Chapter 27

While Ronin took his sister to her first therapy appointment, I stayed behind at his place and unpacked.

Wait. I guess it was our place now.

Things were moving at lightning speed and yet, this wasn’t much different than our day-to-day life or living with him on the road. He was always in my personal space anyway.

Except, now we exchanged hot morning kisses. And cum. And we held hands.

I loved that. All of it.

God, listen to yourself.I sounded like Brodie and Holls.

Not that that was a bad thing. Just unexpected.

I mean, I’ve loved Ronin all my life. First as my best friend, then, as the man I wanted more than anyone else. I didn’t think I could feel any more for him.

But I was so wrong.

Because after last night, I was ready to do something I’ve never, ever done. Yup, I was ready to write that fucking rock ballad. Me. I probably had gigantic heart eyes that everyone could see.

Fuck it. I was too happy to care what anyone else thought.

Just as I was opening my second suitcase, I heard a phone buzz. Shit, it was mine. I’d all but forgotten about it for the past day or so. I searched the room and finally located it in the jeans I had on yesterday. When I glanced at the screen, I saw my brother’s name.

“Hey bro, what’s up?” I answered.

“What’s up? Are you kidding me? Are you okay?”

“Of course, why?”

“Dude, your face and Ronin’s is all over the news, not to mention that guy who attacked you. I’ve been texting like crazy and worried out of my mind.”

Shit, I’d been so caught up with Ronin and his sister, I forgot to warn my own family. I probably had dozens of frantic voicemails and texts.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry. I better call Mom and Dad, too,” I paused and ran a hand over my face. “I’m fine. Ronin is too. Well, he was cut and had stitches, and I have a bruise on my face, but we’re okay. It’s Ciara we’re worried about. That asshole who attacked us was her boyfriend. He’s been abusing her.”

“Oh no. Where is she now?”

“Ronin just took her to a therapy appointment. She’s going to stay with us for a while. The guy’s a cop, so she’s frightened as hell and doesn’t want to go back to New York.”

“No doubt. I’m glad she’s staying with you guys. Are you living with Ronin now?”

“Um—”

Oops.

“Yeah. Well, I think. I mean, temporarily. I’m here for now. Or longer? I don’t know.”

“Faise?”

“Yeah?”

“You sound drunk? Are you sure you’re all right?”

Drunk? Maybe on love. And dick. But definitely not from alcohol. But maybe I needed a drink for this conversation.

“Not drunk, but Ronin and I…we—” Holy fuck, I was shaking now, barely able to hold my phone. “We slept together. I mean, it’s more than that. You know how I feel about him.”

There was a pause on the other end of the line.

“I do know. You’ve loved him since you were ten. And now, it’s more? I’m so happy for you guys! Finally.”

“Really? I thought you’d tell me this was nuts.”

“Are you kidding? The way he looks at you like you’re the only thing in the world? Not to mention all the touching and calling you ‘boo’? I mean, I know friends can be affectionate, but still. Anyone with eyes knows what’s going on with you two. Mom and Dad called it years ago.”

“What?”

“Sure. Nana and Dada too.”

“Okay, then,” I laughed, relieved. “Now enough about me, how’re you doing?”

“I’m good. I’m sleeping better and working out again. And of course, I’m talking to my sponsor every day.”

I needed to check in with mine. My urges hadn’t spiked dangerously, despite the stress of the past few days. But I wouldn’t take chances. Just when I think my addiction is behind me, that’s the moment the sneaky bastard comes for me again.

“The paps still follow me occasionally, but not like before,” Rae added. “And I’ve got a few job interviews coming up in July. I thought, before then, I might take a trip down to see you. If that’s okay? If I’m not interrupting.”

“Of course. We’d love that! Next week? We’re heading out on tour beginning of June to start our US leg, but you’re welcome to join us. Pretty sure Ciara will head out with us, too.”

“You’re sure?”

“You’re family, of course, I’m sure. I’ll ask Bibi if she can arrange your travel.”

“That would be awesome. I’ll see you soon, then. And call Mom and Dad so they don’t worry.”

“Doing that now. Love you, Rae.”

“Love you too, Faise.”

I tapped end and then tapped on my parents’ number. One ring later, and my mom answered.

“Faisel Douglas Reed, it’s about time you called us back! We’ve been worried sick since we saw you on the news!”

Mom pulling out my full name (Douglas? Total cringe) was a sign that I was in deep shit. I felt like a naughty teenager again.

Then I glanced over at the messy state of Ronin’s bed. Naughty was the least of it.

“Sorry, but between the police and the hospital, and talking with our PR team and lawyers, it’s been crazy.”

