Chapter Fourteen

Saturday, June 29th

I spent most of the night listening to a lecture. Nolan told me that while he was beyond proud of me, he was upset that I had been forcing myself to stand because that could possibly disrupt my healing process, and if I fell, I'd have no way of getting to the phone to let him know.

The next morning when I woke up, I was in a vice grip. The kind of grip that said I don't trust you enough to not try to walk to your chair.

So I laid there and stared at the ceiling for another twenty minutes until he woke up. And when he did, he brushed his lips against my neck, his hair tickling my face.

My frustration at being semi-restrained went away and I smiled. He loosened the grip around my waist and pressed his lips a little harder against my neck. I felt something weird happening inside of me as he gently rubbed his hand across my waist, before throwing the blankets off of us.

Six days ahead of schedule, I had my first physical experience with the man that I loved. It was awkward because he did his best not to hurt me (the femur situation mostly) and because he insisted that I stay on my back. It didn't particularly last very long and it wasn't particularly spectacular, but it was with Nolan and that made it absolutely perfect.

We laid there breathing heavily and slightly sweat covered. He had me pulled close to him as we stared at the ceiling, and I did my best to put my new, nagging femur pain in the back of my mind.

"Wow," he finally said.

I laughed.

"Thank you," he said.

"For what?" I asked, turning my head to look at him.

"For being you. I don't think I've ever thanked you for that. I swear I wouldn't trade a day with you for anything in the world. And, no, that's not the after sex talking," he replied with a chuckle. But then he grew serious.

"There's something I have to confess."

"Okay."

He let out a sigh, "Remember how I told you that I fell in love with you when I saw that picture of you holding Liam and hugging Stella?"

I nodded.

"Well, before that, your parents were telling us about your condition and I… I didn't want to do it. I didn't want to go to their house, and I didn't want to even try to be your friend. I had never had a friend in your situation, and I was worried I was either going to say something stupid or hurt your feelings in some way. I think Aaron could see it as it settled on my face; the refusal. That's why he pulled out the pictures. To show me that just because you were in a wheelchair, you weren't any less normal.

"So when he took out his wallet and the cascade of pictures came flying out, I was intrigued. I took his wallet and went through the pictures like I told you before, but my mind hadn't changed until I saw that picture.

"Your big, proud, awkward smile and the way you were holding a newborn Liam and still making Stella feel loved… I had to meet the beautiful girl with the big heart," he finished wistfully.

I didn't say anything. Partly because there was nothing to say and partly because I didn't know what to say.

Nolan had seen me as everyone else had at first. A girl in a wheelchair who probably needed around-the-clock care.

"Please tell me that you didn't feel bad for me," I finally said.

"No. I didn't."

"Good. Thank you."

We were silent for a few moments when he turned on his side.

He brushed my hair off of my face and behind my ear. I smiled as he looked into my eyes and ran his finger down the side of my face.

"Can I tell you what I want for my birthday now?"

I raised my eyebrows and waited.

"What I want is for you to be my wife. On my birthday. When our family is here, I want to make it official."

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to scream yes, I really did, but I couldn't get over the fact that he really didn't want to have anything to do with me at first.

"Well? Do you want to go from Ms. East to Mrs. Ransom on Friday? Or Mrs. East-Ransom?" he asked, making a goofy face.

"Mrs. Ransom will do just fine," I answered softly.

"Good. I was hoping so," he said happily as he climbed out of the bed.

The rest of the day followed The Routine. I waited in bed while he showered. When he was done he came to get me and help me into the bath chair. As per usual, he sat down next to the tub and began to flip through magazines.

He sighed when the phone rang and got to his feet.

"I'll be right back. Just holler if you need anything," he said through the shower curtain.

"I'm just showering. I doubt anything earth-shattering will happen while you're gone," I teased.

Nolan laughed as he walked out of the bathroom.

As I shampooed my hair, I started to feel warm again, followed by a pain flare-up. I put a hand to my side and winced as the pain slowly started to become more prominent.

I took labored breaths and tried to ignore it as I started to desperately wash the shampoo out of my hair.

"Nolan?" I asked through clenched teeth.

No response. He was still on the phone.

"Ow!" I whined quietly, as the pain shot through to my other side.

I pulled the curtain back and turned myself in the chair. I put my hands on the sides of the tub and began to pull myself out.

Something was terribly wrong and for the first time in my life, I wanted help. And I wanted it more than anything I had ever wanted before.

"Nolan?" I said a little louder.

I heard him laughing on the phone. I managed to pull myself onto the rug on the bathroom floor and I grabbed the magazine he had left on the floor, flinging it as hard as I could through the open door.

"What the hell? Hey, I'll call you back," I heard him say as he replaced the receiver.

"Jane?" he asked, making his way back to the bathroom.

I lay my head on the rug and tilted my face toward the door. I saw his sneakers come around the corner. I saw them stop and then I saw them pick up speed as he flew into the bathroom and picked me up in his arms.

"I'm sorry," I managed to whisper as another shock of pain went through me.

"You're going to be okay. I'm gonna call the ambulance right now," he said in a shaky voice.

He laid me down on the living room couch and reached over the coffee table to get his cell phone off of the entertainment center.

My vision was starting to blur as the exquisite pain began to control every last part of me.

"Hello? I need help! My wife, she has kidney problems and leg problems and… I found her on the bathroom floor almost passed out. Please just send someone!" he yelled desperately into the phone.

The operator said something to him. He yelled something back in frustration.

Funny how all things audible are now going away.

Nolan ran from the room and came back with a dress. I knew it was because he didn't want me to be embarrassed about being naked when the paramedics arrived and because he didn't want to move me more than he had to.

I saw a blob hovering over me, so I closed my eyes. I knew it was him, but I wasn't able to see him properly and it scared me.

Vision leaving; check.

My kidneys were obviously in shut-down mode. I remembered reading online that when your kidneys shut down all types of neat things happen. You can't speak; you lose your vision and hearing.

They were done working and I was starting to lose consciousness.

I felt tears rolling down the sides of my face. It wasn't because I was scared; it was because I was tired. Tired of fighting, tired of trying to be normal, tired of trying to be everything that I wasn't.

I closed my eyes and hoped that of all the things in the world that could possibly happen, that I would at least get to see my grandparents when it was all said and done. Hoping that the pain would finally go away.

And hoping that the kids wouldn't miss me too terribly.