Chapter Nine

HADLEY

My feet are up on my desk as I stare out at the familiar skyline. Buildings of varying heights, creating a cutout in the sky that I love. While I lived most of my life on a farm, this city is where I feel the most like myself.

I chew on my pen cap, thinking about how in the last three days I have been very unlike myself.

I don’t do random hookups. I don’t get drunk and sleep with guys—well, at least with guys not named Cayden. I am the sensible one. The rule follower. I am not like Melanie who lives her life without regret. This is my worst trait and also sometimes my best one.

My plan today was to work from home until my meeting with Renee and Ben to discuss options on the case.

When I sat on the couch, however, I did not think about anything other than the fantastic sex I had there and then Cayden’s face as I ran off during our ride.

That man makes me crazy and I hate it.

There’s a knock on my door, but the person doesn’t wait for me to respond, it opens and then clicks closed before I can get to my feet.

When I see who is there, my heart stops. “Cayden.”

He doesn’t say anything as he moves in the room. I’m on my feet a second later, not sure what exactly is happening, but then my face is in his hands before he gives me the most crushing kiss I’ve ever experienced.

I respond without pause. My mouth opening to him, and the kiss becomes harder, more intense. My hands roam his chest, loving the tensing of his muscles beneath my touch.

He pulls back, working hard to catch his breath. “I need you. ”

I feel the same. “We…”

“I need you, Hadley. I need you.”

My heart is pounding and I want to deny him, but I have never heard the ache in his voice like I do now.

I move my hands to his cheeks, looking into his green eyes, trying to decipher what’s hidden there. He’s hurting, or something deeper, and for whatever reason, he’s here and I want to take that pain from him.

Because I am a fool who happens to want so much more from him.

I could deny him, but that would also be denying myself. Just one more time. One more kiss. One more memory to hold onto. It can’t hurt more than what is already happening.

Lie .

“I need you too,” I admit. I have thought of him for days and while I wish it were different, I ache for him.

He groans and then his mouth is on mine again. The kiss is frantic, as though we both know we’re chasing time and regrets. There’s no laughter or silliness like when we were drunk. This is pure lust.

“I am going to fuck you on this desk. I’m going to make you want to scream out, but you won’t be able to,” he promises and then turns me so my back is to his front. “I’m going to hike up this pretty skirt.” He does as promised, his hand sliding between my legs. “Pull your panties to the side so I can finger you while you imagine it’s my cock.”

I shiver, but grin because he’s about to find out the flaw to that plan real soon. He pushes me down, my face against the cool wood, and I hold onto the edge. I have dreamed of this so many times.

Cayden’s hands move higher and then I hear the hitch in his voice. “Bad girl you are.”

“Why is that?” I ask as he moves his other hand down my back.

“Because you’re not wearing any panties.”

“No. I’m not.”

He kicks my legs apart more. “Keep them like this, sweetheart.”

“Or what?”

“Or you’ll find out.”

I like this game we play. The fight for dominance. Because with Cayden, it seems to be a flaw of mine, I shift, not obeying his command. He takes a step back, the loss of his heat is immediate.

“Cayden? ”

“I told you not to move.”

“And I don’t take orders.”

He returns and his voice is rough in my ear. “If I didn’t love the sight of you like this, laid out on your desk, bare ass in the air, waiting for my touch, I’d leave right now. I’d walk out with you wet and wanting.” He pushes his finger inside of me, the pleasure taking away my protest. “You want me too much, though. You have thought about me coming here and doing this very thing to you. To make you feel good again. To show you how much you live in my damn head like I’m in yours.”

Heat fills my cheeks and I bite my lip to keep from saying anything.

Cayden twists his fingers, pushing deeper. “You like when I do this too. When I fuck you with my fingers. You’re so wet, so hot, so fucking perfect. However, we don’t have time to play games right now. Someone could walk in at any second, couldn’t they?”

His words cause my muscles to contract and I swear, I am so turned on it’s embarrassing. “Yes.”

“And do you want me to fuck you, Hadley, on your desk?”

More than I want to breathe. “Yes.”

“Good answer.”

He withdraws his fingers and I fight the urge to cry out from the loss. But I hear him release his belt and then the slide of the zipper. Cayden is at my entrance a second later and he drives deep.

I gasp as he fills me, giving no time to acclimate to his size. He pulls back, slamming into me again. I hold the edge of the desk, knuckles turning white because if I don’t, I might fly across the room from the force of his thrusts.

“I want you so much,” he admits. “Ever since we were together that first time, I have thought of this. Of you and me. I’ve imagined you a million ways.”

My legs are trembling as my orgasm builds with each word. “You’re in my head too,” I pant.

“You’re like a drug. I had a taste and now I need more.” He pulls out and then turns me to face him. Cayden lifts me on the desk, positioning me so my legs are spread open and my ass is at the edge.

He drops to his knees, licking a few times and I fall back, wanting to die right here. “Cayden, please.”

“Please what?” he asks, and then sucks my clit in his mouth.

God, I don’t even care that he’s sort of making me beg. I want him too much to care.

“Please don’t stop.” I don’t even care what he does, just as long as he doesn’t stop.

He stands again, licking his lips. “A whole security team walking in here right now couldn’t get me to stop.”

