Chapter 18

MOM:Are you and Gage on your way? Dinner is almost ready!

HAILEY SENT A QUICK “be there soon” text to her mom before pocketing her phone and locking her front door. She was just about to hop in the car to head to her mom’s on the other side of town and Gage was meeting her there for dinner. She wasn’t particularly up for dinner with Gage or her mother, but she’d been driving her crazy about it for so long and Gage was at least his original charming self in front of her parents.

He had texted her earlier in the day that he would meet her at her parents’ house, running late from work but promising to be on time. He tended to be more apologetic to Hailey’s mom than when he was running late or canceling plans with her. She used to think it was because he wanted to try harder to impress her parents, stay on their good side, but lately she found herself jealous of the charming gentleman he became in front of them, rather than the self-absorbed guy he was around Hailey.

She wondered why he bothered with her sometimes and if her parents figured into it. Her dad had a good job and would literally give her anything she asked for. She just never really asked for anything. Except maybe more chapstick. Or candy.

She blasted the music in the car and lost herself in singing to whatever came on the radio. Before she knew it, she was pulling up to her parents’ stonefront home in the fancy part of town. Her dad had worked hard her whole life and made a good living while her mom played the dutiful housewife role. Unfortunately, she was kind of stuck thinking she needed to fulfill that same role one day and pop out as many kids as she could. No, thank you.

Right as she was getting out of her car, Gage pulled up behind her on the driveway. Hailey would think good timing if she was excited to see anyone on the roster for tonight. At this point, she felt like her relationship with Gage was hanging on by a thread and she wasn’t positive anymore about what she was hanging on to. She was definitely over his shit, but breaking up with him was a bit scary. It didn’t help she hated confrontation, plus she had her compulsive need to be such a people pleaser.

Part of her felt like nothing better was on the horizon. Would Gage really be so bad to settle with? Maybe. Maybe not. When an image of Avery popped into her head she shook it out, reminding herself Avery didn’t feel that way about her, and he was already talking to some other woman. Taking a deep breath and steeling herself for her approaching boyfriend, she decided to give him another chance.

Gage gave her his winning smile as he stepped out of the car in his flawless suit from work, having removed his jacket at least so he wasn’t too overdressed for dinner at her parents’ house. She used to think he was so handsome, but she was starting to get CW villain vibes from him with his slicked-back hair and all his high-maintenance tendencies. He took twice as long to get ready as her and he was late a lot.

He shut his door before going to his back door and pulling out a bouquet of flowers. A beautiful mix of roses, lilies, carnations and some other pretty things she didn’t recognize. Her heart skipped for a moment because it had been forever since he brought her flowers.

“Hey, babe,” he called out to her as he shut his back door and started his way up the driveway toward her.

“Hey! Flowers?” she asked tentatively with a smile on her face.

“Yeah! They’re for your mom. I know she loves them.”

Hailey tried not to let the disappointment show on her face and she must have succeeded because Gage’s face showed no reaction. She couldn’t remember the last time he brought her flowers.

“Oh, how sweet of you. She’ll be so excited.” When he reached her, he gave her a quick peck on the lips and grabbed her hand, pulling her toward her parents’ front door. All she could do was picture one of her dragons showing up to throw some flaming breath at those flowers. And maybe at his face.

As they approached the porch, the door swung open. Her mom had zero chill and never had a problem making it obvious she was waiting for you.

Stepping through the doorway, Hailey could see she dressed up more than usual for the occasion, wearing a pretty blue sundress and her dark hair swept up in a fancy bun that she wouldn’t know how to replicate. She tried once, but after the fifth bobby pin stabbed her in the head while already spending fifteen minutes on the style, Hailey had had enough.

“Finally! You’re here! I’m so glad. Gage, let me see you!” She went right up to Gage and placed her hands on his cheeks, taking him in for a moment, before pulling him into a big hug and then leaving a kiss on his cheek. Hailey tried not to roll her eyes but luckily her mom was so wrapped up in Gage she wouldn’t have noticed anyway.

“Good to see you Mrs. Williams, it’s been too long. You look fantastic!” Gage exclaimed to her mom who was now beaming. Then he held up the flowers for her. “I brought these for you. Thanks for having me for dinner.”

