Chapter 29

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

"Meadow, are you sure about this?" Sawyer asked. "You're shaking like a leaf."

"I got this," I muttered, draining the last of the brandy barrel and tossing it aside. It clattered loudly against the stone floor, making me wince.

"You're being very brave," the cat told me proudly, ignoring the barrel. "And who knows? Maybe this thing between you and the bear is just one big misunderstanding. You could set him free! Maybe it's a princess-frog thing where you gotta kiss him."

"What? I'm not going in there to set him free. I'm going in there to pick a fight."

Sawyer's ears flattened as he gasped, "Meadow! Don't—"

Squaring my shoulders, I shoved open the side door to the great hall and marched inside.

It was gloomy here, the windows only facing the waterfall ravine to the east and not capturing much of the afternoon sunlight. The blue flames of the massive fireplace were low, just licking over the logs, and providing the bear no relief from the draft created by the windows.

I'd only taken one step into the great hall when the grizzly rose, growling from deep in his chest. At least it wasn't an ear-shattering roar.

Still, every sphincter within me clenched. So much for the confidence of the apple brandy.

My fingers slipped into Sawyer's striped fur, pressing deep until I felt his elastic baby skin and the vibrations of his purrs. The flood of comfort and strength I felt from his little body was stronger than it had ever been before.

There's no shame in baby steps . Emboldened by the contact with the cat, I turned and pushed shut the side door, enclosing us inside with the bear.

The grizzly growled even louder, rising to his feet.

I felt the reverberations of his warning in my bones, but I still managed to force my feet to take one step in front of the other. Stopping outside of paw-swiping range, I placed my free hand on my hip and craned back to look him full in the face. "Feh, you're not so tough."

The bear's amber eyes blazed, his nostrils flaring, then his lips peeled back into a snarl. Bone-white teeth, each as pointed as garden stakes, glistened in the muted light of the fireplace.

"So you tried to steal me away from Ossian, did you?" I taunted, giddy from the brandy and fearless from the cat. By the Green Mother, I was almost as loopy as I was after a pot of extra-strength rabbitfoot clover tea. I actually wagged my finger at the bear. "Yep, I know the whole story now. And guess what? You'll never win because the king and I are fated mates!"

The grizzly reared back with a thunderous roar.

Only my contact with the little cat prevented me from running from the great hall right then and there.

Thistle thorns, the bear was as tall as a mountain. His head would've scraped against the ceiling had the architect of this castle not seen fit to style the great hall after a cathedral. A wall of thick brown fur consumed my vision, punctuated with yellow claws each as long as my hand.

The bear crashed down on his front paws, his chain snapping tight, and he blasted another roar right into my face. I only flung up my arm to shield myself from his spittle, my feet rooted to the spot. His fury was nothing like the power of Grandmother's voice, nothing like a well-aimed kick from my father's foot to my chest to make me stumble back. The bear's ire was all bluster and blow, so long as he stayed chained to that wall.

"I didn't know why I was so scared of you, but now it makes sense," I shouted back at him, replacing fear with outrage. My hand slipped from the cat, but I didn't need his comfort now. "And I don't need to be afraid because I'm not helpless!"

Green light flared to my palms as magic answered my call.

The bear scraped at the stones in front of him, sparks rising in the wake of his claws and reflecting in the hateful gleam of his amber eyes.

My magic faltered as my resolve did. Gritting my teeth, I pushed through it. I'd had my baby step with Sawyer; now I needed to do this on my own.

Magic wreathed my hands as I roared my own challenge at him. And not just at him specifically, but at everyone else who had made me a victim: my grandmother, my own coven, Wystan, Alec, and everyone else who had doubted me.

I reached for the oak tree, for the strength within me. I wasn't going to strike the bear, but I had to be able to summon my magic and my courage in a fight when all I wanted to do was run away and pee myself in fright.

"Meadow, don't hurt him!" Sawyer hollered up from the bag.

The bear's ears twitched at the sound, his snarl choking off and the baleful glare in his amber eyes fizzling out.

"I have to do this!" I clamped down on the lip of the knotty hole of the oak tree and listened for its wooden pulse. "So much has been taken from me," I hissed. "I've been manipulated, deceived, patronized, robbed ."