I’m jerked forward and then he’s inside of me again. We don’t say anything else, our gazes never leave the other though. What started as just a straight up fuck changed. There’s something more. Something deeper. The pace is no longer rushed, it’s slower and more deliberate. I push my heels into his ass, trying to drive him faster, but he doesn’t do it.

His hand moves to my face, running his finger down my cheek. “So beautiful.”

No, he can’t do this. “Fuck me, Cayden.”

He shakes his head. “You like it more like this.”

“I don’t.” I lie because the truth is too dangerous.

His pace doesn’t change, he moves intentionally, eyes never moving from mine. I feel too much, see too much in the depths of his gaze. That part I could deal with, it’s what I know he can see in mine. The want, desire, the feelings that for so long I have masked as anger and hatred, because it’s so much easier than love and hope.

“I think you wish you didn’t.”

Before I can look away, my orgasm rocks through me, crashing over me in waves that leave me breathless and my lungs hurting.

He follows me over the edge, pulling me to his chest. I feel the tears coming and I can’t stop them. I hate myself for this. I don’t want to cry in front of him, but I feel so raw.

Damn it.

I clamp my jaw tight and do everything I can to push my feelings aside.

His thumb brushes against my temple and the beating of his heart pounds in my ear.

“That was…”

I lift my head as the shame and self-hatred starts to build. I’m in my office. I just had sex in my freaking office. I should’ve stayed home. God, what am I doing? I’m sleeping with opposing counsel, at work, and I have to review this case today. And then I start to wonder, what the hell is this?

What are we even doing?

Cayden has never shown even a glimmer of interest until now. When his case has issues, and there is no way he can beat me. Now, suddenly, he needs me?

Am I just some part of his game to mess with my head so he can find a way to get me to cave?

These questions swirl inside of me and the contentment of feeling connected leaves and is refueled by confusion and anger.

Inhaling deeply once, I push against his chest, “You have to go.”

Cayden steps back, the loss of him feels like a punch, but I focus on cleaning up and trying to appear like I didn’t just get fucked in my office.

“Hadley?”

“Get dressed and go, please.”

He grips my arm as I start to walk away, knowing I have to spray perfume or something to get rid of the sex smell that lingers in here.

I look at the hand and then his face. “Let go of me.”

He drops his grip immediately. “What is happening here?”

“You tell me.”

“Well, from my perspective, we had incredible sex—again—and I have no idea what I did wrong. Why are you pushing me away?”

I am an intelligent girl. I have spent years learning to focus on being rational and communicating because half of what my job is just that. I have to keep emotions at bay and be logical. Right now, yeah, that’s gone.

There are nothing but emotions swimming around me and I’m not quite sure which one is going to exit my mouth now.

It could be the needy girl, who wants to ask him to hold me.

It could be the sad part of me, who needs reassurance that this isn’t just fucking.

It could be the angry girl, who believes I’m being used for a case.

Or it could be the stupid one, who asks him to come over later since Melanie is gone for a week and we do this all over again.

Please don’t be the stupid one.

“Because I don’t know what the hell we’re doing. Why now? Why are you suddenly in my office at eleven in the morning and screwing me against my desk? Why did you come to my apartment the other day or the stables? Why now, Cayden?”

He runs his fingers through his dark brown hair. “I didn’t even mean to come here today.”

My heart falls to the pit of my stomach. “Right.”

That’s the only word I’m able to mutter .

“That came out wrong,” he says quickly, taking a step toward me, but I step back. “I mean that I was in my office, going over the case, trying to imagine a way out of this, trying to think like you. If I could see your angle, maybe I could see a way to counter it. And then, I didn’t see the case. I didn’t imagine how you’d argue with me about it. I just saw you. I saw your face and your smile and the way your eyes get a little greener when you’re happy. I heard your laugh and the way you say my name.”

I shake my head, not wanting to hear all this. “You and I…we can’t be a thing. We aren’t built to be a thing. We are tinder and a matchstick that will burn the world down if we combine.”

He moves quickly, holding my upper arms in his grip. “Then let’s burn the fuck down.”

He’s not talking sense. “You can’t go from zero to one hundred in two days. This isn’t us. We don’t like each other. You’re bossy and an annoying know-it-all. I’m brilliant and no one sees it because I have tits. You probably like the Yankees because your brother plays for them. I am a Red Sox fan. I mean, that right there is reason enough. But seriously, this will never work. Not now. Not when we have to be professional, and I don’t have the luxury of screwing up.” Those stupid tears start to form, making his face blur. “So, please, I’m asking you to leave so I can pull myself together and do my damn job.”

Cayden’s hands move my face, holding it as though I’m a baby bird that’s about to fly away. I can see him warring with what to say. “Of course. However, when this case is over, no matter the outcome, we’re going to have a serious conversation.”

By then, his feelings will have righted themselves and I can go back to hating him because it’s so much easier than admitting I might love him.

“Sure. When the case is over.”

He leans in slowly, and I want to protest. I wish I was strong enough to do it, but I am weak and allow him to give me the most tender and sweet kiss. One that I know has obliterated my heart, just like the look in his eyes as everything shifted on my desk.

Cayden pulls back, much too soon, grabs his suit jacket, winks, and leaves my office.

And I sink down to the floor and cry, because I can’t hold back any longer.