“What happened? Is everyone okay? Who is this Dallas Bledsoe?”

“Ciara’s boyfriend. Now ex. He was threatening her, Ronin intervened, and things escalated. Thank fuck I went after him. Who knows what would have happened if?—”

An enormous lump filled my throat, making it impossible to swallow. I couldn’t think about ‘what if’s’.

“But we’re good,” I continued. “Ciara’s still in shock, though. Dallas has been abusing her for months. She was acting strange, and when we finally met up with them, Ronin and I knew something was wrong. Don’t think he ever expected this, though.”

“Is she still with Ronin?”

“Yeah, we’re all at his house. It’s not a good idea for her to be alone just yet. Their mom flew down yesterday.”

“Well, that’s good. I’m glad Callie is there. And you are too. You sound different, honey? Are you sure you’re fine?”

“I am,” I cleared my throat. “Me and Ronin, we’re together.”

“Of course, you are. It’s always been that way.”

“No, I mean, together, together. As in, a couple.”

A sharp inhale on the other end of the line was followed by silence.

“Mom?”

“I knew it! I didn’t know when, but I knew it would happen! Are you happy, honey?”

Was I happy?

I walked over to the bed and flopped down on it like a starfish. Everything felt unreal.

“I don’t think I have enough words, Mom.”

“You finally told him.”

“It’s been eating at me for so long. I never imagined—” I was getting choked up and I placed a hand over my eyes. “I almost can’t believe it.”

“I always knew you loved him. But I worried that he didn’t feel the same way. Or, that he didn’t want anything more than friendship. You were both so set on being single forever. That’s what you said. I never believed you, but given Ronin’s family history?—”

“I know.”

Would Ronin change his mind? He wouldn’t. Right?

A sudden tightness in my chest had me sitting up. But I wouldn’t let that fear ruin what was turning out to be the best thing that had ever happened to me.

“I’m going to take it day by day. I can’t worry about what might happen in the distant future. That kind of anxiety is what triggers my addiction.”

“You’re both older now, and hopefully, wiser. Just remember, there’s going be a period of adjustment. Be patient with him. And yourself.”

“I’ve been patient for years, that’s not the problem. I worry, he’ll change his mind.”

“It’s scary, all the unknowns, but you know what feels right. Trust in that. And in him. I know he loves you, but if he’s never been in a relationship before, there’s going to be growing pains. I suspect that ever since his father left, he’s afraid to put his whole heart out there. I can’t imagine how he felt, losing his dad like that. Ronin puts on a good show, but he’s just like you. Sensitive. And you’re going to need to be mindful of that. Don’t be surprised if at some point, he pushes away.”

“No matter what, he’s it for me,” I confessed. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Spoken just like your father,” Mom chuckled. “I was the same, you know. I fell hard and fast for your dad, but I was scared. I was always torn between doing what my parents wanted, what was expected, and what I wanted as an individual. Your dad wasn’t the man my parents wanted me to marry. Even though I was born in New York, my parents held firm to their cultural traditions, and your dad and I were very different. And I worried about that. How would it affect our daily life? If we had children? There were so many questions and worries in my head that I almost changed my mind.”

“What? I didn’t know all this.”

“It’s not something I wanted anyone, outside of your dad, to know. It wasn’t my love that was in question, it was everything else that came along with it. Falling is one thing. Living a life together, well, that’s a far more complex reality.”

It was. And being in the public eye didn’t help either.

I could picture the headlines now. As soon as the press latched on to our relationship, they’d be plotting our demise. After all, that’s what kept the tabloids going. There would always be stories, and rumors about someone we were spotted with. I did my best to ignore that shit now, but no doubt, some of that stuff got to me. And there was pressure too. If we hit a bump, how would that affect our music? The future of the band?

“It’s a lot. And given our celebrity, there’s going to be scrutiny on the two of us. I mean, given that we’re rockstars, there’s always trolls we have to deal with. Hateful bullshit because we’re gay. And then, sometimes, I don’t know if I’m the best thing for him. My addiction is never going away. What if I relapse? Is it fair to put him through that?”

“That’s a question you need to ask him,” my mom sighed. “Those conversations are tough, honey, but you have to do it. If you love him and you want to be with him, you can’t keep those thoughts to yourself. You tend to keep things bottled up, but you can’t. Not with Ronin. Not if you love him.”

She was right. I’d done that for so long, and it didn’t do me any good.

Like any first time—on stage, coming out, admitting my failings, falling in love—my nerves were riding high. But on the other side there was honesty, being true to myself. And what didn’t kill me, made me stronger.

I needed to be that. For me and for Ronin.