“Aren’t you the charmer? They’re gorgeous! Just like my grandchildren will be if you make an honest woman of my daughter.” Gag.

Finally, she turned to Hailey and gave her a lazy half hug with a kiss on the cheek. “Hey sweetie, come on in. Dinner is just about ready.”

Hailey took a deep breath before following Gage and her mom into the house. They walked through the main foyer and made their way to the expansive kitchen that had way too much food spread everywhere.

“Geez, mom, how much food did you make?”

“Well I figured you two could take home all the leftovers you want. It was no trouble at all!”

Hailey summoned all her strength not to scoff out loud at that. Whenever her mom cooked, it was a stressful experience. She would complain about no one helping her but then lose her mind if someone tried to help and didn’t do things perfectly. After a while, Hailey and her dad stopped offering to help, which just pissed her off more. So, she was sure it was actually plenty of trouble.

The sound of footsteps coming down the stairs drew her attention as she zoned out of whatever Gage was saying to his mom.

“Hey, there’s my girl! How are you, Hailey?” her dad exclaimed as he stepped off the stairway into the kitchen. Hailey reached him and fell into a big bear hug. “How’s that book coming?”

She gave her dad a big squeeze before letting go to answer him. “Great, so far! I’m on pace to finish in another month I think.”

Her dad gave her a proud smile and it helped settle Hailey’s nerves. “Well, I can’t wait to read it.” His attention turned to Gage who was approaching from his other side.

“Mr. Williams, good to see you again. How’s that golf swing coming?”

The first time Gage and Hailey’s dad met, it was a little testy. Her dad had grilled him with all kinds of questions about his work and tried to intimidate him. But, then Gage brought up golf and her dad fell in line with Gage’s charm. He wasn’t as pushy about marrying him as her mom was, but they were on better terms than when they started. It helped that Gage was able to get her dad into that exclusive country club for a round of golf that ended up winning him over.

Hailey zoned out from their conversation and turned her attention to some of the food that was spread out on the kitchen table. She went to grab a roll out of the bread basket when her mom brought her out of her daze.

“Don’t overdo it on bread. You don’t need all those carbs, Hailey.”

She looked at the rest of the food on the table: ravioli, baked ziti and two baskets filled with dinner rolls.

“There’s nothing but carbs on this table. Would you prefer me to munch on the grass outside?”

“I didn’t say you couldn’t have any, just don’t overdo it, Hailey,” she said under her breath so Gage and her dad couldn’t hear. Hailey took another deep breath and realized she would need to access some of those coping strategies she discussed with Marley to get through dinner tonight.

After her mom found a big vase for Gage’s dumb flowers and placed them somewhere prominent, they sat down at the table and started to fill their plates. Conversation flew from one topic to another but mostly focused on Gage and his work, or Gage and his family, or Gage and his golf game, or Gage and blah blah blah who the fuck cares?

Okay, so maybe she was moving into “I’m definitely dumping him” territory.

Hailey stayed pretty quiet during the dinner, chiming in only when people talked to her directly, which barely happened thanks to her mom and Gage dominating the conversation. Her dad was fixated on his plate filled with all the Italian food it could fit.

When she reached for a second helping of ravioli, her mom nudged her arm and not so quietly said, “Hailey, you don’t need anymore ravioli. You need to watch your figure.”

Her resolve was wearing thin and she was finding it harder and harder to fake her smiles when people were making her feel less than. She decided not to stay quiet anymore.

“Why, what’s wrong with my figure, Mom?” Hailey said while leveling a glare at her.

Her mom’s eyes widened a bit before narrowing. “Nothing at all, but we need to keep it that way! You don’t want to gain any weight and lose the interest of your man over there.”

Gage was smart for once and didn’t say anything, but Hailey couldn’t help it.

“Oh, do you think he won’t love me anymore if I gain a few pounds? I thought you wanted me to have kids, Mom.” She was really playing with fire now, and her blood was running hot. She turned to Gage, “Gage, will you still love me if I gain some weight while having your children?”