My heart leapt when I felt the tree's pulse, and it took a mere moment to unite our rhythms. When I summoned my magic again, I wasn't tapping into a source. I was the source, at least partially, and for the first time in its miserable existence, the grizzly bear shrank away from me, lowering his head with a fearful moan.

Green vines erupted from my hands and writhed down my arms to my shoulders, sprouting thorns a second later.

"I am no one's pawn!" I screamed at the bear. I'd promised myself I wouldn't strike him, that this was just an endurance and desensitizing exercise, but I'd been afraid for long enough. Ossian said the bear had kidnapped me, after all. That deserved punishment. "Not yours, not Grandmother's, not—"

Sawyer sank his fangs into my hand.

The magic winked out as I flung my hand with a cry, dislodging the bristling tomcat. Sawyer landed with a solid thump against the stone floor, spine arched and fur bristling, his back to the bear.

"Get out of range," I shouted at him.

Without sparing a bear a look, Sawyer clawed the air between us. "That is not you , Meadow Hawthorne! That is not my witch! My witch is kind and smart and honorable and brave. She doesn't torment chained-up beasts!"

Bravery. Well, that was something I was in short supply of now that I was no longer united with my magic nor in contact with the tomcat. The wild terror that gripped me whenever I was in the presence of the grizzly was starting to return. "If I can't control myself against h-him," I said, my voice beginning to waver, "what chance do I have in Elfame? In life in general? I'll always be at someone else's mercy. I can't do that again."

"Then you find another way," Sawyer said. "You always have. You're like the Queen of Plan B, C, and D. Hurting that bear might make you feel better in this instant, but you'll regret it forever."

He padded over to me, his amber eyes bright and pleading. "Please, don't be consumed by the same hate that's eating Ossian alive. That's not living, Meadow, and you have so much life ahead of you. Don't taint it to satisfy a moment's anger." He braced his front paws on my shin. "You're not in this alone."

"If I can't do it on my own," I asked bitterly, "then what good am I?"

"Your worth is something you need to decide for yourself; no one can tell you what it is. No one else has the right to. But there is no one like you in the world, and that's something special." The tomcat rubbed his head against my knee and perked his ears, his optimism almost catching.

"Decide your heart and the rest will follow?" I asked wryly.

The little cat gave a stout nod. "Sounds like a good start."

I scooped him into my arms, hugging him so tight he squeaked. "Forget Ossian's ring," I whispered into his soft fur. "I want to be worthy of your faith in me."

He gave me one of his aggressive snuggles, mashing his head under my chin. "You already are."

I was, and I could prove it, to both him and myself. After giving the cat a brief cuddle, I eased him into the foraging bag and lifted my gaze to the bear. The old terror resurfaced once more, but I tamped it down. I might always fear him, but I would never be mindless in my fear again. I was stronger and smarter than that. And I had friends to help me when it seemed too overwhelming. It took me a few tries, a few swallows to find my voice, but I managed a clear and concise, "I'm sorry."

With that declaration, that choice, something within me shifted. Snapped. An invisible restraint had been destroyed.

The bear was eyeing me, which wasn't unusual, but what was noticeably un usual was the fact that his eyes were no longer that hateful amber. They were hazel. And… kind. I blinked, startled.

He realized the change in my perception a second after I did, and the grizzly reared back onto his haunches with an excited grunt. He'd done that exact maneuver before, when he'd had me pinned against the fireplace grate, but this time it didn't look like he was preparing to crush me. His paws were spread as if to embrace me, however impossible that was, and the grumble emanating from his chest wasn't a growl. It was a plea? An affectionate rumble? I couldn't tell, and I'd never find out, either.

For at that moment, a crack like that of a gunshot echoed across the ravine, loud enough to be heard through the thick windows. In just three sprinted steps, I had my face pressed against the glass and found Flora's wagon stopped on the bridge, the tailgate torn clean off and flowers and shrubs and pottery dashed upon the ground. The honey badger cowered in the mess, one paw raised to protect her face, as the fae king gestured to his second-in-command. The one-armed man craned his club back for another strike.

My blood boiled instantly.

"Ossian!" I bellowed.