something he had never before experienced.

"Soulmates," Cass stated, saying the word before Kushiel could spiral anymore.

"We can't be," Kushiel whispered. Then he felt horrible, because he didn't want Cass to think he didn't want him. "Not that I don't want to be, Cass, that isn't what I mean at all?—"

"Shhh," Cass whispered, placing a finger over his mouth. "I know, K. I know you're overwhelmed. I know because I can feel it, here," Cass said, taking his hand and pressing it against his own chest.

He then closed his eyes, scrunching up his forehead like he was in thought, his hand still pressed to his chest.

Kushiel felt it then. He laughed wetly, tears coming more freely now, because he felt Cassius. He felt love, warmth, caring, and gentle amusement. He put his hand over Cass's, and Cass opened his eyes. The feeling faded a tiny bit, but if he concentrated he could still feel it.

"How…" Kushiel said, unsure what he even wanted to ask about.

"It isn't only demons that have gotten soulmates, although I have seen more of them," Cass admitted. "I can see the ties between the souls. They were faint for us when they first appeared, and I was afraid to say anything, but they're strong now, K. Unbreakable. You are my soulmate. Nothing will ever take you away from me. Nothing," Cass promised.

"I was afraid to hope for such a thing," Kushiel admitted. He let go of Cass and reached up to wipe his eyes. "I didn't think I was worthy."

Cass leaned forward, kissing him lightly. "Of course you are. I mean all the things I say, K. Maybe you don't trust how you feel about yourself, but trust what I tell you. Trust what I see. You are the brightest soul I've ever seen."

Kushiel didn't know what to say. He didn't even know what he felt. It was too good to be true. He was overjoyed, yet he was also sort of waiting for something terrible to happen. He was waiting for the pain and misery that seemed to follow him everywhere. This seemed like it was too perfect to be real.

Cass put his hands on Kushiel's head and gently eased it down so that Kushiel was laying in his lap. Cass ran his hands through Kushiel's hair, just letting him process it all.

Cass was his soulmate. Cass was tied to him, and he could see those ties. Cass thought he shone more brightly than any other angel or demon.

Kushiel closed his eyes, and yes, he could feel Cassius. He could feel the love and acceptance. He didn't know how he could have gray skin and black wings and shine brighter than any other angel, but Kushiel knew that Cassius would never lie to him.

Cass was right. Maybe he had been through too much to trust his own vision of himself. He thought of the fire of hell and the ice of heaven. He thought of the angels who had slowly stopped speaking to him, then turned away whenever he was near. He had known their brotherhood once, long ago, and that had made it so much harder. He thought of the pain he took on himself when he redeemed souls. It had always seemed a small price to pay, but it had still been a price. He had paid for every visit to hell, every act of redemption on some soul's behalf. Eventually his entire existence had seemed like payment.

Maybe it had been, but if it had given him a soulmate… If it had given him Cassius, who was perfect in every way… Any payment was worth that. He would pay any price to have Cassius be his soulmate.

It was probably selfish, but Kushiel didn't care for once. He would be selfish, and he would keep Cassius.

He was pulled from his reverie as the engines quieted, and he realized with a start that they must have made it back to the marina.

"You alright, K?" Cass asked gently.

"Yes," Kushiel replied, sitting up. He leaned his forehead against Cass's. "I love you, Cassius. I cannot imagine how I could be so blessed as to possibly have you for a soulmate."

Cass rolled his head against Kushiel's, laughing a bit. "You still aren't totally convinced, are you? That's ok. I understand why it's hard for you. I know what you've been through. But I have faith in these ties. I have enough faith for both of us. And in a few decades, you'll get it. But don't begrudge me an I-told-you-so after a century or two has passed," Cass joked.

Kushiel hadn't even realized he had said "possibly," but yes, he supposed he did have a hard time thinking it was real. "Nothing would make me happier, Cassius. You have to know that," Kushiel insisted, afraid that Cass was hurt by his response.

"Oh, I know, baby. I know. I can feel you, remember? It'll take some time for you to understand that I'm not going anywhere. That's ok. We have all the time in the universe, and I'll use every moment of it to prove to you that I'm here to stay. I will never abandon you, K. I will never turn my back on you. I will be by your side for all eternity," Cass swore.

Kushiel blinked the wetness from his eyes again. It was like Cass understood him better than he even understood himself. "I love you, Cass," he whispered. It wasn't adequate, but it was all Kushiel could use to express the love that consumed him for this perfect human.

