Chapter 105

ONE HUNDRED FIVE

Stacey thanked goodness she wasn’t returning to an empty house.

She’d texted Devon that she was leaving the station, and her wife had replied with emojis of a bath and a wine glass.

Perfect.

She and Devon discussed their work lives at length, and she knew Devon would want to know everything about the case that had caused the team to make the national news. Everyone had their own way of dusting the case from themselves and for her it was to blurt it all out, expel it to Devon, and then she was done. It somehow evaporated in the air between them.

‘Hey, babe, good day?’ Devon asked with a smile.

Stacey laughed. The day had been forty hours long.

As keen as she was to rid herself of the case, there was something else that had somehow infiltrated her heart without warning.

Every time she had thought of the children involved in the case, both the donor child who had lost her life and the one now fighting for hers, a feeling she couldn’t describe had pierced her heart. It was a kind of intense longing, almost like a sickness. She’d imagined the emotions of both sets of parents, the despair and the hope, and she’d been able to feel the intensity of the emotion: that unconditional love for your own child. She wanted it, and she hadn’t even known it until today.

‘You ready for a nice long soak?’ Devon asked, stepping towards the bathroom.

She wasn’t. Not yet. The thoughts had been burning in her all day, and she had to get the words out. Had to know where they stood on the subject.

She sat down on the couch.

‘Dee, I need to talk to you. I want kids. I know we’ve never really discussed it, but I want them. I want?—’

‘Hey, babe, slow down,’ Devon said, placing her hand on Stacey’s arm.

Disappointment surged through her. ‘You don’t want kids with me?’

‘You’ve just walked in the door after a long, bloody hard case. You’re exhausted, emotional, relieved. Now is not the time to be making lifelong decisions.’

Sounded like avoidance to her.

‘You don’t want kids with me?’ she repeated, swallowing down the hurt.

Devon rolled her eyes. ‘As if that’s even a serious question. The idea of bringing a child into our lives when we have so much love to give is a no-brainer. I’d love to increase our family and share everything that we’ve built.’

Relief flooded through her as a tear escaped out of her eye. Devon was right: she was tired and emotional, but her heart knew what her heart knew.

‘I mean I’m not saying we should do it next week,’ Stacey clarified. ‘I know there’d be a lot to discuss, especially in our situation, like how and when and who would stay home and…’

‘I’m ready whenever you are,’ Devon said with a smile, and Stacey finally allowed herself to be guided to a warm, relaxing bath.