CHAPTER 22

By the next morning, I had almost forgotten our steamy dance sesh. Almost. Or at least tried to. Let's be honest, it was pretty hard to forget. I mostly hung out with the girls while the boys were off doing their own thing for most of the day, which gave me some much needed reprieve. I didn't want to address the whole thing and I wasn't sure if we'd pretend it never happened. Based on his initial reaction, and how we basically ignored each immediately after, I thought that might be the case. Thought there was a chance that our friendship could potentially be ruined as a result of our slight lapse in control.

When we all eventually crossed paths around dinner time, my heart basically leapt out of my chest in fear when I spied his recognizable form heading towards us. I hated that his form had become so recognisable to me. I could probably spot it a mile away. But Griffin acted like his normal self around me. Although, he definitely had not forgotten, making casual remarks about it at every opportunity he got in typical Griffin style. I was just grateful he wasn't being weird anymore. It helped set the tone for our ongoing interactions. If he treated me differently, weirdly, I wouldn't know what I'd do; he'd become such a vital part of my life in the short time I'd been here.

As usual though, I still had no idea what exactly he wanted from me. I couldn't really blame him though since I also didn't know what I wanted from him. But where did that leave us?

???

A few days later, I got up before dawn for our regular Tuesday morning one-on-one session. We had created a bit of a schedule, doing our extra sessions every Tuesday and Thursday morning before everyone else woke up. If I had the time, I'd also add in an extra solo training or gym session throughout the week, sometimes staying up later to catch the gym when it was empty. Sleep seemed to be scarce these days, which was highly unusual for me.

He wasn't in the bathroom when I got ready which was a relief but as I got to the gym he was already warming up on the boxing bag. I may have ogled as his tight muscles rippled across his body with each contact his fist made with the bag. I knew he would have sensed my presence but he didn't stop until he got a few more punches in, likely so I had no choice but to watch.

He turned to face me, his hair falling in front of his glistening eyes. When he saw me his mouth twitched. I strode towards him.

"Morning, Supernova."

"Morning, Griff." My reply was tired. I was still feeling the effects from all the alcohol, combined with the lack of sleep from the weekend and the intense training. It's not like we could rest and recover, even if we wanted to. Training stopped for no man here—or woman.

"Sleep well?" He asked while unstrapping his gloves.

"Yeah, slept fine I guess."

"You'd sleep better after a night with me."

I rolled my eyes and mimicked him in what I thought was my best male voice. It was pathetic. And his boisterous laugh proved it, if I wasn't already aware.

"Was that your impression of me?"

"Maybe."

"That was pathetic." See.

He leaned against the rack of boxing gloves, his smile causing his eyes to twinkle. "Did you know as hunters, ones with a direct original bloodline, we have abilities beyond that of normal humans. We were made stronger, faster and with better senses—the predator to the ultimate predator. To beat them, we needed to have a fighting chance." Confusion and awe overtook me as I continued to keenly listen. "Today I'll try and show you how to use them. As a born Knight, you can access these skills, you just need to open your mind to it and break that initial barrier. You've probably always used it in some sort of way, maybe you were a bit more athletic during school or had a stronger intuition; a sixth sense." It was clear the sixth sense wasn't one of my strong suits, otherwise I may have been more aware that something was off with the wolves and got out of there sooner. But I did always feel like I kept up with the guys at boxing, and the wolves, to a certain degree. So maybe strength? Or speed?

"How is that even possible?" I questioned him.

"Nature knew it needed a rival to the wolves. They couldn't live in our world amongst humans with no consequences. So nature forced our bodies to adapt; to transform. We were gifted with abilities to help keep up." He spoke the words with so much knowledge and confidence, like the answer was obvious. "In new Knights, it might take a generation or two before the powers kick in. My grandfather, being the founder, didn't have the power, but Thea does. Likewise, Kit and Billie's parents do. But Carter was the first in his bloodline to inherit the gift."

I was eager to become in tune with these powers. "Show me."

I had always felt so very average around the wolves. But maybe I wasn't as average as I assumed. Maybe that was why I was even able to be around them—why they let me in. Maybe I wasn't as breakable as I always thought, as River always treated me. I just didn't know how to access it and he was probably aware of that too. Because if I did, I would have for sure told him. That was the type of relationship I thought we had. The key word here being ‘thought'.

Griffin explained how to locate these powers within me. "I want you to meditate for a second. Go ahead, and feel deep within your body. When you throw a punch, put intention behind it. Think about the power of your muscles as you extend your arm. Imagine it in your head before you undertake it. And when you imagine it, imagine it with five times the power. Once you master this, you'll be able to put that power behind the punch. Same goes for kicks, or any attacking move you make. Try that and then throw a jab at me."