"I love you, Kushiel," Cass said, kissing him gently. "Now let's go so Bob can get home to Patrick. I have a feeling they'll have a frisky night of reminiscing."

A laugh burst out of Kushiel. He didn't doubt that Cass was wrong, and when Bob came out, clapped his hands, and said he couldn't wait to get home, they both looked at one another and giggled.

Kushiel had never felt so light.

They endedup arriving at Cass's apartment after dark, and when Cass had insisted they shower off the boat trip, Kushiel had agreed. When Cass had joined him in the shower, Kushiel had definitely agreed, and he hadn't been able to help himself—he'd needed to taste his human again. The noises Cass made and the beautiful things he said about Kushiel and how good it felt had made Kushiel feel floaty and wonderful.

When Cass had ordered him to touch himself as he sucked on Cass, it had almost been too much pleasure. When Cass groaned and came, the taste of Cass on his tongue and Cass murmuring for him to come too had set Kushiel over the edge. It had been perfect.

They had finished washing each other and then tumbled into bed, and Kushiel had slept wrapped around his human. Wrapped around his soulmate.

He had woken before Cass, and when he had stumbled out of the bedroom dressed and ready to try making breakfast again, Aunt Ro had thankfully been there to direct him. Cass had woken up, come to the kitchen, kissed him, and jumped right in to help.

It had been so easy and peaceful. The boat ride home, the evening, and then breakfast had felt like a reprieve from reality, but Kushiel also knew it couldn't last. He and Cass couldn't stay in their bubble of happiness forever. There were still lost souls to find.

When they were done eating, Cass had sighed.

"I know. It's probably time to try and figure this out," Kushiel agreed.

Aunt Ro, who had been surprisingly quiet throughout breakfast, disappeared and then reappeared a moment later with the lost soul. They definitely had more form as a ghost. In fact, it almost looked like they had features now. They were clearly human in form, although they were still androgynous and hard to see clearly.

"Aunt Ro! The ghost looks great!" Cass declared, staring at it. "They have even more light than before. How did you manage that?"

"While you two were off galavanting, I was giving our ghost an intense tutorial on kindness, family, and being generally good. I felt quite like the Ghost of Christmas Present. Only it isn't Christmas. And it wasn't really the ghost's life in review, but it was mine. Anyway, it seemed to do some good," Aunt Ro replied. "Although I don't think I could've done any good if Kushiel hadn't already given so much of his light to the ghost, so I don't think this would be a viable solution for all the other lost souls out there," she added.

Cass nodded his agreement, but Kushiel wasn't so sure. He didn't mind giving of himself if he needed to, especially if it redeemed lost souls. He didn't think Cass would like him putting himself through that, though, and he didn't want to make Cass upset.

"Well, we found out it isn't Levi, so we're left with Mammon as our main suspect. Any more clues?" Cass asked.

Aunt Ro sadly shook her head. The lost soul had gravitated over toward Kushiel, and they sat on the floor beside him, leaning against him. He felt a light draw on him, and Cass looked over at him sharply, but he only smiled in reassurance. The ghost was taking so little of his light that Kushiel could barely even sense it.

"Mammm…" the ghost uttered, and they all looked at them in shock. The ghost was nodding their head, as if agreeing that it was indeed Mammon responsible.

"I'll text Michael and see if Ari has gotten any more information. Maybe they can help us track down this demon as well," Cass said, picking up his phone. "I also know of a hellhound in the area, and they might be able to help…" Cass said, trailing off as he typed into his phone.

Kushiel was surprised that Cass knew a hellhound, although he probably shouldn't be. His Cassius was full of information and seemed to know everyone.

He thought hellhounds kept to their own kind, though, and didn't interact much with humans, aside from killing the ones that deserved it. They could track down evil quite easily, but as far as Kushiel knew, that was only mortal evil. He didn't think it extended to afterlifers, or he would have tried to find a hellhound to help earlier. Since they had emigrated to the mortal plane centuries ago, hellhounds really weren't something that most afterlifers thought about, sort of like ghosts, so it was no wonder it hadn't occurred to him.

"Mammon… circle… trees…" the ghost uttered. Each word was clearly difficult for them, but the ghost seemed to be getting clearer in their ability to communicate.

"Well, this will certainly be helpful—" Aunt Ro began, but then the ghost screamed in a wail of agony, and as Kushiel watched, they started to fade away.

Without thought, he grabbed onto the ghost's hand, surprised when he felt it within his own. He heard Aunt Ro and Cassius yelling, but the sounds were fading, as were his surroundings.