Chapter Twelve

Three months later, I was sitting out in our backyard, watching Nolan doing some yard work. When our parents said that we had our own place, they failed to mention that it was a house; a bungalow with a wide front porch and acres of property.

As he turned the riding mower around and began to make another pass, I had to admit that I was absolutely impressed with him. He had taken on the responsibility of taking me to dialysis; always arriving twenty minutes early and sitting with me through the entire thing. He also kept up his holistic treatments on me, faithfully.

His twenty-third birthday was next Friday, and I had already plotted and schemed with our families to throw him a party. I didn't know how he would react to it, but he had done so much for me that I wanted to give him one day of being a "normal" person. One day of not having to take care of someone else. One day where I would get to take care of him.

I know this sounds odd when I say it, but he had definitely grown into a man in the time that we lived together away from our parents.

He worked a full-time job close to home, so that if I ever needed him or if there was an emergency of some kind, he wouldn't be far away.

After his hard days of contracting work—Daddy managed to get him a job with a notable company in Morningside—he would still find the strength to help me get into the bathtub and into bed at night.

The bathing thing was particularly odd to me considering that I was still a virgin. If he was or was not, I never asked, because I liked to believe that we would be each other's first everything one day. Anyway, I wasn't a virgin by my choosing. I think it was a combination of things. Him being tired most of the time, my being in a wheelchair, and of course, a touch of ESRD. Throw in his fear of further fracturing my femur and I was pretty certain that I would be dying an unsexed, kidney failing, brittle-boned, chair bound champion. Again, not by choice.

But, as I watched his sweaty body glistening in the hot afternoon sun, my hormones reminded me to call my Orthopedist and my Nephrologist. I was bound and determined to make his twenty-third birthday as memorable as possible.

I turned my chair around and rolled through the back door to let myself in. Luckily, the kitchen wasn't far from the door, so I was able to quickly retrieve his gallon jug of cold water and take it back out to him in no time.

"Thanks, Janey," he said with a tired smile.

"You're welcome," I replied. "Why don't you take a break? Come sit with me in the shade."

He nodded and took a big swig of his water while he followed me across the yard, to the lone and quite large maple tree. It was the only tree in our yard and we both loved the damn thing almost as much as we loved each other.

Underneath the tree were two reclinable lawn chairs. There was also a hammock that he hadn't set up yet. Partially because he was afraid that by some act of God, it would snap and fall with both of us in it and cause my untimely demise.

He yawned loudly as he laid down and closed his eyes. Almost immediately, he opened his eyes and gave me a sheepish grin.

"Sorry," he said as he started to push himself up.

I gave him a playful shove back into his chair.

"With as hard as this may be to believe, I am capable of lifting myself into that chair," I said dryly.

"I don't mind doing it," he replied quickly, pushing himself up again.

"Nolan, if you get out of that chair to help me, I swear you'll be talking to yourself for the next few days," I warned, leaning down to lock the wheels—my father had the new locks installed shortly after my spill at PPG.

I leaned toward the recliner chair as he held it in place, and I pulled myself out of my wheelchair and into the recliner. I winced a little at the pain of dropping into it, before I straightened out my legs and leaned back.

"So, have you thought about what you want for your birthday?" I asked conversationally.

He took another swig of water.

"Um, no. I honestly haven't thought about it."

I rolled my eyes. Of course he hadn't. He was too busy working and then coming home to work some more.

The house phone rang, interrupting our brief conversation and he moved to get up.

"Stay there. I can answer it," I said, reaching for my chair.

"Jane, it's not a big deal," he replied.

"Exactly. So you stay there and let me get it," I said, pulling myself into my chair and unlocking the wheels.

"Hey," he said, as I started to turn the chair.

I looked at him and raised an eyebrow. He reached for me and rolled me within inches of him.

"I love you," he whispered simply.

I smiled shyly, "I love you too."

"How did I get so lucky?" he asked, before leaning forward and kissing me. It was his gentle and I would like to think world renowned, I-don't-know-what-I'd-do-without-you kiss, before pulling away and letting me roll into the house.

I managed to grab the phone just as the answering machine clicked on.

"Hello?" I asked breathlessly.

"Jane?" It was Dr. Bright, my Orthopedist. I liked him a lot. The fact that his last name was Bright only made him that much more likable.

"Hey, Dr. Bright!"

"I've got some good news for you," he said cheerfully. "The iron and calcium supplements we've been having you take are strengthening your femur. The pain you've been feeling should be going away fairly soon."

"That's great news!" I said enthusiastically.

"Well, I just wanted to let you know and to tell you to keep up the good work!"

"Wait, Dr. Bright? There's something I want to ask you," I said nervously.

"Sure," he said.

Well, here goes nothing.

"Am I strong enough… would it be possible for me to… um… engage in… activities?" I asked, stumbling over my words.

"Well, I'm sure there are a number of things you can do while your bones strengthen. What kind of particular activity did you have in mind?" Dr. Bright asked pleasantly.

"Nolan's birthday is next week, and I wanted to…," my voice trailed off.

"OH! Oh I see! I honestly wouldn't suggest it until your bones have healed. If you'd like to come in tomorrow, we can do a couple of tests and see what, if anything, you'd be able to do for that activity," he said kindly.

Tomorrow was Friday, so Nolan would be at work, which meant that I could take the bus to the doctor's office and do my tests without him knowing.

"That would be fine, Dr. Bright. What time tomorrow?" I asked.

"I'll transfer you to the nurse and you can work out a good time with her. I'll see you tomorrow, Jane," he said before transferring me.

I hung up the phone five minutes later. I was set for a nine a.m. appointment with Dr. Bright.