“That’s what hall passes are for, right?” Gage said before remembering where he was. Hailey guessed the idea of her gaining weight threw him off so much that he forgot to stay charming in front of her parents. Luckily for him, her parents didn’t seem to know what he meant by a hall pass, being able to cheat on your partner, so he kept going. “I mean, of course I would still love you if you gained weight.”

Hailey thought back to a conversation they had a few months ago when she showed him that picture of her where she was just a bit heavier in college. He made it clear: he never would have asked her out if she still looked like that.

As insecure as Hailey was about her weight—likely thanks to her mother—she wasn’t so insecure to realize she deserved to be loved if she gained weight while bearing someone’s damn child, let alone at all. If Gage was trying to convince her she’d be better off single, he was actually doing a pretty good job of it. And her mom was actually helping!

While growing up, there was a lot of competition among her mother’s family. There were a lot of women and for some reason they all cared very much about image, which was odd because none of them were particularly confident in themselves. Hailey was constantly being compared to her cousin Marie who was two years younger than her but had married a plastic surgeon a few years back. They had two beautiful children and her mother always managed to bring her up in conversation.

Ironically, whenever she had private conversations with Marie all they did was complain about their partners. Marie made the mistake of marrying for looks and money more than love and she was feeling the effects of that these days. Who could have predicted such a thing? She didn’t want to settle like that and be with a guy when they didn’t share a deep lo—oh fuck.

That thought numbed her for a moment. Was that what she was doing with Gage? Settling for money and looks? How could she not see it before? Marie was fucking miserable, and wasn’t Hailey just as miserable with Gage? Well, shit.

After all that, Hailey was gathering the nerve to fight back a bit at dinner. “Hear that, Mom? He’ll still love me,” she said as she put three more ravioli on her plate. After the tension shift in the room, Gage tried to bring it back to something more positive.

“Everything is delicious, Mrs. Williams. I really love the meatballs. Are those beef or turkey?”

Hailey took the opportunity to zone back out and enjoy what was left on her plate. The meatballs were obviously beef and she knew Gage knew. She could feel her patience wearing thin and decided to focus on her breathing like Marley said. In for four seconds, hold for seven, out for eight. Chewing her ravioli made that a little more difficult but she worked with it and eventually she felt herself calm down. She couldn’t wait to tell Marley about successfully using breathing exercises to keep herself from throwing a ravioli at her mother’s face.

After the leftovers were all wrapped up and the table was cleared, Hailey’s dad offered to play Gage in a game of pool down the basement. So much for a quick exit, she thought.

She helped her mom wash the dishes and waited for the grilling to start. Not so shockingly, it didn’t take long.

“Hailey, I don’t know why you give me so much grief when I’m just looking out for you. Men like Gage can have any woman they want so you have to stay beautiful for them. He’s handsome, has his own house, goes to church with his mother, he has a great job and he can support you. His family is Italian and he can cook. What else could you possibly want?”

She took a deep breath before answering with something she knew would just be ignored anyway. “I dunno, Mom. How about someone who loves me for me and will love me no matter what? Gage has made it clear he wouldn’t still love me if I gained weight. He doesn’t let me be myself in front of his friends. He doesn’t put me first, ever.”

Her mom gave her a patronizing look before doing what she did best: destroying Hailey. “You can’t have it all Hailey. You need to pick what will be good for you in the long run and Gage can support you in the long run. It’s not like you”re some supermodel that can get any guy she wants. Where are you going to find a man that can support you the way he can that will want to be with an aspiring author? You’re wasting your time on a hobby when you should be focused on your future. You’re almost thirty and your child-bearing years are running out.”

It’s odd when you know something is coming, you can’t quite stop it, it’s not even something you haven’t heard before, and it still leaves you completely deflated. In her mother’s world, people only had value if they were model-thin and beautiful. She wasn’t sure if her mom ever called her beautiful. She certainly couldn’t tell you the last time it happened.

The thoughts racing through her head stopped on a quote she saw recently in one of her online support groups for mental health. It said, “Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, surrounded by assholes.” Sigmund Freud had said it, apparently, and it was sounding off in her head at the moment. Of course, she was medically diagnosed with depression.

The question was, what was she going to do knowing she was, in fact, surrounded by assholes?