He readied himself, taking his stance and blocking his face. We didn't have gloves on, he wanted me to get a feel for pure battle, like we would if we were facing a real threat. But he did have pads to help me direct my energy to a single target.

I did what he said. I closed my eyes. I visualised myself hitting him. When I punched, there was force but no extra strength. "Try again," he commanded.

I tried again and again. Nothing changed.

"You're not focusing hard enough. Picture your muscles. Picture each individual strand they're made from." He paused for a moment and then came around my body, tracing the muscles of my bicep. "Do you have that?" I nodded, trying to swallow my nerves subtly. Satisfied with my response, he came back around to face me, taking his starting position.

"Visualise the power. However you want to see it. Maybe it"s a flow of energy, a physical strand of your aurora, bending and twisting around your arm. Or maybe it's tiny glowing dots being pulled to you and forging with your muscles, making them grow." I pictured a purple streak of power, emerging from the air and wrapping around my arm as his deep baritone immersed into the mental image I was creating.

"Now manifest it. Use the strength the power is giving you and throw your punch."

I did what he said. This time, my fist connected to the pads with a loud boom. Shock crossed Griffin's face as his body moved back a few inches. I had heard similar loud noises coming from certain warriors throughout our training, heard them from Griffin, but I always assumed they were just way stronger than me. He contemplated me for a quiet moment before his mouth twitched upwards into a proud smirk.

"Good." His tone was satisfied which in turn caused me to smile. We practised that a few more times and the purple visual in my head became clearer and clearer with each strike.

"Let's try using your senses next. Close your eyes. Listen and feel for when I'm going to attack you." He pounced and I did not sense a thing as he tackled me to the ground, his heavy body landing firmly on top of mine. I hit the mat with a thud, the wind fully knocked out of me. Griffin did not get up but instead rose onto his shoulders, boxing me between them. "You didn't use your senses," he dryly stated.

"Thanks, Captain Obvious," I grumbled. "You can get off me now." I was struggling to catch my breath and the weight of his body was not helping.

He scoffed. "You know you want me."

This guy was salacious.

"Please. You realise you're the one who manhandled me the other night and went all alpha-male when you saw someone else was interested," I spat back, attempting—and failing—to push him off. My hands pressed against his solid chest, trying to put space between us before I did something I would regret later. Or just flat out passed out from the lethal combination of my anxiety and the large mass of muscles encroaching into me.

The next words to come out of his mouth were said with so much conviction it sent tingles through my body. "If you won't have me, you can't have anyone." Literal fucking tingles.

I schooled my face to hide how turned on I was. "That's bold of you. You know you might not be a wolf but you sure as hell can be possessive like one." Then I realised how hypocritical what he said actually was. "But it's okay for you to have whoever you want. I saw you with all those girls." My words were impassioned.

"I didn't go home with any of them, did I? I barely touched them," he argued. He did have a point. He continued, "When I want something, I get it. And I want you, Cosmo." There were those fucken tingles again. He knew exactly what to say to get me all hot and bothered.

"Keep dreaming," I managed to mutter back all flustered and pathetic under his body weight.

"You know I do. Every night." His voice was raw and he bit his bottom lip as his grey molten eyes bore into me. "When you're ready again, I'd be more than willing to be the first," he stated. Desire laced his voice. "And if you're still hurting then maybe I can offer some help? Take a bit of that pain away. Or at least add a bit of pleasure—I can't guarantee there won't be pain." A wicked grin was plastered to his face. His eyes twinkled mischievously.

I was glad when the gym door slid open and people started filing in, interrupting our discussion before I had the chance to respond. I didn't know what I'd say and didn't trust myself around him. Plus, he just admitted that he wanted me? What did that even mean in his books? That he just wanted to sleep with me and then his need would be satisfied? But why was he all protective and jealous the other night at the club? Was it just some male ego thing or did he feel more for me? I shoved at his chest again.

The corner of his mouth imperceptibly rose as he stared down at me for another beat. "You know, I'm not usually the one to ask. So don't take this lightly, gorgeous," he added, leaving the words hanging between us before lifting himself off and heading back towards the racks where his stuff was.

I lay on the floor for a minute longer, waiting for my heart rate to get back to a normal level. When it finally settled, I rose and dusted myself off.