I spun my chair around and screamed. Nolan was leaning against the kitchen counter giving me a tired smile.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I just came in because the heat was making me more tired," he said, punctuating his sentence with a yawn. "I didn't mean to eavesdrop either, but why do you need to go see Dr. Bright tomorrow?"

"You know that nuclear blast of iron and calcium that he keeps giving me? Apparently it's doing good things in the femur department."

"That's awesome!" he said happily.

"Between you and me, I feel like I can do just about anything," I said with a grin.

"I'm sure you can, Janey. Now all we need is a phone call from Dr. Kowalski saying that they've either found some kidneys for you or that your kidneys are healing, and I'll be the happiest man in the world."

"I planned on calling her today," I replied, rolling my eyes.

He wasn't going to be happy until I was one hundred percent better, even though he knew that my personal best had always been eighty-five percent.

"Don't be mad at me, Janey. I just hate that you got worse because of me," he said quietly.

I took a deep breath and mustered all the patience that I possibly could.

"Nolan, I'm not mad. You have to understand that my having ESRD is ultimately my own fault. I chose not to have the surgery and so the infection spread. My fault; not yours. Me falling down the steps at PPG? Accident; no one's fault. I need you to stop blaming yourself for shit that you did not do."

He cleared his throat but didn't say anything. Instead, he looked like an angry little boy that had just been scolded.

And I couldn't help but laugh.

He reminded me of Liam when Mom or Dad would say the magical words, "time out."

Suddenly, he walked past me and grabbed the phone. I moved to the side to give him space, but he pulled me back toward him.

"Yes, hi. This is Nolan Ransom; I was looking for Dr. Kowalski please." He paused for a moment. "Right, in regards to Jane East."

"What are you doing?" I asked quietly.

He held up a hand before he spoke into the phone again, "Hi Dr. Kowalski. It's Nolan. Yeah I have her here with me. I'm gonna put you on speaker, hold on."

He hit the button and placed the phone on the small island in the kitchen.

"Okay, we're here," he said.

"Hello, Jane! How are you feeling?" Dr. Kowalski asked.

"I'm fine. I'm so sorry if we bothered you. We were just wondering if there's any news," I said.

"Unfortunately we haven't heard from the NKF yet. I also haven't gotten your last test results back," she said apologetically.

"Oh. Okay. Sorry again for bothering you," I said dejectedly.

"Dr. Kowalski, there was something else that I think Jane wanted to ask you," Nolan said, grabbing onto my chair again.

"Shoot Jane," she said kindly.

I looked at him questioningly.

"I told you that I didn't mean to eavesdrop," he said lowering his voice and covering the receiver, "But I heard what you asked Dr. Bright."

My face drained of color, and I felt completely embarrassed. He walked around behind me and put his arms around my shoulders. Resting his chin on my shoulder, he gave me a soft kiss on the neck.

"I love you, no matter what. You know that, don't you? I don't want you to hurt yourself for something you think I need or deserve or whatever your reason is."

"Hello?"

I pulled away from him and grabbed the phone. I took Dr. Kowalski off speaker and put the phone to my ear.

"How safe would it be for me to have sex?" I asked bluntly.

"Having ESRD doesn't affect your sex life. I know most people think it does, but it doesn't," she responded. "I would check with Dr. Bright about the femur, though."

"I already talked to him. Thanks Dr. Kowalski and sorry again for bothering you."

"My patients are never a bother," she said before hanging up.

I hung up with her and turned, putting my hand to my face for a moment. I was angry that Nolan had taken away my element of surprise, but I understood why he did it.

"Dr. Kowalski said that failing kidneys don't affect the sex life. Dr. Bright is going to run some tests on me tomorrow to see if my bones are strong enough. I'm gonna go take a nap now. Suddenly I have a massive headache," I grumbled wheeling past him.

I decided to take my angry nap on the living room couch.

Nolan decided to follow me.

I pulled myself onto the couch and stretched out.

Nolan moved my wheelchair to the end of the couch.

I put an arm over my face.

Nolan grabbed and draped a sheet around me.

"Will you cut it out?" I exploded angrily.

He jumped and looked at me in surprise. I had never, in the entire time we had been together, yelled at him. Any arguments we almost had were always swayed by goofy grins or rock, paper, scissor.

"What did I do?" he asked incredulously.

"You treat me like I'm an invalid. I can't stand that! I was perfectly capable of moving the damn wheelchair and grabbing the sheet, if I wanted one to begin with," I said in frustration.

He took a deep, steadying breath and held up a fist with his eyes closed. I sighed. He was right; there was no reason to argue. Unless fate decided otherwise.

We both shook our fists three times and played our hands.

To win by rock—which he did—meant the argument was over. To win by scissor meant separate rooms. To win by paper, meant we slept in said separate rooms that night.

He sat down in his leather recliner across from me and looked at me for a moment. I was expecting another rousing game of RPS when I saw the half-smile starting to creep over his face.

"Why?" he asked curiously.

"Why what?" I asked, putting my arm back over my face.

"You know what."

I turned my head and looked at him.

"I am under the assumption, albeit possibly the wrong assumption, that you have never had… an encounter. Don't tell me if you have! I live in a rather glorious parallel universe where you haven't!" I said, raising a hand. "For some reason, my hormones have been flying out of control lately, and with your birthday being in eight days, I figured it would be an opportune time."

Nolan was quiet. He had turned his gaze away from me when I was presenting my reasons, maintaining some kind of eye lock on something outside.

"Can I go with you to your appointment tomorrow?" he finally asked without looking at me.

"If you want. I was just going to take the bus there and back."

He got up from his chair, walked over to me, and kissed my forehead.

"Take your nap, Janey. I'm gonna call my boss and tell him that I can't make it in tomorrow."