I couldn't blame him for his persistence, it's not like I wasn't sending him mixed signals. My mouth was saying one thing while my body and actions were saying the complete opposite. The truth was I did want him—so fucking bad. My hesitation was only due to how little time had passed since River and how it would look; how I would look. If I ever was ready, I would want it to be him. Urgh, I wanted it to be him so bad. I wanted it to be him now. I just hoped that he wouldn't lose interest with how many times I rejected him. I wanted him to keep persevering with me. What girl wouldn't want to be chased by a sword wielding, angelic looking man with perfect bone structure and soul crushing eyes?

My train of thought was cut short as Kitana and Billie sauntered up to me.

"Morning, hot stuff," Kitana sang.

"Morning, sexy." I took in her outfit for today: a high cut vest that was open half way down her chest and ribbed bike shorts with her battered up army boots; which were probably the oldest thing in her closet.

Contrastingly, Billie was in leggings and a black Nike sports bra with trainers, looking like the true athlete she was.

While Billie stretched her calves she scanned the room. She stilled before turning to me with a nervous look in her eye. "We have weapon training today but I heard combat training tomorrow is going to have alternating partners. You're used to training with one of us now but you could be partnered with anyone. Watch out for Sienna okay, she'll likely make a move since it's the first time you might actually be put with her after your initiation fight." She nodded towards Sienna who was surely enough death-staring me from across the room. "We know she doesn't seem to be too fond of you."

Kitana was on the floor in a butterfly position, stretching out her thighs when she chimed in, "Not to mention you and Griff are seeming extra cosy these days." She winked at me before folding further. "Probably doesn't help your case. Have you guys done the deed yet?"

"Kit!" I scolded.

She looked at me innocently, shrugging her shoulders. "What, I have a dirty mind and a dirty mouth."

We all burst into laughter.

Griffin walked back up to us then. He stopped beside me, placing his elbow on my shoulder as he rested his body against mine. He smiled down at me and then looked at the others. "What's so funny ladies?" He mumbled in his deep voice. The sound traversed through my body.

"Kit's dirty mouth," I replied.

"Ahh." His eyes twinkled with amusement, like he knew exactly what that meant. He had known her the longest after all.

"Speaking of dirty mouths," Billie declared. "Where's Carter?"

"I believe he's already gotten his morning workout in," Griffin chuckled.

Kit was the first to respond. "Of course he has. He's really showing me up these days." Her features twisted into a scowl. She lifted herself off the floor, popping up with a bounce. "Let's box."

I partnered up with Billie, focusing on some technical sparring. She felt like there were some combos she wanted me to perfect. Kit and Griffin started with some skipping before jumping into the ring to let out the pent up frustration Kitana was clearly holding onto. Maybe she was reconsidering the whole ‘not being serious' thing now that Carter was not as available. She went hard at Griff, not holding back; the loud pounding of her fists from that extra power now very apparent to me. He blocked her with little exertion. It was scary how unyielding and skilled he actually was, taking her hits as if they were nothing. And it wasn't because Kitana was weak, not in the least. It was solely because of his sheer strength and dexterity. He had honed his body into the ultimate killing machine with a lifetime of training.

For the rest of training that day Billie, Kit and Griff helped me with my combat, using every opportunity to prepare me for tomorrow. Carter even joined us later on when his morning activities were done.

???

After dinner, Billie and I sat at one of the little coffee tables in the loft. There were a few people scattered at different tables and some people on the daybed, but everyone was doing their own thing, making the most of the downtime. We had each brought a book and thought it would be the perfect time to get some reading in while Kit was occupied. She couldn't sit still long enough to read and we would become victims of her boredom until she got her way and we changed activities. Her and Carter had disappeared somewhere, which came as no surprise to us after this morning.

I attempted to read but my mind was elsewhere. I kept thinking about Griffin and his annoyingly tempting offer. But our relationship right now was precarious. And my past was complicated. We couldn't do this. Right?

Billie kept eyeing me from behind her book, clearly able to tell I was restless.

"Everything okay, Vee?" She gently asked with a placating smile.

"I'm okay." The sad sigh that followed indicated anything but.

I felt bad to lay my burdens on her. I was used to dealing with things on my own and trying to work them out tirelessly in my messed up head. Usually to no avail. Clearly I wasn't great at the actual ‘working through' them part.

"You can talk to me. I'm a great listener," she prompted.

I sighed again but Billie seemed like the best person to talk to about all of this and I didn't doubt that she truly wanted to help ease my burden. So I unloaded. "Griffin told me he wants to be my first when I'm ready to move on. He said he wants me." She gave me a knowing smile and nodded, urging me to go on. "I want him too. I'm just struggling with my emotions. I'm mad at River beyond anything. When I think of him, the main emotion that stirs up is anger. Rage even. But somehow I still feel bad for feeling things when I'm around Griffin. I feel guilty that I'm even thinking about another guy."

"That doesn't surprise me. You know you're allowed to move on, right? I know it hasn't been long and you should take all the time you need but I'm just saying that you have every right to move on. So don't beat yourself up about it. You also can't help how you feel about someone."

"Are you sure? I don't know why but I just feel like it's not okay."

Her doe eyes looked at me full of sympathy as she put her tasselled bookmark in her book, closing it and settling it on the coffee table between us so she could give me her full attention. "If the situation was different, and you came here to train and you had a boyfriend back home who treated you well and made you happy, but you came here and developed feelings for Griff, we would be having an entirely different conversation right now." She sipped her steaming tea before she continued, "I think you're struggling because of the lack of closure. You haven't been in contact with him since the night you … found him like that, so you haven't had a clean break. I think it's normal for you to feel like things ended weirdly, because let's be real, it was an effed up situation. But he lied to you, he misled you and he hurt people. Killed someone. And yes, we hurt people too but not innocent people. Not poor humans who were in the wrong place at the wrong time. River is a monster. And things between you two are over." What she said made complete sense. The closure wasn't there.

"So feeling things for Griffin isn't horrible of me?"

"Personally, I don't think so. And even if you just needed a rebound, or a distraction, I think that's also completely okay too." Her shoulders raised as she shrugged it off.

"But is that wrong of me to use Griffin?"

"It would be, if Griffin wasn't aware of it. But he is—more than aware actually. And he's clearly offered his … uh …" she laughed to herself before continuing, "services. So no, it's just two people having mutually agreed upon sex. I know you"re not usually the one-night-stand type of girl, and I think it's clear to Griff too. So maybe casual sex could work for you two. I can relate, so I get why it's confusing for you. It's not what you're used to and you've been in a relationship for as long as you can remember. So if you decide to not pursue anything with Griff at all, that's okay too. I think you need to take the time to think about it and not rush into it, for your own mental state. I don't want you to regret anything. But I want you to know that you're allowed to do whatever you want to do now. It's okay to be a bit selfish sometimes. Maybe something that's a little less serious and more fun is what you need right now. And maybe he can be that for you." I nodded silently, taking in everything she had said.

"Is there a chance you feel more than just sexual attraction towards him?" She broke the silence between us first, doing a terrible job at hiding that slightly excited smile.

I blushed. "I almost don't let myself think about it for long enough to know what I want. But I mean—" I sighed, "Yes. I could see myself with someone like him. I could want to spend all my time with him. And I definitely, obviously, wish that he would want that with me. But you know Griff, he's not that type of guy. Right? Besides, I don't think I should jump into anything serious so soon. Even if that would be something I'd love one day—for that to be with him. I don't think it's something I should ever hope or expect from him. Honestly, I'd be happy just having sex with him. I hate to admit that it's been on my mind a lot, but it has. I'm just scared, I need to keep my expectations low so I don't get hurt and just enjoy the moment. I'm worried though that it'll be this mind blowing thing for me and it won't be for him. That he'll get bored and move on once he gets what he wants. I hope that isn't the case … but that's part of my fear."

Her smile faded slightly, worry clear on her face. "I've never seen him serious before or actually into anyone, so it's likely he'll want something casual over anything else, but I've also never seen him put so much effort into one person before. I don't know what that means exactly but I highly doubt he'd be done with you after one night. I think you need to talk to him, feel out what he wants too. Because from what I've observed, it seems like he might want more as well. I feel like he has feelings for you, even if he can't admit it. At the very least, he cares for you. But I don't want to get your hopes up. I also wouldn't want him to get hurt either if this is the first time he's actually wanted more from someone and they aren't ready. He's more sensitive than people give him credit for. He's just learnt to hide it well." She spoke about him with so much concern. She spoke about all her friends like that. I smiled tenderly at her; a wise old soul in a young, beautiful body.

But despite what she said, I couldn't dwell on it. As much as I wanted it to be true, I couldn't let myself contemplate or hope. So I brushed the thought of anything more serious away. "I'm sure he isn't interested in anything else but sex from me," I started. "But, I will definitely feel it out … if anything ever happens that is," I offered with a smile. "Thank you, Billie."

"Anytime, Vee. I'm here for you no matter what." I got up from my seat and gave her a tight hug, grateful for her listening ear and sound advice. Then I sat back down, picked up my book and we both smiled at each other before returning to our reading. Both content to sit silently and enjoy each other's company—not to mention the peace and quiet.